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Domestic Violence Not a Problem?

By Judith Kahan, AlterNet. Posted July 21, 2005.


The Violence Against Women Act is set to expire in September -- and unless Congress can ensure that domestic abuse ends by then, our lawmakers have a responsibility to renew and expand the bill.

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Apparently, hundreds of our elected representatives believe domestic violence is no longer a problem -- or at least not the government's problem. They're wrong on both counts.

In New York City, if you added up all the reported robberies, burglaries, and murders in 2003 and multiplied that number by two, it still would not equal the number of calls received by the City's domestic violence hotline.

Across the country, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day. One in every three women will be physically assaulted by a partner. Every year, 10 million children experience domestic violence in their homes.

Domestic violence is a huge problem -- and since 1994, the Violence Against Women Act has given law enforcement and social services agencies a tremendous tool to fight it. But the Violence Against Women Act is set to expire at the end of September. Unless Congress can ensure that domestic violence will also end by then, our lawmakers have a responsibility to renew and expand it. It should be an easy decision. So why isn't it?

The Act created the National Domestic Violence Hotline; funded training sessions for police, prosecutors and court officials; and established new federal crimes of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking to fill in jurisdictional gaps in prosecuting these crimes. It also provided federal guarantees that allow protection orders to be enforced across state lines, and enhanced protection for immigrants who are battered, focusing attention on human trafficking. That is money well spent. But it is far from enough.

The Center Against Domestic Violence -- one of the first recipients in New York State of funding from the Act -- operates three shelters serving 650 women and children annually. As the center’s CEO, I have witnessed first-hand the need for the continued protection afforded by the Violence Against Women Act.

One African woman came to our shelter after police found her chained to her radiator. Back in her country, her brothers had sold her to her American "husband" who brought her to this country illegally, raped her repeatedly, infected her with syphilis and got her pregnant against her will. The Violence Against Women Act helped this victim of domestic violence to stay in the United States where she could avail herself of the counseling that helped her overcome her horrendous ordeal.

The bill to renew the Violence Against Women Act would also expand the law, by supporting programs that teach teens and young adults to recognize and prevent relationship, domestic and dating violence, sexual assault and stalking. The Relationship Abuse Prevention Program (RAPP), operated by New York City's Human Resources Administration, teaches more than 50,000 high school students every year the warning signs of domestic violence and how they can help friends in abusive relationships.

When it was reauthorized five years ago, the Violence Against Women Act had 239 co-sponsors in the House of Representatives and 74 in the Senate. This year, the bill has only 55 cosponsors in the House and 32 in the Senate -- and some conservative organizations are questioning whether federal money should be spent to fight domestic abuse at all.

On average, enforcing the act has cost American taxpayers less than $1.30 each, per year -- about ten cents a month. Renewing and expanding the Violence Against Women Act is one of the smartest investments we can make in fighting and preventing one of the most rampant forms of crime in this country.

Digg!

Judith Kahan has served as CEO of Brooklyn's Center Against Domestic Violence since 1992. Those seeking help can call the Center’s 24-hour hotline at 718-439-1000.

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"Moderate" Roberts' on Womens Violence & more,hardly moderate!
Posted by: survivor on Jul 21, 2005 4:48 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The "moderate" nominee, Roberts, has a very frightening stance on Women's voilence, among many other issues. I hope people will be sure they know exactly where Roberts stands on many issues.
One law he wants to strike is "The Violence Against Women law".
A few more issues he believes in are: anti-abortion,anti-civil rights, anti-environment, anti-free speech, anti-worker protection, anti-religious liberty, anti-ALL U.S. soldiers rights, anti-separation of church & state, pro-segregation, pro-privatization, pro-giving the Prez. sweeping rights to determine ANY U.S. citizen an enemy combatant, pro-large government & large corporations taking rights & power away from U.S. citizens, very pro-Rove................"MODERATE" is NOT a word I would ever consider using to describe Roberts!!!
Alliance for Justice has been closely following Roberts' career, all he believes in and stands for. Definitely worth looking into!

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A 'stealth' assault on women
Posted by: jazzyjer on Jul 21, 2005 7:29 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
One aspect of the violence against woman problem that is not getting enough attention lies hidden in some of the anti-gay marriage initiatives that are being placed on state ballots throughout the country. The constitutional amendment passed in Ohio last November denies the rights and benefits of marriage to ANY unmarried couple. The practical effect has been that domestic violence laws no longer apply to cohabiting heterosexual couples. I suppose to the right wing, this is OK because these people are living in "sin."

