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Gasp! I Married a Career Woman

By Caryl Rivers and Rosalind Barnett, Women's eNews. Posted September 1, 2006.


Forbes.com is just the latest media outlet to say working women have terrible marriages. Will this myth ever die?
090106story
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We have a recurring nightmare. We're standing on a mountaintop, being attacked by a huge, winged chimera with an enormous head and a mouth that keeps chanting, "Working women are miserable. Their marriages are terrible. Their husbands are miserable. Their children are wrecks."

We slice off the beast's head with a sharp sword. Instantly 20 more heads appear to take its place, each chanting, "Working women are miserable, their marriages are terrible ...."

For the media, it is the story that simply will not die. Are you as bored with it as we are?

The newest chimera's head comes from Forbes.com, in the form of an article last week by editor Michael Noer with a headline, "Don't Marry Career Women" and subtitled "How do women, careers and marriage mix? Not well, say social scientists." The article was accompanied by a slide show purporting to show the "social science" on which the piece was based.

The way this story played out tells us a lot about the workings of today's media, the Internet and the 24-hour continuous news cycle. It may also herald a major new media power source: Femalebloggers Inc.

Forbes retreats

Forbes quickly took down the slide show. The solo Noer article was repackaged as a point-counterpoint commentary with Forbes staff writer Elizabeth Corcoran. Disagreeing. Her commentary (obviously turned around on a dime) was anecdotal. So the result was a guy taking over the commanding heights of "science" and the woman offered a flimsier personal rebuttal.

Meanwhile, Slate media critic Jack Shafer weighed in, with a story headlined, "Forbes' Female Trouble: So what if career women are divorces waiting to happen?"

Shafer rightly said the original Forbes piece was largely junk and noted "the Web site entries appear to be a holding pen for crap Noer couldn't shoehorn into his overstuffed thesis." Noer included studies irrelevant to this thesis. One, for example, found that higher-income people cheat more in marriage.

But Shafer claimed he didn't understand why women got so upset over the article, saying, "I've yet to read a blog item or a protesting e-mail from a reader that convinces me that the article, as opposed to the deliberately provocative headline, really insults women, career or otherwise."

To which Jen Posner, executive director of Women In Media and News, responded: "He hasn't been convinced that the article insults women? Really? Even after all these women online and on radio have said outright that it's insulting?"

By week's end, Forbes was flooded by so many e-mails from furious women (some urging a boycott of the magazine) and heard from so many bloggers that the publication was sprinting away from its own story. Publisher Steve Forbes publicly apologized on Friday for insulting working women with the article. ABC ran the story on the evening news.

Female bloggers had made a difference.

The Times weighs in

On Monday, the New York Times moved in with a story about the possible business motivation behind running the Forbes piece. A provider of third-party Web traffic data told the Times that visits to Forbes.com had "tumbled" and were only about half of the 15.3 million a month the company continued to advertise. The story noted that the Forbes site was featuring glitzy lifestyle stories, raising the question of whether the career women story was simply a cynical attempt to get "buzz."


Digg!

Caryl Rivers, professor of journalism at Boston University, and Rosalind C. Barnett, senior scientist at the Women's Studies Research Center at Brandeis University, are co-authors of "Same Difference: How Gender Myths Are Hurting Our Relationships, Our Children and Our Jobs."

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View:
mullahs
Posted by: rsaxto on Sep 1, 2006 12:50 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
In the Muslim world the mullahs diss women every which way and in the USA world businessmen diss women lots of ways and lie about many of those ways. There is no reason a really smart man and a really smart woman can't get along well with each other regardless of who makes the most money and who works the most hours. We in every nation do need to get away from the many clogged arteries of tradition that we are cursed with.

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» RE: mullahs Posted by: nanobubble
» RE: mullahs Posted by: Vincent
Career women are more interesting
Posted by: Bobsays on Sep 1, 2006 1:32 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Even if they are more likely to be banging some guy at a conference behind your back. Though, anecdotely, the couples I know who have been married for decades, it is the ones where the wife took a back seat that have gone the distance. The other ones, where the wife is now entering her new phase as a grand dame, they are divorced.

