DURST: Warning Signs
Stay up to date with the latest headlines via email.
It's official. All kids are evil, all media responsible and all parents accomplices in the Littleton tragedy. I know because the experts have descended onto the talk shows like a gaggle of sullen vultures ripping at the national wound with their beaks sharpened on the dry stone of academia and told us so. "This is not an isolated incident." "The seeds have been planted by movies and television." "There are a thousand thousand similar stories out there." And all we have to do is maintain a constant vigil and be aware of the top ten warning signs that your teenager may be the next high school terrorist.1. Is their room often messy? 2. Do they listen to strange discordant music whose lyrics seem incomprehensible to you?3. Would they rather drive your car than ride their bike?4. Are they grumpy and uncommunicative?5. Do they question your authority and put up a battle doing simple chores like writing thank you notes to Aunt Sally for the nice crocheted sweater with the bear on it?6. Have they taken to wearing sunglasses? Black sunglasses? 7. Answer these three questions: Piercings? Piercing? Piercings?8. Are they accumulating a wardrobe that looks like it was rejected by the Salvation Army?9. Do they hang out with people who look like refugees from "The Addams Family?" 10. Have you ever heard the word "out" as an entire answer to your question "Where are you going?" or "Where have you been?"Will Durst is sorry he hasn't been around for a week or so. He's been out.