Say No to Hillary In '08

I heard two jaw-droppingly silly things over the weekend. They were:

1. Laura Bush for President
2. Hillary Clinton for President

While neither suggestion is silly because both are women, they are nonetheless both silly, though for very different reasons.

The Laura Bush endorsement came from the venomous lips of Dick Cheney's wife, Lynn.

"If we are talking about a Bush dynasty, then let's have Laura run for President," Lynn Cheney said on Larry King. Her husband nodded in agreement.

Right. A Stepford Wife becomes leader of the free world and Commander-in-Chief of the world's only superpower. Not likely.

Even the most delusional, power-drunk Republicans wouldn't do something that dumb. Laura ain't exactly Margaret Thatcher. Hell, she isn't even an Eva Peron or Imelda Marcos. She's a librarian.

Lynn Cheney's remark was simply part of an orchestrated effort by Bushites to elevate Laura to the level of Nancy Reagan. There's a history here. Those not familiar with the Reagan/Bush clan feud may find this hard to understand. But these two political dynasties have hated each other from the get-go.

The Bushes were considered and treated as second-class nobles by the Reagans. For example, in eight years in office VP George H.W. Bush and Second Lady Barbara were never once invited to dinner at the White House with Ronny and Nancy. Not once.

Now with their days at the White House ticking down, the Bushites are working feverously to remake Laura. They sent her to the Middle East to soothe growing hatred of America and to be seen making nice to Muslims. The world has not seen anything that silly and condescending since Ronald Reagan flew a chocolate cake and a signed Christian Bible to the Ayatollah Khomeini.

Remember when Nancy Reagan took on drugs? ("Just say no to drugs"). Well, Laura is one-upping Nancy. Laura is America's new "anti-street gang tsar." ("Just say no to joining a street gang.") Laura is getting down in the 'hood with the homeboys and talking straight shit about street gangs. Oh, you betcha.

Enough about Laura. She is no Nancy Reagan, and for that alone she should be feel fulfilled.

Hillary for President?

Jesus H. Christ -- what the hell are top Dems doing playing footsy with Hillary? Do Democrats have a secret death pact we don't know about? If they want to lose a third general election in a row, go ahead, run Hillary for President of the United States of America.

The reasons not to do such a thing are obvious to anyone not drinking the Clintonite Kool-Aid. Let me list just the ones that roll off the top of my not-so-bright head:

• Hillary Moonies cite recent polls showing that likely Democrat voters would vote for Hillary if she ran. Yes, this is true -- but why? The answer is not reassuring. It is because the less voters see and hear of Hillary the more they like her. Which means the converse is true as well. Just get her out on the national campaign trail, on the news every night, in dozens of ads on TV, and in nationally televised debates and watch those poll numbers plummet. I will bet my firstborn on it. Hillary grates on people. Maybe that's unfair. But it's still true.

• Hillary has triangulated herself into irrelevance with her hawkish support for the war in Iraq. She did this in order to show she could be tough, just like a man. All she really proved was that she could be a conniving politician, just like men.

• All's fair in love, war and politics. So expect all that Kenneth Starr variety crap about the Clintons to make a big comeback. I know that Starr and his Dark Side minions failed to prove most of the allegations against the Clintons. But the Clintons' own sloppy ethics provided the very fuel on which the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy ran. If Hillary runs for president the Swift Boat Veterans will be back in a new form, but in full form. They will pound her relentlessly. Unfair? You bet. Go tell it to John Kerry.
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