But I can't think of what you would talk about with a wife who only did domestic chores and watched TV.

But I do agree they are rubbish at providing support to you or your career. Everyday, the most important thing on their mind is their work. You will never be able to turn to them for any serious help. It is a fact that people only have so much psychic energy to spread around, and with a career woman, it is going 100 per cent on their career.

But then this is where you should cultivate a mistress or two. These will be the women you can turn to for the extra affection. This is an age-old tradition and works very well. Most smart career women are willing to look the other way if this keeps the show on the road and the husband happy and motivated. The French are very good at this.

Life is about making some compromises and adjustments for reality. A mistress on the side, is a small price to pay to get the other benefits of a two-income, career family. I get frustrated with the Christian moralists who keep jamming the old fashioned family model down peoples' throats. It doesn't work in the modern world, where a single income does not buy a comfortable life.

The best attitude is to see that life is an adventure, and that if both are you having adventures, you can share in a second adventure. This is far more rewarding and more fun.

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» RE: Career women are more dumb Posted by: Iconoclast421
» "artsy" women are more dumb Posted by: owleyes
» RE: "artsy" women are more dumb Posted by: medstudgeek
» RE: Career women are more interesting Posted by: stevefoagardner
Posing the question
Posted by: talkville on Sep 1, 2006 2:05 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Working. Seems to me that women - paid or unpaid- are working. Seems more a question of manipulation of the labor force and its supply to the capitalist. Measuring households now includes 2 workers more often than not compared to such measurements back in those Ozzie/Harriet days. Some working women marry, some don't; some seem to be happy, some don't. All these stories follow a general pattern of whether or not women are beneficial to the economic needs of the employers in different periods. Working and it's definitions sure travel mysterious paths.

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» RE: Posing the question Posted by: nanobubble
» RE: Posing the question Posted by: talkville
The FakeLeft wants to focus political energies on Gender/Race issues instead of universal healthcare
Posted by: rebel_pig on Sep 1, 2006 3:43 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The FakeLeft wants to focus political energies on Gender/Race issues instead of universal healthcare and progressive taxation. This particular article is about gender. By focusing political thinking on race and gender, we are guided towards seeing ourselves as part of a gender group, a race group, a lifestyle group, etc. THat is divisive and inhibits thinking as a working class group. THat is exactly what the upper class wants.

Universal healthcare and progressive taxation are the centerpiece of true-leftist countries such as are found in Western Europe. THe fake-Left here in America is actually a tool of the upper class and prefers to distract political energies away from trueLeft issues and focus instead on Identity Politics.
In order to get the bulk of the population (America is 65% white and the largest segment of voters is the white blue collar male (see 2004 election stats), you need to convince them that Leftism is on their side, too. Universal healthcare and taxing the rich is the way to do that.

Alternet is a very good window into the political issues that are favored by the American FakeLeft. Keep an eye on what issues are focused upon in Alternet articles over time. See how many articles are about race, gender, minorities, white guilt, religion, abortion, vegetarianism, environmentalism. These issues form the bedrock foundation of the Fake Left.

Now see how many articlesa are focused on universal healthcare and progressive taxation. These issues form the bedrock foundation of any true left.

Watch for a few months and then decide.

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» Tell us, Cryofan, about the fakeLeft Posted by: Joshua Holland
» LakeFelt Posted by: magmaybe
» Rebel Pig, right-on right-on, bitch! Posted by: spittybanned
» Didn't get kicked off. Posted by: Joshua Holland
» Yep Alternet does ban. I was banned! Posted by: spittybanned
» Fork Posted by: Joshua Holland
» translation Posted by: rebel_pig
» RE: Fork Posted by: fork
according to this article
Posted by: ellie on Sep 1, 2006 5:46 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
the basic premise is with the current concept of patriarchy. first off, I am not a feminist which is blame patriarchy for all family problems! a matriarchal social system does not have all these problems. hello!

