Why We Remain

Almost two weeks ago, another brave humanitarian worker was killed in Iraq. I learned from a friend that Marla Ruzicka of Campaign for Innocent Victims in Conflict (CIVIC) was killed with her driver on the infamous Baghdad airport road -- one of the most dangerous roads in the country. My friend knew that too many times, I found out about a death of another aid worker through the cold ink of a newspaper, or the matter of fact announcement on TV. This time she wanted to make sure I heard the news of Marla from a friend.

It has been over a year since the first deaths of international civilians in Iraq. For each death, we, the remaining internationals working or traveling into Iraq, had an excuse -- an indirect way to blame the dead. She worked too closely with the U.S. government. She was in Iraq for a long time and caused waves. She refused to travel with security. She stayed out too late. She pushed too hard. She trusted the wrong people. We find any excuse to distance ourselves from the reality that we may be next. The unfortunate reality is, those of us working in Iraq are consoled that Marla's death was a "wrong place, wrong time" accident, not a kidnapping or targeted killing.

I do not want to intrude on Marla's family with my personal condolences. Nothing I would say would be enough. But I believe everyone should know about Marla's dedication. Her tenacity was legendary -- not just for the Iraqi people -- but for anyone who works in the field. In a country where few NGOs remain and most humanitarian workers never leave the secure compounds and guarded hotels where they live, Marla's work was not only about fighting for Iraqis -- her presence was a call for aid workers to be in Iraq and be visible there, reaching out as truly neutral humanitarians who work directly with the Iraqi people.

On the day that Marla was killed, I was in a discussion about where the international community had gone wrong: How did the international NGOs and humanitarian workers lose the space and access needed to show Iraqis another face -- the face of a neutral, non-military, giving and caring international society? Has our decision to remain low profile cost us Iraqis' trust forever? And by staying out of sight, have we allowed others to define our missions? I do not know the answers, but I believe it did not have to be this way.

There was a clear failure on the part of all those involved, and now we are suffering the consequences. Because we were not visible, too many Iraqis now believe the only face of the international community is one that carries a gun and guards check points. Instead of witnessing the world coming to help them rebuild, the majority of news they see is of innocent civilians killed in the crossfire between insurgents and the military and police forces. This view of the international community not only cripples Iraq today, but also it will scar the country's relationship to the world for decades to come.

People always ask: why do we keep going back to Iraq? We don't put ourselves at risk for money. It's not a cowboy mentality, not for the high, and not because we are emergency junkies. Instead, there is a clear pull for those of us who have been in Iraq over the last two years to either come back or find a way to stay involved. Whether it's the U.S. soldier who goes back home and works for Iraq from afar or the international aid worker who keeps returning to Iraq to work within the community -- the pull to Iraq is strong.

I cannot speak for all aid workers, but I know for myself I can never completely leave Iraq until I feel my mission is complete. Iraqis have sacrificed so much, and to abandon is something I personally refuse to accept.

The international community owes it to the Iraqi people to assist them in their struggle to rebuild their nation. While the conditions are treacherous, a sense of humanitarian solidarity is something that must be created. Over the past two years, international aid workers' mobility and access has severely been limited, to the point of making us handicapped. Marla was not ready to give up that right so easily. She was right: we must get out and stay out in the fields, even if that means not being there ourselves, but helping Iraqis rebuild their country by giving them the resources to do so. They should not have to do it on their own, and they do not want to rely on military forces and private coalition contractors to do it for them.