Home
Archive
Columnists
Video
Blogs
Discuss
About
Search
Donate
Advertise
100 words for 100 days: submit your 100 word essay and get published on AlterNet
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
  • AlterNetYour turn

Support AlterNet
Do you value the information you're getting from AlterNet? Please show your support with a tax-deductible donation.


Feedback
Tell us how we're doing.

Advertisement
Advertisement

Sex Shopping With the Red Hat Ladies

By Liz Langley, AlterNet. Posted March 31, 2006.


Browsing for vibrators with a chirpy group of older women offers some eye-opening reminders about aging, sex and camaraderie.
Advertisement

You've noticed them -- groups of older women in regal purple dresses and signature scarlet caps. They are the Red Hat Society, an international group of women dedicated to enjoying their mellow years with a vigor that makes "mellow" seem quaint. Their mission is to have fun, and to this end, they get around.

So you've seen them. But I'll bet you've never seen one of them hold up a vibrator and mime like a sword swallower just to make her friends laugh. I have, and it was charming -- seeing women who'd fit as the fifth "Golden Girl" mulling over dildos, cracking wise about cock rings and wondering how those darn pasties stay on. This is my local Red Hat chapter's "Romance Revival," and I've never seen a group of people enjoy themselves more than right now, at our neighborhood adult department store.

Fairvilla Mega Store is the kind of sex shop one might expect to find in a bigger city like Miami or New York, rather than in little G-rated Orlando. It's a clean, well-lighted place, two stories of bright candor and casual maturity. It feels like a mall store -- it just happens to sell vibrators, porn videos and lots and lots of leather.

The store's amiability probably makes it easier for the Hatters to be here. The red wine doesn't hurt, either. When I arrive, the pink-cheeked ladies are seated around a long table doing a little icebreaking craft called "Mold Your Perfect Penis," as conceived by Fairvilla's Nikki Mier (whose mom is a Red Hatter, and so today's trip was born). While the women keep busy rubbing a Play Doh-like substance into cylindrical shapes, Nikki's mom, a sweetly soft-spoken older woman, comes up to say hello. Her name tag says "Inky."

I don't think anything of this; two other tags read "Brownie" and "Princess." Finally, when I notice "Lassie," I'm told that the ladies are using their "porn star" names, aka their first pets' names. Lassie has a laugh that's explosive and catching. She's made a small red weiner, which would be funny enough, but people keep calling it "Uncle Bob" (a long story, but less perverse than it sounds).

As "Muscles," "Buttons" and "Bounce" keep working away, quips fly through the cacophonous room: "I can't remember; it's been 35 years since I had sex!" and "How do you get the wrinkles out of it?" They build their phalluses in "Hulk" green, indigo blue and multicolors. Someone drips wine on the Hulk's head: Penis Noir.

What I love about being here, with this crowd, is their bubbly reminder that sex -- and silliness -- aren't exclusive to the young. The Hatters aren't hitting on the staff or anything, but they aren't prudish, either. Watching the ladies' eyes light up as they buy lingerie is a sweet reminder: never assume. Just because someone is discreet doesn't mean they don't know what time it is.

Now that the ice isn't just broken, but pulverized, the women begin shopping -- and breaking the stereotype that older folks are resistant to new technology. Many say they've never been in a store like this before (though at least one has tried catalogs), but they're buying and browsing with abandon. They buy vibrators. They photograph one another holding them. "This is going in my scrapbook," someone says. I imagine her at the craft store, framing happy snaps of Dildo Day.

As things wind down, I elbow Lassie in the arm and point out the penis pinata, just to hear that laugh. I ask her what she found most surprising about today's excursion, and she gestures towards the vibrator area. She says she can't picture anyone buying one when they've got the real thing at home. But, I say, not everyone has the real thing at home. What if you can't wait? She can't fathom this; how could it be any fun if it isn't with someone you love?

You think you've heard it all, then you get an eye-opener from Lassie. I'm so used to hearing about alternative sexualities that her traditionalist take seems more surprising to me than anything in the store (well, almost -- let's not go nuts).

The Red Hat ladies leave in a cloud of chatter and charm, and I feel genuinely glad to have spent the day with them. They were as much fun as their club philosophy promised. It's true that sexuality is still important when you're older, but camaraderie is, too. And how could a Play-Doh penis be any fun at all without someone you love to laugh at it with?

Digg!

Liz Langley is a freelance writer in Orlando, Fla.

