News & Politics

The Red, White and Blue Tax Cut

It's the red white and blue tax cut and the only people lined up against it are un-American Saddam-loving Commie pinko yellow rat bastards.
Speaking in front of the Orlando Chamber of Commerce on the necessity of passing the President's proposed tax cut, Treasury Secretary John Snow said: "We can not afford to fail the American people, especially our troops overseas." That's right, it's no longer a job-creating tax cut necessary to jump start the economy; now, it's the red white and blue tax cut and the only people lined up against it are un-American Saddam-loving Commie pinko yellow rat bastards. You know who opposes this tax cut? The Dixie Chicks and Michael Moore and Robert Blake and the French oppose this tax cut. Nuff said.

Now, I know its politics. And I know posturing is part of the game, and I even know you run with your strengths, and obviously the President's strength right now is waving Old Glory and shooting flares into munitions sheds, but for crum's sake, how freaking devious, not to mention obvious, can you get? A tax cut for the troops? Who's buying this?

Ninety percent of the benefits of this tax cut are going to the top 10 percent of American wage earners. It's like trying to sell an extra boardroom bathroom by citing it as a major benefit to the janitors. Yeah, sure, some guys in uniform might get to trod the marble floors, but only to clean up executive crap.

What other issues are destined to balance on the fulcrum of our patriotism? Stem cell research? Third term abortions? Perhaps an edict declaring the Democratic Party to be an elite mob of saboteurs obstructing the goal of democracy with hidden caches of weapons of mass destruction? Proclaiming the purchase of the New York Times to be illegal?

And you know what, if the teats in this cow run dry, I'm sure other compelling arguments will surface advancing the same kind of legitimate claims showing up in my emails recently: "This tax cut is guaranteed to increase your bust and your penis by at least 4 inches." "This only thing to rival this tax cut is the Pasta Pot Pro." Until finally: "Voting for this tax cut will effect the release of my uncle and the $18 million locked in my Nigerian bank account."

Will Durst doesn't need this tax cut.