10 Reasons Not to Get Married
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4. You are waiting until all people can get married.
Yup, that's right, your personal life is a fucking statement about love in America. (Good job Obama and states that passed same-sex marriage legislation).
5. You don't need or want a symbolic public ceremony to celebrate something you already have.
You already know you and boo are ride or die, why spend the money on a wedding when you can do that Spanish immersion program you have been planning for the entire time you've known each other? You two are an adventurous lot, committed to each other and show it in more genuine ways than the most traditional and played out way ever known to civilization.
6. You've got a life and friends that you are happy with.
If a dude shows up that's cool, but you are not sweating it because every day is an awesome new adventure full of phone calls from loved ones, cupcakes, yoga classes and dance parties. You enjoy each minute, focus on the positive and when you are down (a symptom of life, not just single life) you have 500 friends to call, because you have spent time on all types of relationships, not just the kind that will lead to marriage. Friendship-the realest investment a lady can make.
7. Monogamy just doesn't work for you.
You tried it and it didn't work. It's better to know now then put unrealistic expectations on yourself and your partner only to have a crappy break-up where it is revealed you are an infidel. We don't have "respectable" models of these characters (because often cheaters are assholes), so we assume they are all sex crazed home wreckers, but some are genuinely just born this way.
8. You are sexually liberated.
See also: sexually adventurous, referred to as "slut" by people from the olden days, religious leaders, people that think vaginas are gross and Tracy McMillan. Right now, you just wanna get down, and that's not a lie, that's libido #realtalk.
9. You have "issues."
And you fully realize this and want to deal with them before you get into a serious relationship. Instead of being irresponsible and shoveling them under a rug to save face and look like Mrs. Right, you are dealing with your shit and getting ready to be in a serious long-term relationship. That does not happen overnight and you shouldn't rush yourself because of some invented standard age by which you should be married.
10. You legitimately just don't want to get married.
No, you are not lying to yourself; you actually just don't want to get married. You've been to lots of weddings, you appreciated some of the sentiments, you were happy for everyone, but you didn't walk out wishing it were you that got married. In fact, the idea of a wedding dress makes you break out into hives and you don't want a blood diamond, you think forever is bullshit and you have no interest in feeding into the romantic industrial complex. You have a hard time reconciling your politics with what you see as a deeply problematic institution. (Or, you're just an atheist.)