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» RE: according to this article Posted by: lindalee
» RE: according to this article Posted by: nanobubble
GROW UP !
Posted by: VZEQICVA on Sep 1, 2006 6:40 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Marriage is for adults. Grown men know this are have learned how to be responsible. Their marriages ususally last and are happy and satisfying. For the men who want a lifetime "mommy" there is no good wife. That's not what you're looking for. A woman may want to have children. No one wants to marry one. Career or no career a man can't be the center of a woman's universe. That's not love that's crazy. Marriage is mutual. Thanks, ANNA

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» RE: GROW UP ! Posted by: cmaukonen
The Original Posit
Posted by: NoPCZone on Sep 1, 2006 8:04 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
If you are looking for June Cleaver a career/professional woman probably isn't for you. However, if you are looking for an equal and not a lap-dog a career woman is probably the ticket.

There are women who want to stay home and be the 'little woman of the house' and if they find happiness there, more power to them. The women I find attractive are those who are educated, informed and engaged in a career that they have chosen. There is something there that isn't present in the home-maker type. Can't describe it--but it is real, it's there and it's good.

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Is it a surprise that this came from Forbes
Posted by: bookwoman on Sep 1, 2006 8:26 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
First of all, Barbara Billingsley, who played June Cleaver, has said that it amuses her that she has become the icon for stay at home moms because, while she was playing Beaver's Mom, her own children were in daycare with another care giver. - Oops.

Second, it is not a surprise to me that Forbes which, in my mind, represents high powered, ego centric men who want a woman who makes them the center of their lives and is waiting with dinner at 5:00 pm each day, should be the publication which produced this survey - Duh!!!! They should get over it. As for the rest of us, let's just ignore them and these men go somewhere else to cry.

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» The irony of June Cleaver Posted by: Kym525
» RE: The irony of June Cleaver Posted by: medstudgeek
Forbes isn't exactly Time or People Magazine
Posted by: Kym525 on Sep 1, 2006 8:35 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
And they know it, which explains why it would run a crackpot article written by some insecure scary hack about the so-called "dangers" of career women.

Forbes knew that it would generate both readership (even curious readers who only pick up this magazine to see who the 100 richest people in the world are) and backlash - which it has done.

It's a tired old refrain and frankly, one that even the most chauvanistic of men don't even care about anymore. Let sleeping idiots lie.

And think on this, the guy probably got dumped by a career woman for being such an ass.

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I believe it...
Posted by: underheart on Sep 1, 2006 9:01 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
"One longitudinal study of 500 couples by the University of Wisconsin-Madison's Janet Hyde found that for both men and women, the highest sexual satisfaction was among couples who both worked and experienced high rewards from their jobs."

I can certianly believe that...as long as that sexual satisfaction wasn't limited to "with each other".

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» RE: I believe it... Posted by: MatthewSavage
The Problem: Career Women or Traditional Society
Posted by: igoeja on Sep 1, 2006 11:14 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Societies that are more gender neutral tend to have better social outcomes for its participants, and the US was never one for equality, and certainly not since the religious right and the corporate plutocracy has taken hold.

I guess, the issue of men out-earning women is more likely a problem for a traditional couple, and the problem might be more related to women's independence than any problems caused by income disparities. I'm getting married in the next couple of months - we're both first time married in our mid-forties - and although I earn twice as much as my partner, she is more educated than I, and we met when I was unemployed and making zilch. For myself, and I'm sure I have the material to argue for the improvement in one's quality of life (sexual satisfaction, income, etc) deriving from relationships with career women, a woman with a career seems a boon.

Anyway, the question I would pose, which seems to escape most, is to ask whether the problem is caused by a woman having a career or because it conflicts with traditional society.

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The secret to happiness: Welfare!
Posted by: Jnutter on Sep 1, 2006 11:25 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
If marrying a career woman is a 'bad thing' for a man then we must draw the conclusion that marrying a career man is an even worse thing for women (everything women do wrong men do more wrong right?).

So! Everyone who wants to have a good solid relationship should quickly fall off a ladder and try to hurt themselves badly enough to get welfare for the rest of their lives!! Its the ultimate solution for eternal happiness!! Mutual couch-potato-ness!!

