The Breast and the Brightest

It has come to this: The Federal Communications Commission has announced that it plans an investigation into the exposure of Janet Jackson’s right breast during the Super Bowl halftime show. "That celebration was tainted by a classless, crass and deplorable stunt," FCC commissioner Michael Powell said. He wasn’t referring to Josh Groban’s freakish tribute to the Columbia astronauts, which featured a man in a space suit standing goofily on a fake moon surface, not that the Columbia astronauts actually walked on the moon, but whatever. "Our nation’s children, parents and citizens deserve better," Powell said.

If you’ve been living in a cave since Sunday morning, a quick recap. The Super Bowl halftime show featured a medley of performers including Janet Jackson, P. Diddy, Nelly, Kid Rock and Justin Timberlake. Technically, Jessica Simpson was part of it, but she didn’t actually sing anything. Then again, it didn’t look like any of the other performers actually sang anything either. Lip-synching was the order of the day.

Anyway, Justin and Janet danced a duet, and at the end of it Justin grabbed the leather cup covering Janet’s right breast and ripped it off. If you believe Timberlake, a red liner was supposed to cover Jackson’s skin, but he ripped that off too. For about half a second, if you looked really hard, you could kinda-sorta see Jackson’s breast. But even then, not really -- as the Drudge Report later showed in great close-up, Jackson was wearing what I can only describe as a throwing-star nipple ring, which suggests either that she had wisely prepared for the incident or that Janet Jackson wears some really funky jewelry.

The outrage came fast and furious. The NFL announced that MTV wouldn’t be producing another halftime show anytime soon. Deeply offended newspaper columnists wrote articles like The Boston Globe’s "Jackson & Co. sink to new low," which would, in fact, be an interesting thesis to debate.

And inevitably, cultural conservatives saw a prime opportunity to engage in a little fundraising. Both the Family Research Council and the Parents Television Council, headed by right-wing media critic (i.e., nut) Brent Bozell, cranked out high-minded criticisms. Predictably, CBS "deeply" regretted the incident, and Timberlake apologized too. (In my vision of heaven, I dream of having to apologize for ripping off Janet Jackson’s breastplate at halftime of the Super Bowl.)

This is what semioticians would describe as a "dense" cultural moment, so let us unpack some of its ironies.

First, CBS and MTV are both owned by Viacom, which obviously saw a chance to exploit corporate synergy by hiring MTV to produce the halftime show. I don’t know about you, but it warms my heart when massive media corporations try to foist corporate synergy on the unsuspecting public and wind up being investigated by the FCC.

Second, CBS is the company that wouldn’t air an anti-Bush ad by MoveOn.org because it didn’t want to offend the White House and conservatives, just as it spiked a Ronald Reagan mini-series to avoid offending the White House and conservatives. And then it runs a halftime show which offends the White House and conservatives. How quickly all the previous sucking up is forgotten.

Third, let us not forget that this outrage is all about a half-second of partially nipple ring-covered breast. This in an hour-long game of brutal violence -- CBS certainly didn't hesitate to show blood spilling from one player's nose in the first quarter -- in a sport with a steroid problem, many of whose players have taken to owning unregistered guns, while other players are encouraged to become so obese that they risk dying on the field. Yes, it’s definitely the breast that we should get worked up about.