Sex With Emily: the Kama Sutra

By Emily Morse, AlterNet. Posted April 1, 2006.

I've always chalked up the Kama Sutra to something I'll master in my next life: right after I become a tantric sex goddess or yogi master.

Quite honestly, those pictures of blissful contorted folks achieving sexual nirvana just make me tense. Who's got the time? These days I'm pretty happy when I find a moment (or two) to even have sex let alone mastering formidable positions.

Here, I talk to Julianne Balmain, author of The Kama Sutra Deck: 50 Ways to Love Your Lover, and got her take on it. She created a beautiful set of cards focusing on the true essence of the Indian love guide and, thankfully, it's not just for athletes.

Much of what was written in these ancient scriptures is amazingly still applicable today and offers some wisdom about sensuality, touch, hygiene and even biting. Yes, the practitioners of the Kama Sutra (the art of love) had a unique appreciation for love marks.

Julianne points out the humorous bits such as "how to prevent the harem courtesan from running away with the elephant herder," as well as daily ordeals like "building excitement" and "not wearing too much cologne." She also hits on one of my favorites: "Women, being of a tender nature, want tender beginnings." It seems foreplay has always been a popular pastime for women.

I first asked Julianne to tell me how she got involved in rewriting the Kama Sutra.

Julianne Balmain: It's an ancient Indian love guide; it's actually a few thousand years old, and if you read the original translation by Richard Burton (not the man Liz Taylor was married to), … it is very euphemistic and very beautiful, but some of the more modern translations strive to become very accurate and, in doing so, become incredibly boring … and unreadable except by scholars and devotees … I became one of those people. I wanted to be able to fast-track people to the good bits … there's a lot of redundant talk about positions. That's not titillating. But buried in there are these little gems that are SO pretty.

There's nothing worse than getting one of those Kama Sutras that has the photographs.

Emily Morse: Yeah, I always thought I'd have to have A LOT of drinks for my leg to get over to that part of the room (if attempting one of those positions) What are the [parts of the Kama Sutra] that really resonate with you?

JB: The parts that really excite me are actually the ones that have to do with story and relationship … and actually some of the more kinky things that you get to at the end of the book.

[For example], after you've had a night of love together, you should go out on the balcony and have something sweet to drink … maybe mint tea … and the male party of the pair should point out the constellations … on one hand it's paternalistic, but on the other hand, how sweet!

EM: There's so much in the Kama Sutra about sensuality and touch, and about relationships … about the beauty of falling in love and being together for a long time, going to plays and singing a song together.

JB: One of the spiritual aspects of the Kama Sutra is about being intentional, paying attention. Not being sloppy and just blundering into whatever you want to do and hoping for the best, and treating one another badly and assuming it will all work out fine You've got to pay attention, always. You need to arrive with a little gift, you need to say the right thing …

EM: Here's another one I liked along the lines of being teased or touched: All the places that can be kissed can also be bitten.

JB: This is a very funny aspect of the Kama Sutra … they were really into biting and leaving marks … if you had a night of passion with someone and came away without being marked up all over, there was nothing to remember it by. Not to break the skin … but there was kind of an art to knowing how to do it. They created patterns … if a man was going away for a few days, he would nibble a pattern around a woman's breast, and some of the patterns meant things. And in the time this was being written, women walked around with their breast exposed or partly exposed and so you could see these marks, and it caused a lot of titillation amongst her friends.

EM: Your cards give really good tips for going down on a woman … and I am thinking, this has been around for thousands of years, and most men still can't do it.

JB: Except I think I wrote those because [the Kama Sutra] doesn't have tips for going down on a woman.

EM: OK, I know these are your interpretations of the Kama Sutra but still …

I like when you say, "Gently, slowly pinch her lips together, kissing and nuzzling as you would her mouth." I love this! That's exactly what it is!

JB: That's my wish list is what that is.

EM: Another thing about the Kama Sutra is hygiene. A modern interpretation is the bikini wax and men are getting their backs waxed.

JB: This is a good lesson for the men of today, particularly in America. They just don't take care the way they really ought to, and a couple thousand years ago, the Indian men were taking very good care because they knew it was important to the ladies.

EM: So, they were waxing their balls then?

JB: Oh yeah. They were taking their hair off and they were anointing themselves with something nicely scented. But not too much. Don't just dress well, but add a little ornament.

EM: Not too many chains … not too much cologne. I don't want them to spend too much time, but just enough to show they care.

JB: Right. Exactly.

EM: How can people use your Kama Sutra journal? Seems we never remember about the sex we have, the real details.

JB: You never remember … and you have to do it quickly. I forget almost immediately … for three or four days I can remember the actual things that were done, the sensations it provoked, what he smelled like, what the room was like … all that business, and after a few weeks it tends to mush together.

My favorite thing to do with the journal is actually to share it with your lover. It's a new form of pornography in a positive sense. A lot of people love to make little videos, and this is another way to capture what you do together. After time has passed, it's fun to go back and read your journal, but I think it's even more fun to go back and read your lover's journal.

It's somewhat difficult to do well. I think writing sex scenes is one of the hardest things to write … I find that they work best when you're really blunt and descriptive and straightforward. Don't try to get flowery or too swept up on a wave of emotion. Just think about what was done. What did it look like what did it sound like? What did it smell like? And include details around you … did he leave his necklace on? Was there the sound of a bus going by? What was the lighting like? Those details can be very poignant after time has passed. You read it, and all of a sudden, you're there again.

Emily Morse is a San Francisco-based filmmaker, actress, model and host of Sex With Emily.

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