Playing it Any Way But Straight

By Elana Berkowitz, Campus Progress. Posted August 26, 2005.

Dan Savage is the author of the internationally-syndicated sex advice column Savage Love. A mainstay in the alternative press, Savage's funny, provocative and sometimes profane columns range from reflections on bizarre fetishes to his views -- both positive and negative -- of the gay rights movement. Savage juggles being a respected newspaper editor, loving father and partner, and a dignified gay man in today's America, all while writing one of the most salacious weekly advice columns in print today. His latest book, The Commitment, a memoir on gay marriage, drops this September. Campus Progress sat down with Dan to discuss hot conservatives, the urban archipelago, and the two types of Santorum.

How did you respond to the outing of a high ranking staffer of one of your longtime foes -- Rick Santorum?

It's typical. They don't believe what they say about homosexuality, or they wouldn't have people like that on staff. I was on Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect a while ago with some jackass from Stop Homosexuality International. The guy just got back from vacation and we were talking about that. And then I looked at him after the show, and said, "How can you just sit there and trade quips with me on some goofy late night show?" and he kind of laughed and shrugged it off. But it goes to the heart of people like James Dobson who say that they believe we're a threat to the survival of the planet ... why don't they ever act like we are?

Speaking of James Dobson, what do you make of his advice on preventing homosexuality in your child through affirming his maleness by showering with him and teaching him to pound square wooden pegs into square holes?

We gay people, we just don't know how to get pegs into holes. That's really beyond our capability.

The Dobson thing was pretty funny. But sometimes in this political climate it is hard to keep laughing. How do you get through it?

How old are you?

I'm 25.

I'm 40. I came out in 1979 and then the AIDS shit started and we weathered that storm. And we'll get through this. I think for some queers or straight folks your age it seems more dire. I still think it's pretty dire. The scariest years of the AIDS epidemic passed because we fought, not because we folded our arms and waited for the storm to blow over, we pushed it away.

Given the ways in which various conservatives want to legislate the gay community, it seems hard to imagine voting for conservatives if you are gay. How do you respond to gay Republicans?

How do you respond to Republican women? Republican Hispanics? There are some people who are just deeply damaged. Look, I have some gay Republican friends who aren't crazy; I would count Andrew Sullivan among them, but he endorsed Kerry last time out. Not all gay Republicans are crazy or willing to lash themselves to the whale of George Bush.

You look at gay people and all studies show we drink more, we smoke more, we do more recreational drugs. Gay people are more likely to take extreme ill-advised sexual risks. There's a certain self-destructive streak that I don't think has anything to do with homosexuality per se, but has everything to do with the pain that gets wedged into your soul when you internalize the bad things you are told about being gay and punish yourself all your life.

I would add voting Republican when you're gay to that list, along with doing crystal meth and having sex with 40 guys in one weekend. They're both dumbass, self-destructive things to do. A certain number of people are stupid enough to off themselves.

In your upcoming book, The Commitment , and a recent This American Life piece, you talk about your son's reaction to gay marriage -- which went from negative to positive. How did his transformation take place?

Kid culture is a really strong thing. All these gender attitudes get passed on just like the "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" song our kid came home singing from kindergarten.

At home, we didn't force him to play with dolls. He didn't like dolls; he liked cars and trucks, bombs and guns. But we didn't present them as boy toys. He learned that at school. Kindergarten is like the Academy Francois. Every noun has a gender, and kids all learn it. Everything has a gender and it gets reinforced in this creepy way that as a parent you can't do much about. It was at school where he learned marriage was for boys and girls.

He couldn't understand why his fathers would even think about marriage -- neither of us were girls. It was all mixed-up in his little head; he thought gay meant living with your best friend. We had to walk it very carefully; I mean we're not going to pop in a gay porn tape or anything, but we said, "Well, friends don't share a bed. People in love do." Eventually he got it. His friends' parents started getting divorced and he was watching a marriage collapse. That was when he understood how serious it was. He felt threatened.

Liked this story? Get top stories in your inbox each week from AlterNet! Sign up now »