"Horrible Bosses": Great Title, Terrible Movie Premise

 A year ago, I wrote about New Line's "workplace murder comedy" Horrible Bosses, which was billed as the story of "three best friends who, frustrated by their jobs, come to the conclusion the only solution is to kill one another's bosses." Obviously a hilarious premise, because workplace violence (particularly committed by entitled, aggrieved, disgruntled white men) is such an extraordinary absurdity that it's totes appropriate for a punchline.

Well, the garbage film has finally been made and is scheduled for release this summer.

 

 

Kevin Spacey is a horrible boss at CubicleCorp who forces his employee Jason Bateman to drink 18-year-old Scotch at 8:15am, because "if you want a promotion, you gotta earn it." Jason Bateman complains about his horrible boss to his friends Jason Sudeikis and Charlie Day while they're out drinking. Charlie Day is a dental hygienist working for Jennifer Aniston, DDS, who sexually harasses him at work. Despite the fact that he is evidently distraught by it, his good pal Jason Sudeikis says, "You know, yours doesn't sound all that bad," because women sexually harassing men is totes hilarious. (No, it's not.) Heads up, Disgruntled Emailers!

Jason Sudeikis works for Colin Farrell (oh dear), whose horribleness is meant to be evident in his combover, at the Usedcaraporium, and he is told to "trim the fat" by firing all the fat employees, staring with a woman Colin Farrell refers to as "Large Marge." Jason Sudeikis is scandalized! Well, his character is. Jason Sudeikis the Actor actually requires plethoric fat jokes in any script he accepts. True fact.

Jason Sudeikis says to his BFFs, "You would have to admit our lives would be easier if our bosses weren't alive." So true! Except for how they'd probably just have to get shitty jobs at other garbage companies with other crappy bosses—which is, come to think of it, maybe a better solution to their conundrum than MURDER.

More evidence their bosses are horrible: Kevin Spacey passes Jason Bateman over for a promotion; Colin Farrell is ableist; Jennifer Aniston, DDS, has committed sexual assault against her employee while he was unconscious. The discovery of this impropriety prompts Charlie Day to quit, file a police report, hire an attorney, and start job-hunting. HA HA JUST KIDDING! He yells, "I'm in! Let's kill this bitch!"

The Three Murderteers discuss how best to murder their bosses. They hire Jamie Foxx as their "murder consultant." According to IMDb, his character's name is Motherfucker Jones. Sure. He tells them, "You want to pull off a brilliant murder, then it's gotta look like it's an accident." Solid advice. Classic inside-murderball stuff. This murder consultant is worth every penny already!

Montage of the Three Murderteers being inept at trying to do murders. If you think that Jason Sudeikis is attracted to Jennifer Aniston, DDS, sexual harassment vixen, you're WRONG! