Myth of the Opt-Out Mom

By Stephanie Coontz, Christian Science Monitor. Posted April 3, 2006.

In 1998, Brenda Barnes quit her job as head of Pepsi's North American Division to spend more time with her kids. Since then, hardly a month has gone by without some media outlet reporting that affluent, highly educated mothers are opting out of their jobs to become full-time homemakers. If Helen of Troy was the woman whose face launched a thousand ships, Ms. Barnes was the woman whose resignation launched a thousand myths.

Like most myths, the opt-out mom story contains a kernel of truth. It's hard to combine work and parenthood, and more moms than dads take time off from work while their kids are young. But also like most myths, the kernel of truth is surrounded by a comforting lie that relieves social anxieties without solving them, in this case by feeding the illusion that women will resolve our work-family conflicts by reversing the growing commitment to lifelong employment that they exhibited in the 1970s and 1980s.

Take a closer look at Barnes's story. Today she is the CEO of Chicago-based Sara Lee, after signing on as its Chief Operating Officer in 2004. She describes the news accounts of her break from full-time employment as "definitely a myth." When she quit PepsiCo, her children were 7, 8, and 10 and were doing fine, she says. She just wanted to spend more time with them for her own sake. Even so, Barnes was never a full-time homemaker. During the next six years she served on seven corporate boards, was interim president of Starwood Hotels from November 1999 to March 2000, chaired the board of trustees of her alma mater, and taught at the Kellogg Graduate School of Management.

Brenda Barnes is one of a growing minority of working women who have the clout to move between high-powered jobs. Good for her. Highly educated, high-income wives did take more breaks from employment between 1993 and 2004 than in the previous decade, an option made possible partly by their own achievements and partly by the soaring incomes of their husbands. The top five percent of households saw their after-tax income rise by 52 percent during the 1990s, while incomes of the middle 20 percent rose by just 12 percent, even though most wives in this income group increased their work hours.

Nevertheless, highly educated mothers are less likely than any other group of moms to become stay-at-home moms. For mothers with children under age six, 65 percent of those with high school diplomas are in the labor force, compared with 68 percent of mothers with college degrees and 75 percent of mothers with postgraduate degrees. The real story is that the workforce participation of less-educated mothers is catching up to that of the more educated ones. Today, the likelihood that a woman will leave her job because of her children is half what it was in 1984.

The "opt-out" stories got a new lease on life in 2005, when census studies showed that the workforce participation of mothers had dropped by almost 2 percent since its peak in 2000. But economist Heather Boushey reports a similar drop in labor force participation rates of childless women and all men as the job market shrank during the 2001-04 recession.

Stephanie Coontz, author of "Marriage, A History: How Love Conquered Marriage," teaches history and family studies at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash.

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