Forget work! It gets in the way of your happiness! Choose narcissistic hedonism first!

(and when you both get so friggin bored with your empty pointless lives... don't worry!! Wal mart sells guns!!)

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Understatement
Posted by: SatanicJamboree on Sep 1, 2006 11:40 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
'The story noted that the Forbes site was featuring glitzy lifestyle stories, raising the question of whether the career women story was simply a cynical attempt to get "buzz."'

Ya think? As long as there's money in it, we'll see these crass appeals to the hateful, reactionary aspects of our culture.

As the husband of a career woman who makes more money than I, I'm hoping that Forbes being quickly slapped down on this issue is a sign that these tired old reactionary myths are finally wearing out. Though perhaps that's wishful thinking. Popular culture does have a knack for repackaging the same old stinky crap as something fresh and new.

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...miserable families?
Posted by: mom'z the word on Sep 1, 2006 11:44 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
What family? What about the children? When 2 people get together it is a partnership that has its own set of rules. Everything and I do mean everything changes when there are children involved. A new set of rules changing the priorites to include the new addition must be incorporated or the results are a miserable family.

It is impossible to serve two masters. You cannot have both yourselves and the children as a priority. The reason for this is when a choice of whether to stay home with the kids or go to work is at issue someone is going to lose. When families are involved losing should not be an option.

Career couples could be a win win situation depending on how the couples work out the arrangements. However, I dare say there is no such thing as a win win when career couples have children. Unless someone agrees to make raising a family a career choice the family is going to lose.

Don't get mad at me for bringing this up just because you do not want to hear the truth. We are only human and are only capable of doing so much. We have been lead to believe we are more than flesh and blood and can do the impossible. The impossible dream is having two people competing with each other in two different careers and then taking on a third addition career of raising a happy, healthy, well adjusted family. The defining factor that makes this whole idea impossible is time. There is not enough time in a day to give what it takes to make it all work. We are only human.

To make it all happen something has to give. You can count on one thing for sure. Time happens. What you do with it is entirely and absolutely up to you and nobody else.

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» RE: ...miserable families? Posted by: Kym525
» RE: ...miserable families? Posted by: hymalaia
» RE: ...miserable families? Posted by: mom'z the word
» RE: ...miserable families? Posted by: mom'z the word
» RE: ...miserable families? Posted by: Kym525
Work 8+ hrs. a day or workout 3 and diet? Get it right ladies.
Posted by: MTreich on Sep 1, 2006 12:03 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I don't understand why women work. If they want money their time would be spent more productively not pursuing a career but working out and eating right. If they are hot they can get a wealthy husband. And being hot only takes a few hours a day while a career is all consuming, plus a career is a big screw you to children.

So women. If you want wealth workout and look hot then you will get a rich man. It is a much better route.

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» Zero-sum game. Posted by: medstudgeek
In conclusion...
Posted by: nanobubble on Sep 1, 2006 1:47 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
People should do what they want, find someone they like who likes them, and care less about the opinion of people that aren't their friends. I'm sure you'll be fine. Everything else is rhetoric or spam.

I might like women who are more interested in careers of education, non-profit or healthcare, but that's my interests, and says nothing of women overall.

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Needy
Posted by: cmaukonen on Sep 1, 2006 3:54 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The people who would agree with "Don't Marry Career Women" are those men who "Need" to be married, who are looking for another or replacemnet "Mommy" or to be a "Daddy" to some women. They simply are not emotionally mature enough to have a relationship based on equal terms.

Conversly there a women who marrie for exactly the same reasons.

A person male or female who is truly OK with themselves and their life does not "Need" to be married. But may get married as an addition to an already full life and would enjoy the company of their mate regardless of what he of she does career wise.

In other words, marriage is an option not a requirement.

