News & Politics
DURST: You Can't Make Stuff Up Like This
April 25, 2000
You Can't Make Stuff Up Like This.* A recent study says that during the aging process the male brain shrinks faster than the female brain. The good news is scientists actually found a male brain.* Iran is going to raise the 2.5 million dollar bounty on Salman Rushdie. Hey, aren't they violating some sort of Muslim assassination salary cap?* I keep wondering when Al Gore gets too close to water, do they hose him down with Thompson's Water Sealer?* Bill Clinton has reiterated his resolve to thwart the evil goals of the madman currently terrorizing America ... Kenneth Starr.* ABC is worried that Ellen DeGeneres doesn't reflect the proper family values spirit. Yeah, like that guy over there on Monday Night Football, Frank Gifford.* Television watchdog groups keep talking about a curb on sex. I'm guessing the network news organizations are going to be upset. Although the White House will be happy.* The State of Alabama is charging Barnes & Noble with selling pornography. I would have to guess that means portrayals of sex with people who aren't related.* The good news is, Congress is working on a plan to save Social Security. The bad news is, it involves raising retirement to age 90.