Voting As if Your Life(Savers) Depended On It

By Mad Dog, AlterNet. Posted March 10, 2003.

The good thing about living in a democracy is we can make our voices heard. The problem is getting anyone to pay attention. Take President Bush, for example. He thinks listening to protesters is like "[deciding] policy based upon a focus group." Of course it was during his election that votes were so highly thought of in Florida they were tossed out. So it's nice to know that there are still people who are not only genuinely interested in what we think and making sure our votes count, but who actively solicit them. So what if they're TV program creators and candy companies?

Television has become a democratic medium. It used to be we watched, we munched, we flipped the channels, we fell asleep. Now we're a part of it. We called in and helped decide who should stay in a house while Big Brother -- I mean, we -- played Peeping Tom 24 hours a day. Then we let our fingers do the voting and selected an American Idol. Not only did 15 million people cast ballots for the finalists, 286,000 of them shelled out their hard earned bucks to buy the winner's single during its first week of release, proving that mailing fundraising letters, speaking while people pretend to enjoy lame chicken dinners, and promising to toss lucrative government contracts at them are very passé ways to get people to fork over money.

Right now we can have twice the fun by voting two times in one week. We can call in and try to get our least favorite washed-up celebrity thrown out of the Australian rain forest on "I'm a Celebrity -- Get Me Out of Here!," even though it's tempting to change our vote so they'll stay and hopefully wind up as Purina Croc Chow. A couple of days later we can watch "Married By America" and play matchmaker for five people who are desperate for a spouse, desperate for publicity and, well, just plain desperate. Best of all, we can do it without having to register to vote. Or even be a citizen for that matter. This is especially good since a new reality TV show, "American Candidate," is in the works, and it would suck to not have your vote count just because you're a 16-year-old illegal alien who recently got out of prison on a felony charge.

The show is scheduled to hit the airwaves in January and you too can apply for the position of Commander in Chief. The first step to fame, fortune, and a license to bully the world will be to sign up at the program's website. Get your finger off the mouse, you won't be able to do this until May. The producers expect 10,000 people to sign up to run, which will be 12 more than the Democrats will have at that point. A "blue-ribbon leadership panel" -- think people who have won 4-H cattle contests -- will use a Magic 8 Ball, tarot cards, and a two-headed quarter to whittle the field down to 18 candidates, who over 13 prime-time episodes will try to woo viewers into choosing them to be the "people's candidate." Kind of like Ross Perot with less money, the same ego, and probably more votes.

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