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DURST: You Can't Make Stuff Up Like This

Durst writes: "Scientists have developed a more humane way of testing chemicals on lab animals. As a result they will have longer happier lives stuffed into their little cages."
 
 
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* Let me get this straight: Mike Tyson is undergoing a series of psychiatric examinations to determine if he's sane enough to box professionally. I would say he's only qualified if he fails, but then what do I know? I wear a Timex.* Poor Florida. $300 million in damage by Hurricane Georges right on the heels of the Florida Marlins. State's new name should be "Disasters R Us."* Scientists have developed a more humane way of testing chemicals on lab animals. As a result they will have longer happier lives stuffed into their little cages. * Things are pretty bad at Soldier Field. The most formidable line at a Bears game this football season is the one to the exit. * A new report says college kids drink to get drunk. The biggest surprise is they found researchers who didn't already know this.* Concord University in Los Angeles is offering an on-line law degree. Of course if you get caught lying or cheating, you are automatically put on the Dean's List. * I'm not saying that Clinton shouldn't be feeling a little skitterish, but having the Marine Band play "Hail To The Temp" seems a bit like rubbing it in. * There are worse gigs in the world than caterer at a Supermodels Convention. "Who ordered the one house salad with 52 forks?"Will Durst has a fork.