All Things Queer and Quirky

If you've read a newspaper or watched TV in the last six months, you might think all gay people are spiffy white guys bent on redecorating hetero America in soft cranberry hues with tasteful cowhide sofas. Or that we're all Episcopalian bishops who kneel, ahem, only to pray. Or, better yet, we've got what comedian Kate Clinton calls "Mad Vow Disease" -- all of us happily coupled and chomping at the bit to get hitched.

Since last summer, a tidal wave of news has flooded our shores with stories of gay marriage, gay bishops and gays remodeling straight men, but little else about the reality of gay lives has been reported. As a result, some beautiful and bizarre stories have been overlooked. And that, dear readers, is a crying shame.

In the spirit of keeping you up-to-the-moment in all things queer (a state I know you long for), I present the best of the those hard-to-believe tales, many of which show the seemingly boundless opposition gays face in their quest for first-class citizenship.

What Is Gay? Don't Ask

We start in Lafayette, Louisiana, where 7-year-old Marcus McLaurin was punished for talking about his lesbian mom at school. When another student asked about his family, Marcus said his mother was gay. "Gay is when a girl likes another girl," he explained.

For that remark, he was scolded by his teacher and sent to the principal's office. There he had to fill out a Student Behavior Contract," in which he wrote that he had said "bad wurds." The assistant principal called Marcus' mother, Sharon Huff, to tell her Marcus was in trouble for using "foul words" that the assistant principal "didn't feel comfortable" repeating.

As if that wasn't enough, Marcus also had to attend a one-hour "behavior clinic," and write, over and over, "I will not use the word gay at school again."

Huff turned to the ACLU for help, which petitioned the school to apologize and to expunge the disciplinary forms from Marcus' record. The school refused. Huff is now pondering a lawsuit.

Marcus "doesn't understand why I say gay is not wrong, and his teacher says it is," Huff told the press. "I would like my son to be able to live like every other kid, and be able to talk about his family with his friends if he wants to."

I imagine Joseph Hogue, a gay father in Nashville, Tennessee, feels much the same way. In September 2002, Hogue was sentenced to two days in jail for -- are you ready for this? -- talking to his son about being gay.

As part of his divorce settlement, Hogue was prohibited from "exposing the child to his gay lover(s) and/or his gay lifestyle."

Hogue's ex-wife later complained to the court that Hogue had told the boy, "When someone is gay, they're born like that." For that remark, Hogue was found in contempt of the divorce order and sent to jail. His visitation rights with his son were also curtailed.

Hogue fought back, taking his case to the State Court of Appeals. But in January 2004, the court ruled that, although he should not have been jailed, the order shielding his son from the "gay lifestyle" would be allowed to stand.

While Huff, her son, and Hogue battle for the right to simply discuss their lives, other people want to remove not just the mention of gays from polite society, but gays themselves.

In December, the mayor of a small Brazilian city signed a decree banning gay people, or "any element linked to this class," from moving to the city.

Mayor Elcio Berti said he banned gays to "preserve respect and a family atmosphere." Gays, Berti insisted, "can bring no benefits whatsoever to the town." (Would someone please mail this guy a Queer Eye video, ASAP?)

Since the decree went into effect, gays have protested and Berti has been indicted for violating Brazil's anti-discrimination laws.

Making History, Sort Of