News & Politics

DURST: Extreme Idiots

"Vito Seskunas of Baltimore was skiing in the back country of Wyoming's Grand Teton National Park when he broke his ankle, then slid and crawled 5 miles over three days to reach help. You know, you never hear of stuff like this happening to people going to the multiplex."
I don't know if you read this, but Vito Seskunas of Baltimore was skiing in the back country of Wyoming's Grand Teton National Park when he broke his ankle, then slid and crawled 5 miles over three days to reach help. He is now listed in stable condition in the intensive care unit of St. John's Hospital in Jackson after surgery.You know, you never hear of stuff like this happening to people going to the multiplex. What the hell is he doing in the back country of the Grand Tetons in the first place? This kind of stuff only happens to skiers. And nobody seems to mind spending millions of dollars to find them. You'd think they were F-17's gone missing.Just this year, some lady left the trail in Tahoe, disappeared for a couple of days and eventually they stumbled onto her after sending out rescue parties and dogs and helicopters and seeing eye ferrets with global positioning spleens. She was the one who wrote a goodby note with mascara. No food but she left the trail with eyeliner. They never seem to do this kind of stuff for guys who get lost on the way home after bartime.You know, I wouldn't mind a dog coming to sniff out my location cowering behind a bush someday. Just because I'm not wearing fancy brightly colored clothing that's way too shiny, nobody cares what happens to me. I don't need the helicopters. All I'm really looking for is the damn St. Bernard with the tiny keg of brandy.Will Durst doesn't even like brandy. But she was a fine girl. What a good wife she will be.
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