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Domestic Violence Intervention
Posted by: needlefoot on Jul 21, 2005 7:39 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I currently volunteer as a domestic violence intervention advocate with my local police department. When called out by the police we often meet with the survivor on scene or at the hospital. In either case we are trying to support a woman (or a man) who is in crisis. Often these survivors will choose not to leave the abuser, walking right back into the same situation. It drives me nuts, but I am not "walking in their shoes" and cannot, therefore, make judgement calls about their decisions.
The point being, it takes time for people to work themselves free of domestic violence situations. I am a first responder. I will refer them on to the agencies and organizations that are better funded and equipped to work with survivors over long periods of time.
Better funded. Better equipped. It is imperative that this law be extended.

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Men Are Also Victims
Posted by: ethansmom on Jul 21, 2005 9:03 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I totally agree with the article except it fails to mention that men are victims of DV too. This is a thought I didn't consider due to the fact that I am a woman who was a victim of domestic violence. But about a week ago I was reading articles at askmen.com and had a look at their men's issues forum message boards. There is a topic of Domestic Violence and How Men Are Viewed with about 60 plus responses. Many statistics were given to show that men are beaten and murdered by intimates as well. Not at the exact same rate, but the numbers might be higher than many people realize. I looked on batteredmen.com and found much more info there. BOTH genders as well as children need continued protection as domestic violence is a horrible problem in our society that is here to stay.

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» RE: Men Are Also Victims hahaha Posted by: FlapJackSeven
» RE: Men Are Also Victims hahaha Posted by: MausMasher
» RE: Men Are Also Victims hahaha Posted by: ethansmom
» RE: Men Are Also Victims Posted by: carpee
» RE: Men Are Also Victims Posted by: dahmdir
Money for "Marriage Counseling" but not for Domestic Violence Prevention?
Posted by: janvdb on Jul 21, 2005 10:35 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
So, these "great moral leaders" we have these days are funding "marriage counseling" for "welfare queens" and cutting funding for VAWA?

All this about "saving marriage" we hear. Ha. What's being saved is not "marriage," it's MALE POWER in marriage.

Ditto the whole abortion debate. The failure to punish/prevent domestic violence, stigmatizing divorced and single mothers with "marriage promotion," making abortion illegal -- they are all about depriving women of control of their lives and reducing them to the dependent, beatable position they occupied for centuries before modern medice and civilized values released us.

And released the planet as well, by the way, from gross overpopulation and destruction. Released humans from mass poverty and famine. Released all living things on Planet Earth from sure Hell.

Without modern medical science and the empowerment of women to avail themselves of it, what would global population be today -- 15 million or so? And how many fish would be left in the sea?

Women have got to be free and powerful or the world is going to burn. Weak women cause overpopulation which causes poverty which causes war and the destruction of the environment.

Do the research -- indicators of weak women's rights are highly correlated with high rates of birth, which are correlated with underemployment, poverty and war.

Half of all American pregnancies are aborted. Are we all ready to double our birthrate? Twice the schools, twice the new subdivisions, twice the new JOBS coming up?

HA. Mass unemployment coming up, folks. Pushing back women's rights will destroy our economy. Low end wages will collapse and our prisons will burgeon.

All civilized, decent, rich countries have strong women with a few, well-educated children. Good labor forces start with good family planning and good educational systems.

But our government is all about weakening women and driving up the numbers of undereducated children to push down wages, so their buddies can get rich fast raping the environment with cheap labor, all the while enjoying a suck-up wife and a couple of mistresses.

Meanwhile, "our" Democrats want to pretend that women's rights are just a little side issue. NOT.

Where is MoveOn on VAWA? Where are the emails?

Jan VanDenBerg

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Domestic Violence Educator
Posted by: PeaceClinic on Jul 21, 2005 12:28 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This is a real crisis. Time is running out for saving the entire DV progam funding in the USA. Please contact the PeaceClinic regarding legislation for domestic violence. Become a part of the solution.

a href="http://www.thepeaceclinic.org">linked text

Heart felt thanks to Judith Kahan, AlterNet, for this alarming report.

Chloe Joquel Freeland, Founder of The PeaceClinic, USA, peaceclinic@att.net

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Rotten society...
Posted by: gmmonko on Jul 22, 2005 11:18 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
America is a rotten society. Child abuseand women beating is quite common. Just follow the press.
The civilized world can do without these American christian values.
Also the bombing of civilians is proof that Americans cowards are crooks and murderes.