Liked this story? Get top stories in your inbox each week from AlterNet! Sign up now »

Advertisement
Advertisement

 

Comments Turn comments off sitewide Give us feedback »
Comments closed.
The comments for this story have been closed. Thank you to everyone who participated.
View:
Oldies getting down and dirty is good
Posted by: Bobsays on Mar 31, 2006 4:05 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I think this is a great trend. The conventional attitude - that once somebody hits 60, they should let themselves go, is outdated and sad. I think recognising the sexual dimension, people will also take better care of themselves as they get older. Here in Europe we have many good examples of older women who remain sexually appealing past 60. It is because they keep fashionable, workout and not let their bodies go, wash regularly, and generally have a healthy attitude to life that hasn't changed since they were young.

I think this will help to end the stigmatisation and isolation that is the hallmark of old age these days. Let's get it on!

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» 60? Try 40 Posted by: BlueTigress
» RE: 60? Try 40 Posted by: aussidawg
Another new low
Posted by: nim1 on Mar 31, 2006 8:10 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Everyday that I live I see another new low in something - society, the government, politics, etc. The loss of civility in the USA, the loss of the practice of good citizenship, the loss of manners, etc. are all lamentable. These affluent women wasting their means to make a PUBLIC DISPLAY of their libidos is a new low for decorum. And never mind how matters such as this fuel the radical christian fundamentalist Republicans.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: Another new low Posted by: audreyvest
» RE: Another new low Posted by: slowerpez
» RE: Another new low Posted by: mmeetoilenoir
» RE: Another new low Posted by: ann83
This article makes me hot.
Posted by: nothreat on Mar 31, 2006 9:24 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
indeed.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

There will always be Miss Grundys out there....
Posted by: morticia on Mar 31, 2006 9:27 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
....all purse-lipped and disapproving, on both sides of the political divide. To the Red Hat ladies, I say: Go, Girls!!!!!

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

I wanna be like them when I grow up!!!
Posted by: mmeetoilenoir on Mar 31, 2006 12:04 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
That's awesome. What a great thing to to read today! Thank you, Liz! Women are sexy, and sexual, far into thier lives.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Thanks, this made me smile
Posted by: midge on Mar 31, 2006 2:06 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I remember seeing a group of Red Hat Ladies in a restaurant about a year ago, and they seemed to be having the time of their lives. You could hear their laughter all through the restaurant. I love hearing about, seeing, and being involved in this kind of comaraderie and friendship and it always reminds me that it is one of the sweetest parts of life. I hope to maintain that, as well as a sense of silliness and craziness, as I get older, as they have. One thing though:
I'm so used to hearing about alternative sexualities that her traditionalist take seems more surprising to me than anything in the store (well, almost -- let's not go nuts).
I can see why this might seem traditionalist, but relatively speaking-meaning using the course of human history as a timeframe-having sex and getting married for love is a fairly recent development, so actually, it's a fairly modern thing ;-) And even if it does seem a bit old-fashioned, old-fashioned doesn't always equal oppressive-not in the least. Call me an old-fashioned gal if you will, but I think some things are just timeless, and that's one of 'em :-)

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Another view, that I thought I'd have found here
Posted by: fifthworld on Mar 31, 2006 8:07 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Namely, who the hell cares.

Is this any more important for AlterNet readers than that stupid-ass "column" by sexpert-poser Emily? Please. Get your kicks everyone, of course, however you want. Meanwhile there's far more important reality to discuss, and information to disseminate, than this banality, but ESPECIALLY on this website. What's the deal?

And don't tell me to lighten up, all you light-headed ones. I'll be heavy - it's called gravity.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

vibrate
Posted by: rsaxto on Apr 1, 2006 2:17 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
To vibrate or not to vibrate, that is the question. Us oldies still want sex (for the most part). Besides it's better to throw a fake cock around the room than a real one when one gets mad.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

rover
Posted by: Roverton on Apr 2, 2006 7:04 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Got a fake Dick in the White House.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Sex Sells
Posted by: andthen on Apr 2, 2006 7:10 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I dont know about everyone else, but why would you waste your precious time reading an article just to complain about how much of a waste of time it was. I might be a little hypocritical because I read you post only to complain, but honestly! In America sex sells, basically every citizen is bombarded with sex every day, why not embrace the reality of it all

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Cyberskin Dildos for Old Ladies
Posted by: vibrators on Apr 10, 2006 9:52 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I want to work in a sex toy store and explain the use of cyberskin dildos and rabbit vibrators to old ladies. Good times.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Vibrators for Everyone
Posted by: vibrators on May 12, 2006 11:50 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I look forward to being a sexual senior. Why should the young have all the fun? Vibrators in every bedside table drawer. That's my platform.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Awesome!
Posted by: BeMi on Aug 17, 2006 4:52 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Ok, still I´m young but I´m preparing myself for the older days and check out all toy testing sites, enjoying to find what I like on erotic-shopping-mall.com, read playboy.com, and all this stuff. We all get older and in a couple of years the silver market will be the bomb. So I don´t wanna live without sex neither when I´m old and will definetly try out everything :)

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]