Don't Buy the B.S.

Iraqis are not the only folks these days being served B.S. disguised as steak. In fact I have some real news for the Iraqis - you folks ain't seen nothin' yet! Just wait until things settle down there enough for the Madison Ave. crowd to set up shop.

If Iraqis want a preview of the kind of dis-/mis-information they will get should they ever fully join the Western world, just come on over to my place and watch a couple of evenings of American network and cable TV.

Where to begin? How about we start with the Saddam Husseins of corporate America -- Big Tobacco. Spare me the tales of Saddam's brutality. Big Tobacco is killing more folks every day than Saddam killed during his entire twisted career. Nevertheless, no tobacco industry executives are on trial. Their stocks are still traded on the exchanges and doing quite well, thank you.

But wait, what's this? Tons of anti-smoking are suddenly appearing nightly on my TV. They show clean-cut, preppy parents cavorting with playful towheaded children. These Norman Rockwell families appear on my screen filtered in soft, gauzy light. A sincere, fatherly voiceover advises us that "Anytime is a good time to warn our children about the dangers of smoking."

At the end of the ad is a text tag telling us that if we want more anti-smoking tips we should go to the Philip Morris website, where we can also learn about the superior taste and smoothness of their cigarettes.

My two sons, now in their 20s, have left home. But apparently no one told the Marlboro Man because almost weekly I get the most amazing things addressed to my boys in the mail. These packages contain the strangest combination of the delightful and deadly. Inside one was a beautifully done cowboy cookbook, featuring coupons for dirt-cheap smokes. (Everyone knows real cowboys want a smoke after a hearty meal of beans and rice. Are YOU a real cowboy?)

Often, as I open these Marlboro packages in the evening I notice one of the same company's anti-smoking ads droning away on my TV. Then my head explodes.

What's that all about?

Well, have you been keeping track of the Bush administration's handling of the Justice Department's civil suit begun during the Clinton years against Big Tobacco? If not, it's no surprise you're a bit confused.

"The government presented a strong case regarding the industry's liability. However, in closing arguments on June 7, 2005, the government significantly reduced one of its most important remedies....The government's expert witness on smoking cessation recommended requiring the industry to pay for a 25-year, $130 billion program to help smokers quit. But the government called for only a five-year, $10 billion program. The Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids and other public health groups criticized this proposal as inadequate, and several newspapers reported that political appointees at the Justice Department ordered the legal team to reduce this proposed remedy." (Full report here).

Big Tobacco, working hand-in-hand with compassionate conservatives in the Bush administration, is on the cusp of saving itself $120 billion. Not only that but, if the deal goes through, the industry will not be forced to spend a ton of money convincing people to reject its demonstrably dangerous product.

But -- and pay attention now, because this is the point -- under the Bush DOJ deal Big Tobacco would be forced to spend only $10 billion on anti-smoking campaigns but they promise to do more, "voluntarily."

And that's why you are being bombarded with tobacco-company sponsored anti-smoking ads. Even as you read this, attorneys for anti-smoking groups are in court trying to prevent the Bush administration from giving Big Tobacco such a sweet deal. That's why these companies are throwing all those public service ads at us -- to prove they really, really, really do get it.