Sex With Emily: Gay Life on Campus

By Emily Morse, AlterNet. Posted April 22, 2006.

This week I talk with Billy Curtis, director of the Gender Equity Resource Center at the University of California at Berkeley about how the queer scene is evolving on college campuses, in the Castro district and on Craigslist.

This column is a partial transcript of my accompanying podcast, "Sex With Emily." I included some highlights from Billy's interview below, but you can listen to the entire 30-minute interview by pressing the "Listen" button beside this column.

When I was at the University of Michigan in the early 90's, we had a burgeoning gay and lesbian student presence on campus. Fast forward to liberal schools of today, like UC Berkeley, where there are several LGBT student groups, yet many students still aren't comfortable holding hands on campus.

Billy and his students aren't fans of President Bush (no surprise there), but they find hope in San Francisco's current mayor, Gavin Newsom, a champion of gay marriage who helps to provide the queer community with confidence to interact with -- and ask more of -- their local government.

I talked with Billy about his sex life (of course), as well as how finding out he was HIV-positive actually made him healthier mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

Billy discusses his on-campus challenges

Emily Morse: What are the most unique things that come in your line of work?

Billy Curtis: The folks I work with the closest are those writing papers or finding out what their resources are. But really, it's about helping our emerging transgender population transition -- a lot of folks who may have entered the university as one gender, and have determined that they want to transition during that time, so they're in that process.

EM: College has come a long way since I went to school [in the early 90's]. The movement then was about recognizing gay and lesbian students on campus, but now you're saying, "Of course we've got gay and lesbian students, but we've now got to focus on this student who came in as a woman "

BC: But gays and lesbians still don't feel as accepted on campuses around the country, including Berkeley. One of the things that's come up is that no one really holds hands across campus. That's very telling, still to this day. [Gay] folks are not comfortable.

Billy opens up about the storied San Francisco 'gay scene'

EM: What's the gay scene [like] in San Francisco? On Friday night, what do you do?

BC: (Laughs) I'm sad. I used to be a big circuit boy and have a really good time. Now I go for coffee and things. I don't really go out that much anymore. I was taking a break for a while, and yes, folks, I'm a sad person -- but I do have sex.

EM: What kind of sex do you have? Would you go and have sex with someone you just met?

BC: Oh, my god, that's hot, yeah.

EM: As you know, the stereotype about the gay community is that you're having hot sex everywhere. You go out to bars, you meet someone, you may front on them or you may not Is this happening?

BC: I imagine it is, but you do have the internet too. Let's put it this way: the internet has actually revolutionized and destroyed sexuality in one setting.

EM: For gay people or everyone?

BC: Everyone. You can literally order up what you want on the internet. So you go onto Manhunt.com or even Craigslist, and you look for a picture and you decide what you want. In the past, there was a little more -- and I'm going to sound like an old fogey -- mystery to it. You didn't know until you got home what you were getting.

EM: Now there are pictures

BC: And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but I do miss discovery. And so, I have a choice. But I've spoken with younger gay men who don't know about that discovery not in the same way.

I can also go on the internet and determine if I want to have a one night stand or whatever it is. But that's me. I'm very clear about what those sites are. For me they're about having sex with someone. I've made friendships out of that, but I don't fool myself for a minute that that's what I may get. I definitely don't assume that I'm getting a boyfriend out of that.

EM: There are different ways that you make distinctions when you're posting, right?

BC: Well, I need intimacy in a different way, and it's not through sex.

EM: How do you need intimacy?

BC: Well, intimacy for me is through really sharing one's life. Sharing those experiences and talking deeply. Having sex is fun; it's a contact sport. It's healthy, it's magical and you're sharing another way of being with someone. You're communicating in a very different way.

On being HIV positive

EM: You're HIV positive, and all your students know this?

BC: Well, I don't know how many know I'm not closeted about it. It's one of those things it has to be topical.

EM: When did you find out?

BC: 13 years ago.

EM: What happened? Did you get tested?

BC: No, I knew. I didn't love myself. I had all the information in front of me. And that's the thing about HIV. It is about the vulnerable. Just like any other disease; if you continually tell people they don't belong, they start to disappear. I'm not blaming anyone for [it], but there is a reason I went on that path

There are all sorts of things that we see naturally that folks are doing, and I was one of those. But as soon as I found out, I got a clue about what life was about and I got sick.

EM: And you're so healthy today

BC: Yeah. And I think I got sick because I was "sick" (points to head). My mind, body, spirit was not together.

EM: That's the thing about getting older. You just said to me, "I'm turning 40, yay!" And I'm the same way about getting older. You realize who you are and finally learn to accept it, your path and yourself.

BC: If we continually tell people [they're not appreciated], just like we do to little girls, folks will find ways not to be here. It's not going be a conscious thing, it just happens. And I'm not a psychologist, but I've seen enough now that tells me we need to build people up. We need to build folks up.

Things like what the president and others are doing around gay marriage I watched the whole thing with the federal marriage amendment. That was just the saddest time in the Gender Equity [Center], because I watched students crying about it. The leader of the country, whether they respected him or not, was saying (so now we have your God doesn't accept you) your country doesn't accept you.

EM: What about in San Francisco? How did your students react when newly inaugurated mayor Gavin Newsom boldly issued same-sex marriage licenses to gay and lesbians in San Francisco?

BC: We made a card for him. We resonated very strongly with him. I was surprised. I realized how he'd stepped onto the historical stage. I thought, "Go Gavin! Wow!"

And how [California Governor] Arnold Schwarzenegger had stepped onto the other side of the historical stage, too George Wallace. I guess everyone needs to make the history books in some way.

Emily Morse is a San Francisco based filmmaker, actress, model and host of Sex With Emily.

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