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A View from Outside
Posted by: Peter_Oz on Sep 1, 2006 7:23 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Having read all of the above it is obvious that;
1. the USA is full of crap, or all the family neurons are on vacation.
2. it is no secret to the rest of the world that children come first in a family - not the parents careers or incomes.
3. marriage is about compromise - you cannot have two heads of anything be it a corporation, army, or a boy scout troop.
4. men and women are fundamentally different - women reach conclusions based on emotion, men reach conclusions by logic.
5. nations that detroy the family unit are doomed - goodbye America.

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» as to point number 4 Posted by: sln70
» RE: A View from Outside Posted by: nanobubble
» RE: A View from Outside Posted by: Peter_Oz
» RE: A View from Outside Posted by: morticia
» RE: A View from Outside Posted by: nanobubble
» RE: A View from Outside Posted by: aahb21
» As for point #3 Posted by: owleyes
» RE: As for point #3 Posted by: kablooie
Obedient Corporate Drones Have Better Marriages
Posted by: theracerace on Sep 2, 2006 8:07 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This sort of article is an excellent tactic of the corporatocracy. It's main intent is to elevate the status and importance of committing your life to making the richest 1% even richer.

Now you have yet another reason to vote Republican: you'll get financial stability and a great marriage. Thanks corporate overlords!

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Chimeras..
Posted by: Phenix on Sep 2, 2006 12:24 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Last time I checked it was a Hyrda's head that grew back not a Chimeras. Otherwise its a good article. Kinda pointless in a way but its always a good idea to respond to propaganda.

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After reading Michael Noer's "Don't Marry a Career Woman"...
Posted by: rclord on Sep 2, 2006 2:23 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...I'm all for women marrying down.

I say this as a woman myself.

In this day and age, most wealthy or yuppie men, the type our parents have always told us to date and marry, seem to be extreme-right Republicans and/or centrist-to-right Clinton/Kennedyesque Democrats, both who are fascist, pro-elite and support wars in Iraq and Lebanon. For this reason, I think ordinary women are better off steering clear of men like this.

I would far prefer a hard-working, decent man over a spoiled, self-indulgent, tantrum-throwing Donald Trump type any day.

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How to marry a Forbes man: Be a gold-digger, not a career woman
Posted by: rclord on Sep 2, 2006 2:50 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The real reason Forbes men don't like career women:

They're not spoiled babies like Forbes men. Gold-diggers are.

Many career women work for a living because they have no other source of income. Forbes men fiind them a turn-off because they're too responsible.

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"Hey dude. Where's the intimacy"?
Posted by: Sojourner on Sep 2, 2006 11:30 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
All this talk about marriage and no mention of whether the partners have the slightest capacity for appreciation of the others' otherness.

I assume the problems and satisfactions of marital intimacy (sexual, yes; emotional, yes; intellectual, yes; sacrificial, yes; playful, yes; understanding, yes; etc.) are unmentioned, because most do not even know they exist.

And they certainly are not something that is testable by others. "What is your partner's deepest desire?" "What is your partner's worst fear?" "What is it that you and your partner cannot talk about?" Those might only be measured by whether someone is able to offer a response. Since the quality of a relationship is not measurable (that is, the quality is not a quantity), then Forbes will have nothing to write about.

That sounds like a good idea to me.

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Divide & Conquer strikes again...
Posted by: kablooie on Sep 3, 2006 9:45 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...And the conquerees are both women & men!

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Fish need bicycles? Whaaaa??
Posted by: H_H on Sep 3, 2006 4:32 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
But, but-- I thought marriage was bad and oppressive for womyn? Right?

Why are we so disturbed about an article which is disparaging a tentacle of the heteronormative fascist patriarchy? After all, patriarchy forces hapless women, who never have a choice, into lifetimes of servitude in a "comfortable concentration camp". Right? Right? Marriage is to womyn what Nazism is to Jews, right? "Who needs a man?", right? Fish and bicycles, right? "Men: Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em", right?

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» No Posted by: owleyes
Right Wingers hate women
Posted by: may261989 on Sep 3, 2006 6:31 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
and themselves. The wives of the wealthy corporatocracy marry their men for power, not love. The men in turn do not want an educated free thinking woman with a mind of their own, they are used to screwing over people, they dont want to be usurped at home.
While a working women and man may have a crises at home surely that has to do with both of them being controlling selfish arseholes . This is not the domain of men only ( Geez, I've had some real pyscho female bosses ) but men still rule when it comes to demeaning women and looking for any pissant excuse to take the blame off themselves.

