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30 Signs You're a Slut

Tens of millions of American women are sluts, according to right-wing patriarchs. Take this easy quiz to find out if you qualify.

In middle school, my daughter Brynn went through a phase when she screened new friends by lending them a book,  He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut, by sharp-witted, sharp-tongued blogger Jessica Valenti. Brynn had read it three times. She figured anyone who didn’t like the edgy tone or kick-ass girl-power theme probably wasn’t her type. 

Mind you, at the time, Brynn wasn’t really interested in kicking male butt (except in math class) or being a stud or a slut (except for one aberrant Femme Nikita Halloween costume that had my husband choking on his coffee). She mostly preferred making cookie dough with a neighbor after school and dragging her pet chickens into the house to feed them the crumbs from their baking.  

Back then, most girls weren’t interested in being sluts. But that was before sluthood changed -- that is, before Rush Limbaugh redefined "slut" to mean "any woman who thinks contraception is her birthright." Before  Boobquake and Slutwalk. Before it was deemed  more obscene for Gary Trudeau to cartoon about politically motivated vaginal probes than for the Texas legislature to mandate them. Before ex-Muslim Miriam Namazie published the  Nude Photo Revolutionary Calendar, which defies both religious and pin-up sensibilities by showing women’s real bodies with no airbrush:  Full frontal feminism at its most defiant.

These days, it’s getting rather hard to hold your head high as a female if you aren’t willing to be seen as part of the slut sisterhood. 

So, are you in? Ten points says yes:  

  • I have condoms in my purse – or bra (1)

  • I’m still mad at the Komen foundation for playing politics with women’s health (1)

  • I take the Pill to keep from getting pregnant (1)

  • I take the Pill to manage heavy bleeding or cramps (1)

  • I like sex (1)

  • I have had sex when I didn’t want to get pregnant (1)

  • I dress how I want (1)

  • I think that no means no -- no matter how I’m dressed (3)

  • I will decide how many children I have (1)

  • I have a long-acting reversible contraceptive (an IUD or implant), which means I’m protected against pregnancy  all the time (3)

  • I am unmarried, and I’m not a virgin (1)

  • I wasn’t a virgin on my wedding night (1)

  • I think Jake Gyllenhaal is hot (3)

  • I think any insurance that covers Viagra should cover birth control pills (1)

  • I stand with Planned Parenthood (2)

  • I DIS-respect religious leaders who protect pedophiles yet call contraception “evil” (2)

  • To me, contraception is a part of basic healthcare (1)

  • I believe that women aren’t in control of their lives if they aren’t in control of their fertility (1)

  • My cat is a person; a fertilized egg isn’t (3)

  • You can count me among the 1 in 3 women who have had an abortion (1)

  • I told my abortion story at the  1 in 3 Campaign (3)

  • I believe sex can be rich and intimate without marriage (1)

  • I believe marriage can be rich and intimate without children (1)

  • I find people of my own gender sexy (1)

  • Submission is not my thing (2)

  • I want a career (2)

  • I have dreams of traveling (2)

  • I think smart, ethical women belong in positions of power (2)

  • I trust myself to make decisions based on my own moral and spiritual values (3)

  • When I testify before Congress about contraception, I wear a gray suit instead of a black collar (10)

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