Single POTUS, ISO SWF

By Liz Langley, AlterNet. Posted December 23, 2003.

You know you're preoccupied with your dating life when one of your first thoughts on Saddam's capture is, "Damn, the Republicans have nailed more men since March than I have."

Normally sex and politics don't connect in my brain this way, not even back when Ken Starr was screwing around with Bill Clinton. It's dirty, it's vulgar, it's sinful and foul (politics, that is).

Most politicians are no JFKs when it comes to looks anyway. Besides, nearly all of them have that Sears Portrait Studio photo of them with the wife and kids, showing that they're family guys and not on the market anyway.

Dennis Kucinich, however, one of the only availble men among this year's Democratic candidates, is a bright, interesting guy. He recently went on a date with a woman who won the honor in a contest. The competition was set up by Politicsnh.com after a forum in which Rep. Kucinich made a wish list of the qualities of his dream First Lady ("...dynamic, outspoken ... fearless in her desire for peace in the world and for universal, single-payer health care and a full employment economy";) and then said, "If you are out there, call me."

Call me, the singleton's mating call, ever-campaigning as we are for a shot at Mr/Ms Right, or at least Mr/Ms You'll Do. The woman who won the contest lives with her boyfriend (just the kind of dating disappointment so many of us are familiar with), but it was, for once, a genuinely fun story to read about a political figure, probably because there wasn't much about politics in it. The lucky gal reported that her conversation with Kucinch was "intoxicating."

If we had a single president we'd get to watch that kind of thing all the time, a cross between CNN and "Blind Date" that might bridge that cultural gap and probably get a lot more people interested in current affairs. Of course the prez would have to be at least a little studly (which means it ain't happening this year). Don't you always get A's in the classes where you have a crush on the teacher? Maybe a cute, single president would help raise our political savvy. I'd love to see the guys from "Queer Eye" get their hands on the White House and revamp the prez for a big date. Why so many candidates choose "community college vice principal" as their style template is something worth addressing (perhaps after universal health care).

Of course a single president would be most attractive to his single constituents since, in the democratic world of dating, he'd be just another guy ISO. Many of us could imagine ourselves in one of the following scenarios:

* You find yourself in a chat room with hunkyPOTUS, answering kinky questions about whether you like to be watched. He claims, wink wink, that he's referring to the Secret Service tagging along on dates.

* He uses the old, "I can't be in a serious relationship right now because my career demands so much of my time." You discuss this over lunch with your girlfriends, who say, "His career? Oh please. How much time can it take to run the economy into the ground?" Still, you all enjoy making giggling speculations about his stimulus package and polling techniques and by the second margarita you're cackling over the phrase "presidential erection."

* You start to miss how he used to look at you like he looked at Iowa and New Hampshire. You notice he starts laying his post-sex getaway groundwork early with the tired, "I have to get up early," adding for effect, "to revitalize the space program" -- as if that's going to make you feel any less alone when you wake up.

* Eventually you become one of those girlfriends who checks out his dodgier stories -- only you can do it by watching CNN: "Oh sure, he's going to a summit meeting alright, but look who's getting on Air Force One with him! That 'ho he was eyeballing at the press corps dinner." At this point you start to wonder if you should call the tabloids and spill the beans about him, but instead you just eat a Klondike bar.

Actually, it sounds like it could really suck to date the most powerful man in the world, who isn't his own man so much as he is the property of the people, the press corps and the polls. No self-respecting high-maintenance woman could put up with that. I couldn't. I definitely need more attention than the nation, our allies and our enemies combined. I also like to travel, hate Dr. Phil and I am a Democrat. And if you're out there, call me.

Freelance writer Liz Langley is the only person in the world who has a dating profile on AlterNet.

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