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» Psst - tell your friends . . . Posted by: FauxPorteno
I suppose . . .
Posted by: kit79 on Sep 3, 2006 7:07 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
If you are so infantile that you need someone to look after you, so insecure that you need to lock your partner in the home lest she see your sorry ass for what it is and find another with the financial means to leave you, and so egotistical that you need a woman who will drop everything in her life just to focus on you, then marrying a career woman might not be the best choice. Therapy for that Oedipal complex might be the best choice, but that's not bloody likely.

There are men who marry to have someone "take care of them" and there are women who marry to be "provided for" I cannot stand either type, as both show me nothing but glaring immaturity.

But this is one of the problems with marriage, as I see it. These icky roles. It's just absurd that anyone should expect a woman's life should revolve around her spouse, that she should dedicate herself to looking after him, cooking for him, cleaning for him like some warped maid/wet nurse/mommy combo. We weren't put on this earth to make life better (or worse) for *men* (or vice versa). We have our own lives and interests too. We aren't servants. And who cares who makes more money than whom in a couple? There is no reason on earth to care other than reasons of ego, unless there's job-place discrimination involved, which is a different matter. The whole heteronormative traditional arrangement just creeps me out.

Anyway, this article is pretty insulting toward males. I'm not sure I'd want to be portrayed as still needing my mommy to look after me and "monitor" me like a kid with a fever at an adult age, and one I don't want intereacting with any males but *me*. I want all the attention! WAH! All this article has done is reinforce negative stereotypes of men. Good job.

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Great Article!
Posted by: raven1984 on Sep 5, 2006 7:00 AM   
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Excellent job dissecting and refuting a week article regarding the myth of working women making bad wives. I appreciated that you used statistical data to refute the articles claim and that you emphasized who they misused their own data. Ofcourse women might be unhappy in a marriage where their husband did not do his share of the housework and the emotional work of sustaining the marriage. As many comments previously stated it takes two mature adults working together to make a marriage work. And as your data seems to indicate this partnership can be made even better, not worse, when both of these adults have fulfilling lives and self-esteem both inside and outside the marriage. Great analysis!

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Michael Noer's article is andatory reading for my two sons
Posted by: Vincent on Sep 15, 2006 9:09 PM   
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I do not believe that two working parents can have successful careers without the children suffering. I believe that in the absence of children a man married to a successful career woman may work. However, introducing children into the equation is likely to cause the successful career wife/mother to develop pangs of guilt and resentment particularly if she is the primary breadwinner and the family has come to rely on her income to maintain the family standard of living. The festering guilt and resentment will ultimately undermine the marriage and may lead toa marriage dissolution to the detriment of the children of the marriage. Men traditionally have not developed the kind of guilt or resentment that women develop when taken out of the home to pursue a career. In fact men have viewed such a course as the sacrifice they make for a happy and stable family. Women on the other hand feel a longing and desire not to be out in the working world, but rather to be at home with the family. If in the course of pursuing her career her husband has sacrificed his career to one degree or another so the children are not being raised by a nanny, a babysitter or, if they are lucky, grandma and as a result he has not advanced in his career to the extent that his wife has and now to shift responsibilities may mean an adjustment in the standard of living so as to allow the wife/mother to be home with the kids while the dad tries to go out and ressurrect his career a destructive resentment develops that is not healthy to the marriage or the kids. But it is very important we encourage women to pursue careers even if they are likely to have a change of heart once children come along. If I sound like I am familiar with such a situation I have lived it. And because of the nature of my career and the changes we made to support my wife's career that she would rather no longer have to stay home with the kids, my career advancement has been set back by a good 10 years and I am not getting any younger. I am making Michael Noer's article mandatory reading for my two sons and while I am encouraging my daughter to get an education, I am watching what she eats much more closely.

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