News & Politics
DURST: Upheaval in the Nation's Capital
April 25, 2000
It's a day of monumental upheaval here in the nation's capital where the spirit of red white and blue bipartisanship is shaking the town like a hula dancer with a hotfoot. In news a little less stunning than Bill Gates' announcement he plans on bequeathing all his Microsoft stock to the Vietnamese Womens Association, Newt Gingrich singlehandedly pushed through an iron clad Campaign Finance Reform Bill that will forbid any contribution over ten bucks. He also donated profits from his book to the National Endowment for the Arts. Over at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Bill finally admitted that he suffers from sexual compulsion and has signed up for Sexaholics Anonymous although it is rumored he only did it so he can cop the mailing list. And Hillary, after finally admitting exactly what everybody had always suspected: she carries around a portable shredder with her at all times; joined Shredders Anonymous. Where no mailing lists are allowed. In other turnarounds of gargantuan proportions, Jesse Helms appointed Chastity Bono to be his chief of staff, and Strom Thurmond filed a writ in Congress to get rid of all tobacco subsidies and replace them with sunflowers as the crop of choice. And George Stephonopolous has finally admitted he's a runaway Smurf and applied for a job on Sesame Street. A grand dream like day in Washington, and I hope more are on the way.