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The Day After the Third of July

A day to celebrate a land that guarantees its citizens justice, equality and the right to the pursuit of happiness, a right Jennifer Lopez seems intent on pushing way past any arbitrary limits.
 
 
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Ah, the 4th. Best holiday of the year. Let's drink a lot of beer and handle explosives. I love it. Parades and bottle rockets and squirt guns and barbecues and ballgames, all done up in a patriotic panorama of red, white and blue. Dead solid summer and the next items on the agenda are the innocent jangle of the ice cream truck bell, the eye watering tang of over-chlorined pools and the frenzied kidney bursting cries of "Are we there yet?"

Understandably lost in the festive shuffle is the very reason we hold the holiday. To observe the birth of the greatest country in the world. A country that above all else honors freedom, opportunity and scantily clad super models. A land that guarantees its citizens justice, equality and the right to the pursuit of happiness, a right Jennifer Lopez seems intent on pushing way past any arbitrary limits.

And while we sweat away the day together running three legged races past card- table lemonade stands, it'll take 24 hours tops before we're back at each other's throats like feverish cave weasels during the predawn hours of the first day of mating season. But hey, you know what, we'll endure. This is a pretty darn resilient country. We made it through two terms of Reagan, survived 8 years of Clinton, a Carter, 2 Bushes and a partridge in a pear tree.

America is more than just a nation. It's a notion. It's an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you? Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks. And that's such a tiny demographic sliver.

So no matter your political persuasion, when you look up at those fireworks shot into the sky to honor our independence, think of them as the individual bursts of the light that when wielded correctly, democracy can shine. The light that allows us to say whatever we want, as long as it isn't on AM radio.

Also, think of those explosions as harbingers of the chaos we can expect in the upcoming days before November 2nd. Let's practice, shall we? Oooh, aaah. And oh yeah, save a Sheboygan Brat, an ear of roasted corn and a cold frosty one for me, would ya? Oooh. Aaah.

Don't worry, Will Durst will find a way to consume many brats and ears of corn on his own. Don't forget, Will Durst at the Purple Onion on Wednesday the 30 and Cobbs Comedy Club for the big political summit July 1- 3.