Sieg Heil. Bush=Hitler or Stalin. Democracy=Plutocracy

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Say no to civil liberties unless you want to beat your spouse?
Posted by: WhatNow? on Jul 23, 2005 5:03 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Our fine congressmen and women want to destroy our civil liberties with the patriot act but do not want to stop terrorism in our local households. Is this the fourth reich?

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We ALL need to know MORE to understand the impact
Posted by: Bimbeot on Jul 23, 2005 3:27 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Yes, men do get abused. However the official statistic is 94% of the time it's the woman being abused. Often what might seem to be an abused man is a woman defending herself. Controlling & abusive men are masters of manipulation. Among the many things they do is physically hurt a woman in places that are unseen or at the very least embarrassing for her to reveal. My 200lb+ ex would corner me pressed hard against me while pressing me against the walls on 3 sides & in defense I would hit at his head & face because I couldn't breathe & he was gripping my head in his hands & yanking on it. He did it on purpose so that he'd have something to show the police when they came as he knew they would even if he had to call them when he was finished. If I didn't defend myself he would even hurt himself in order to have something to show the police. What didn't show were my broken ribs, tailbone, elbow or the choking to passing out he was doing to me. Even the picking me up and tossing me, tripping me, sitting on me after he had flung me to the floor. What bruises I did get often wouldn't show until the next day. They do say that the best time to take pictures of the abuse is 2 to 3 days later when the bruises have fully developed. I learned that telling the truth is worth nothing although I refused to lie because I didn't want to be like him and I knew if I lied that too would be used against me.

The men who abuse have disordered thinking. They believe (or tell themselves) unless they use their fists & hit in the face they aren't really beating up anyone. Their sense of entitlement gives them permission to punish when they sense any slight whether real or fiction and they use that to say they are being abused & only reacting.

I used to think that if I was ever hit I would be out of there so fast you wouldn't even see me leave but it doesn't happen that way. It just isn't something you can fully understand until you go through it. For me the battering didn't happen until 12 years into the relationship. However, the non-battering abuse always preceeds & accompanies the battering. It is grooming & includes verbal, emotional, psychological, social, economic abuse. Get her to give up her friends & family, her job, her sense of self & become reliant. Get her to bond traumatically to her abuser as in Stockholm Syndrome:

Ask Yahoo! (What is Stockholm Syndrome)

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We ALL need to know MORE (continued...)
Posted by: Bimbeot on Jul 23, 2005 3:15 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Looking back I can see the signs which aren't always as clear-cut as they seem when viewing a list. I didn't realize his blocking my way out, taking phones away, etc are physical acts of control. To the outside world he was charming & well-liked, even respected. They had no clue what he was like when they weren't around. They couldn't comprehend he wasn't charming all the time, that the charm was an act for their & his benefit. The same charm he used to seduce in the first place that one hasn't forgotten & hopes to get back if one can only do the right things. But it will never happen because it's his set-up for your failure.

He even had his sister come to get our daughter on my birthday so we could spend some time alone... He'd already taken the phones away. He started in as soon as his sister left & for the next 6 to 7 hours he screamed, dissed, tossed, tripped, yanked, blocked, mocked, cornered, refused to let me leave even though half-naked I tried & mockingly handed me a phone that didn't work & told me to try calling for help. Finally he called the police himself, met them at the door to tell them that I was having a psychotic break because of the pain pills I was taking for an auto accident & was suicidal & he had been trying to keep me from hurting myself. It was truly amazing how calm he was which made me even more hysterical. The 2 male officers were very sympathetic to this caring man they met & very dismissing of me, asking as they took me to detox if my story was true why I don't just leave him. Somehow, through introspection from the officers or someone reading their reports something clicked & the Domestic Violence Reduction Unit was sent to the house a couple days later. They gave me information, took pictures & gave me resources to check out (though my ex found them & took them). It did plant the seed in my head that I needed to & could get out.

After the police came the first time & he escaped unscathed even respected for 'trying to save me' he seemed to lose all restraint knowing he could charm & lie his way out the next time & that I had no confidence in the authorities. You think men don't report abuse because of their egos but neither do women if only for their own protection & often the children. I can't tell you how many times he casually mentioned protecting his custody rights even though he spent no time with his child except when others could see him being a model father.

