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Stumping with Gropey

Arnold makes his case for a Schwarzenegger-riffic 'Colliephonia.'
 
 
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Hello to you good people of Colliephonia. It is gratificating for me to see so many of you here in the Stockton part of the state who have come to see me in these times when it is so important that we are tossing out an evil governor who has terminated jobs so they move away to other states and is not able to attend to business here because he has been too busy taking these illegal handouts from these unions and these Indian tribes here. Let me tell you something, and listen to what I'm saying here, loud and clear, this is Total Recall and its time for us to say Hasta la Vista, Davis. You are Terminated.

Because when I come to this country, I have nothing, not even enough money to pay for a decent bikini wax. But through strength and discipline I build myself up to what I am today. A millionaire businessman that can afford the best spa treatments this great state can provide. I don't need to take these handouts from these special interests, these unions and these Indian tribes. No, I only accept contributions from these legitimate businesses and corporations who have come to me because they recognize my obvious leadership qualities.

And that's what I can bring to Colliephonia through my strict regimen of strength and discipline. Not like the blind loyalty my Father gave the Third Reich, because let me tell you something, those people telling you that I am a Nazi are telling you a big load of bullcrap. It is more of the disgusting puke politics we have come to expect from Davis and the Davis people. We are mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore. Please forgive me, I know this is not a line from one of my movies, but I can't figure out how to use "Its not a tumor."

Let me tell you this; I despise everything that Hitler stands for and all that kind of stuff, except for his strength and discipline, which is something I try to learn from all tyrannical despots, and that includes Donald Rumsfeld. The LA Times, in their gutter journalism say they have tapes of me prancing around pretending I am the Hitler dancing the goofy Hitler dance using a comb as a mustache. If I did that, which I can not remember whether I did or not, I only mean it as a silly goofy Hitler dance and not anything else with respect.

If I am impressed with dictators, and I can't remember whether I am or not, but if I am, it is for one thing, and one thing only, and that is for the leadership. And that is what I want to bring to Colliephonia. Leadership, because we have none now with this Davis person and the miniature Davis person with his silly mustache which is this Cruz Bustamante person. These are not the droids you're looking for.

As for these ridiculous accusations that when I was on rowdy movie sets, I may have done things that were not right, which I thought were like playful things, you know, grabbing a little innocent ass here or there, I must tell you, I can not remember these things. But if these 6 or 11 or 15 women say I did this, as Maria says, it certainly sounds like me. And if I did do this groping, or anything that might affect whether I get elected to provide leadership to the people of Colliephonia, then I apologize for telling the truth, because let me tell you something, you can't handle the truth. Although why I should apologize for trying to bring leadership to the people, I can not figure this out. So, let me finish here up by quoting the President that was Bill Clinton: "I didn't do anything wrong and I promise not to do it again and stuff like that." Thank you people of Stockton and don't forget to do the voting.

Will Durst will make you a deal. He'll give you Governor Schwarzenegger but only if he can have President Bartlett.