Tis the Season
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They're kicking Santa below the belt. Throwing the high heat right at Frosty's head. And flying reindeer are this close to being placed on the endangered species list. But don't sweat too much blood fretting, because it happens every year. Right in the middle of the very season we're supposed to be honoring the birth of the Prince of Peace, people start fussing and fighting so loudly you can barely hear those dogs barking out "Jingle Bells."
A lighted fir in a town square accidentally gets called a Christmas Tree instead of the Community Tree and people start flipping out like Chinese acrobats in zero gravity on trampolines. A school cancels a production of "A Christmas Carol" worrying Tiny Tim's line: "God bless us everyone" will offend, when let's face it, every production of "A Christmas Carol" should be canceled. Especially the Kelsey Grammar one. Then you got malls banning bell ringing charity Santas. Man, that's lower than the belly of a no-legged wiener dog.
Where will it end people? How long before a restraining order is slapped on Rudolph claiming the dazzling brightness of his nose constitutes a public safety hazard? Or trapezoidal plants hire a high priced team of lawyers demanding equal representation with the tyrannical pyramidical branch of firs? When will the FDA declare every fruitcake in the country be confiscated and dumped at sea? Actually, that's not such a bad idea.
C'mon guys, lighten up. It's Christmas. And Kwanza. And Hanukkah. And Saturnalia. And Festivus. And Sol Invictus. And a bunch of other holidays all having their roots in the fact that we're celebrating the sun not being eaten by the giant dragon in the sky and the days are getting longer again.
All sides have valid points. Christians, you can't go around calling folks "pagans" just because they ran out of cloves for the mulled wine. And Non- Christians, I'm sorry, but you're beating your head against 85% of the country, and more importantly, the corporate merchandizing steamroller. Settle down. Besides, it'll all be over before you can say, "Oh my God, there's tinsel coming out of the dog's butt."
So, no matter how you celebrate the holiday; filing non-discrimination suits for the ACLU, hiding the egg nog from Uncle Bud, or dancing naked round a blazing bonfire in the snow, may the fat man in the red suit smile upon your festive shrubbery. See, doesn't matter how you say it: still sounds nice. Remember, the real magic of the season lies in our hearts. Got that from a Hallmark card.
As a practicing Druid, political comic Will Durst is going to be busy setting up and probably being sole participant in that bonfire thing.