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We ALL need to know MORE (continued...)
Posted by: Bimbeot on Jul 23, 2005 3:22 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Imagine his surprise the 3rd time the police were called & they made HIM leave. Imagine when he was told he needed to attend Domestic Intervention groups once a week for the next year (Anger Management isn't effective because it isn't anger but control that is at issue with anger used as a tool & excuse).

None of that would have happened without the Violence Against Women Act because it probably wouldn't have been in place or studied to find the best intervention & preventions.

Once he started his groups he claimed I was the abusive one. It was only later that I discovered this is common. For one because memories of abuse are much more vivid & imprinted on our brains than memories of being abusive. With men like my ex, anything I did that he didn't approve of was considered abusive to him.

The most disturbing thing I have discovered is that he & men like him use websites like the battered men site to claim they are the ones being abused & persecuted much as they actually did to their women. There is even one site that explains in detail how to defend & resist any claims of abuse by women as false & made up by women just being nasty, petty & trying to gain the upper hand in a break-up by attempting to damage his reputation.

I find it sad when the claim that men are abused too is used to minimize what women go through. Again, unless you go through it you have absolutely no clue how the world is stacked against the women. Yes, there are men who are abused by women, but also men abused by other men, women abused by other women. Percentage-wise women don't report just as much as abused men but given the numbers that means for every 6 men who don't report there are 94 women not reporting.

Also, please realize that while there are shelters & crisis lines now, the shelters turn away 9 out of 10 women because they just don't have room & are constantly underfunded. Even if you get in, you can often stay only for 30 to 60 days & it is extremely difficult to turn your life around in that time after what is often years of losing yourself. A sad fact is, once a woman is turned out of a shelter she often ends up right back with the man for lack of somewhere to go.

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We ALL need to know MORE (continued...)
Posted by: Bimbeot on Jul 23, 2005 3:28 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
On a more positive note, there are more shelters than there was 20 years ago. It's no longer the dirty secret everyone knows but doesn't acknowledge. People are talking & effective programs are now in place for both parties. There are now options where there were none before. Overall, according to a recent AP story, violent domestic abuse is dropping by as much as 50%. This shows that the Violence Against Women Act is effective & working. But half is hardly good enough. We are still talking about millions here. Approximately 25% of all relationships are abusive.

Whatever you do, no matter the gender, please do not abandon someone who is being abused. It isn't contagious and he or she needs that connection more than you will hopefully understand. At least help find an Abuse Recovery group.

For some understanding please read, "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It was the book that set me free because while I knew what he was doing I couldn't understand why, for instance he said he loved me but treated me as he did and if he hated me why would he not let me leave:
Amazon: Why Does He Do That?

The men in Abuse Intervention groups KNOW this book and despise it.

Or at least read:
Mind of the Abuser

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TAKE ACTION! Contact Congress About VAWA Now!
Posted by: StopFamilyViolence on Jul 24, 2005 7:26 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) -- landmark legislation that provides life-saving hotlines, shelters, services and laws to protect victims of sexual assault, dating violence, domestic violence and stalking, will expire September 30 unless Congress acts soon.

ACT NOW!

Visit StopFamilyViolence.org

to learn more about VAWA and to send a free message to your legislators urging them to act quickly!

Irene Weiser
Executive Director
StopFamilyViolence.org

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Verbal Abuse
Posted by: Jerome Kelley on Aug 8, 2005 12:28 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I honestly say that I am scared to be a white male in this country. A mere rumor can put me in jail by most anyone. I will be guilty until proven guilty. All a woman has to do is say she is scared of me. It is hard to come home and your wifes boyfriend has drank you last beer. You got to bed and they didn't even change the sheets. IfI say anything or get angry. I will be incarcerated. I realize that in specific cultures real domestic violence isn't reported because of fear from gangs and friends. As soon as I can I will leave this country and try to find one that I am free to at least not walk in fear. Women are experts at verbal abuse and mental cruelty. The push your buttons until you explode. After a long time in jail you will soon learn not one of them is worth the risk of that torment. No wonder according to all the stats, american women are the least desirable on the face of the earth. I realize that some are truly brutalized. The men that do that usually go free while men like me pay the ultimate. I am a veteran but will never fight for the women of this country ever. Just what I know and how I feel. Abused in Ohio.

Jerome Kelly

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» RE: Verbal Abuse Posted by: djisabella