Sex With Emily

By Emily Morse, AlterNet. Posted March 4, 2006.

I'm the host of "Sex With Emily," a podcast and radio show about sex, love, relationships and everything in between. Each episode of the show features an interview with a guest willing to share the real, intimate details of his/her sex life and relationship.

I try my best to ask those questions we were all really about to ask before the phone rang, the food arrived or we realized it just wasn't appropriate at the office Christmas party.

Questions like, how are you still having (good) sex after 15 years together? Do you really get turned on when your wife ties you to the bed … and leaves you there for hours? How do you make open relationships work? Why am I not having a successful dating life? So, you're cool with your boyfriend wearing your underwear to work?

In this column, I'll provide some nuggets from one of my favorite interviews, debunk a dating myth or two, and reveal one woman's more memorable online sex and dating adventures.

If you like what you read, you can hear all these details -- and more -- on the free accompanying podcast interview -- just click on the "listen now" button next to this column. And visit SexWithEmily.com to listen to all of our shows.

Can women have emotionally detached sex?

Of course -- but try as we might, it's still more difficult for some women to have sex without getting attached. Sure, we've smashed some great glass ceilings, but certain personal battles remain challenging.

The pragmatist in you might prefer the "oxytocin" excuse: that elusive "cuddle" hormone that makes you really, really want to see the guy you just had mediocre sex with (you know, the one who experienced "technical" difficulties). Yep, it's frustrating, because you're not that into him either -- but you still catch yourself wondering if he'd like a June wedding … in Mexico.

On "Sex With Emily" episode 11, I talk to Andie, a smart, sexy 32-year-old painter who used to fall in love with every man she slept with.

But like an Olympic athlete training for gold, she decided to push her personal limits: Andie slept with as many men as possible to get over that "love" thing.

Through sharing her internet dating stories, we hear how she was finally able to have sex for sex's sake. "It takes practice," she admits, "but you can do it!"

I asked Andie to share her experience so that other women (and men!) could learn from her experiment. She said: "The reason I decided that I needed to get over falling in love with every guy I slept with was that the seventh guy I slept with was a total jerk. We had great sexual chemistry, but in my weirdly romantic mind, I thought, 'This must mean something that we have great sexual chemistry' -- never mind that we didn't get along as human beings."

"So I thought to myself, "I've got to get over this very girly, unrealistic notion that every person that I want to sleep with is someone that should be my boyfriend. So then, yes, I became kind of slutty."

How was Andie's dating experiment planned, and how did it pan out?

Andie is a smart woman, so I knew she'd probably have a master plan. I wanted to know how she executed it, and she graciously informed me:

Andie: After I had the realization that "this is really stupid, to fall in love with every person that you sleep with," and after a couple months of soul-searching, I met someone on Craigslist.

Emily: And what happened?

Andie: I approached it in a very businesslike way of thinking: "What's my plan, and what am I going to do about it?"

Emily: That's very efficient, and [masculine] in a way. You know what you want.

Andie: The Craigslist ad said something like, "I'm really bossy in my everyday life, but I'm looking for a guy who likes to be bossy in the bedroom."

Emily: We're all nodding (in the audience here). I think a lot of women actually want this

Emily Morse is the host of the podcast and radio show "Sex With Emily" in San Francisco.

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