Oh (No) Baby

By Sarah Klein, Detroit Metro Times. Posted January 10, 2006.

Winter -- with the holidays' out-of-control commercialism -- is all about children. It's a fact that makes a growing contingent of the population roll their eyes or shudder with disgust. They're the "childfree," meaning they've chosen never to have kids. They prefer that term to "childless," which they feel implies some sort of loss, or incompleteness.

Deciding not to bear the fruit of your loins is nothing new, but within the last five years the childfree community has begun to band together, largely through online support groups. The more vocal members of the community have drawn headlines with their sometimes scathing diatribes against "ankle biters," yet the range of childfree people is as varied as the range of those who choose to parent, running the gamut from caring, intelligent individuals to petty assholes.

Who are these people? What do they want? And what's a "crotch dropping?"

Kidcentric culture

It's unclear when the term "childfree" came into being, but it gained popularity in the '90s via the Childfree Network, one of the first organizations devoted to this growing segment of the population.

According to the Centers for Disease Control's 2002 survey "Fertility, Family Planning and Reproductive Health of U.S.," just saying no to kids is becoming a more popular option. Among the 61.6 million women aged 15 to 44 in 2002, 6.2 percent were voluntarily childless, up from 4.9 percent in 1982. Furthermore, the percentage of childless women who expect to have one child in their lifetimes (13 percent) was down by almost half what it was in 1995 (25 percent).

Reasons for choosing this lifestyle can range from personal to pecuniary. In a recent study conducted by economist Amalia Miller of the University of Virginia, a woman in her 20s can expect to increase her lifetime wages by 10 percent for each year she delays giving birth.

Who are the voluntarily childless? Numerous research studies have revealed that most couples who choose not to reproduce are well-educated, are employed in a professional field, have high incomes, are generally white, live in urban areas and are less religious than their child-bearing counterparts.

Childfree couples, or DINKs (Double Income No Kids), say they endure severe pressure from friends, family and co-workers, and the wrath of "breeders" who often paint the childfree as selfish, irresponsible people; hedonistic party animals; or simply "going through a phase."

From the website Childfree.net:

We choose to call ourselves "childfree" rather than "childless," because we feel the term "childless" implies that we're missing something we want -- and we aren't. We consider ourselves childfree -- free of the loss of personal freedom, money, time and energy that having children requires … being childfree-by-choice is rather frowned upon by our kidcentric society, finding information (or links to information) is difficult. Most of us are almost afraid to ask someone who might know where we can find what we're looking for … the disapproving stares and cries of "How can you not want children?!" often send us into a form of "hiding." We feel like freaks and don't realize exactly how many of us and exactly how much information is actually out there. This site attempts to remedy that problem.

The Web has become a haven for the childfree, providing a place to meet, vent and socialize. The word "childfree" nets more than 226,000 hits on Google, and there are dozens of childfree message boards and e-mail lists, from national to regional.

No Kidding is a nationwide, nonprofit social club for childfree adults. Since its inception in 1984 in Vancouver, British Columbia, the organization has grown to 92 chapters in 37 U.S. states and five other countries, including Australia, the Ivory Coast and South Korea. The group will hold an international convention in Toronto next June.

Detroit's No Kidding chapter began in 1994, and now has several dozen members who gather occasionally for barbecues and parties, and keep in touch through an e-mail list.

Member Darlene Johnson-Bignotti, 46, married and childfree: "I have friends that I can't see anymore because my idea of a good time isn't going to Chuck E. Cheese's. The very first No Kidding event I attended four years ago was really amazing; being in a room with a group of women who had something to talk about other than their children. I didn't know there were other people out there like me. It was such an experience to be around other women whose lives didn't revolve around the lives of children."

Susan Mayer, 46, works for a Big Three automaker and has been a member of Detroit's No Kidding chapter for about five years. "We do not hate children," she says. "We may not like to be around them all the time, but there are lots of things people don't like to be around all the time. Like construction."

Member Diane Evans-Gleneski, 40, and married for two and a half years: "This society has been totally brainwashed that producing a child is a must, that it's an obligation as opposed to a choice. If you don't [have kids], then you are an object of pity or scorn."

Childfree people also lament what they feel is preferential treatment given to those with kids. Debra Mollen is an assistant professor of psychology at Texas Women's University, and conducted an extensive study on childfree women. She found many of her subjects were expected to work longer hours than co-workers who were mothers.

Sarah Klein is the culture editor at the Detroit Metro Times.

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