Is It So Wrong to Want A Man?

I do not need a man. I do not need a man. I do not need a man.

I have a great job, financial independence (complete with debt), fantastic friends, a supportive family. My future is downright dazzling.

 

I do not, do not, do not need a man.

But man do I want one, and I am tired of feeling guilty for doing so. There is something about a male presence that is unlike any other comfort, and his absence is unsettling. I appreciate my roommates immensely, but they cannot salve the stresses of my day with a long, slow hug and a reassuring pat on the ass. My roommates will not pull me to the couch and rub my feet as we zone out to a basketball game. I do not watch sports when I am single. No one but my man can get away with tickling me, and he is the only one besides my teddy bear with whom I can cuddle at night. Not to mention my vigorous sex drive and the fact that vibrators, while handy, cannot kiss.

I have gotten good at listing the reasons why I want a man. For years I have defended my choice to have boyfriends. My mother and sister have long observed—with a hint of accusation—that I always seem to have one. I used to object—I have rarely been in love. But when I look at the timeline, it is true that I tend to keep guys around: The total numbers in double digits. Clearly, I prefer male companionship.

But why, dammit? I have been single now for a record two months, and I really wish I did not mind. I am a fully functioning adult. I am not looking to find myself in a man; I have already learned the futility of that endeavor. I have self-confidence, and I am not co-dependent. Even if I were, I have roommates. I know I want to get married, but I am not anxious to do it soon. By all logic, there is no reason I cannot be happy and alone.

Yet, at the end of the day, I still want a warm body next to (and inside of) me. I decided to find out why.

Henry Makow was a feminist in his first marriage, which was long before he started his website, www.savethemales.ca. I found him while Googling around, looking for intelligent posts regarding woman’s need for man. And while he’s got plenty of questionable beliefs—like, oh, that feminists are working for the government to destabilize society—Makow is a doctor, in the sense that he got his Ph.D. in English Literature. The Canada-based theorist has been writing for a long time, has taught at the university level, and he makes a good argument that my troublesome urges to play the role of sweet, loving girlfriend are right on target with the natural way of things. He says men and women are complements, and so it is no wonder I feel incomplete without mine. He believes it is only right that I should crave a man's comfort. Happily settled in his third marriage, he is, obviously, no longer a feminist. But after a good, long chat with Makow, I learned that conspiracy theorists can also make some excellent points (and also that phone calls to Canada do not qualify for free nights and weekends).

Despite his passionate anti-feminism, Makow is by no means a misogynist. "Women provide the intangible that makes life worth living," he tells me. (Go on, I'm listening … ) The intangible to him includes qualities like love, beauty, laughter, and other stereotypical notions of the feminine spirit. Yet I am flattered, because he is right. I can admit that it is generally the ladies who arrange the flowers, wear the flouncy skirts, and bat the eyelashes.  And aside from those superficial "girl things," we know that guys need us—something about our womanly wiles turns them to mush behind closed doors. The power of my come-hither smile is exhilarating. I am proud of my femininity, and I was pleased to hear Makow acknowledge its significance.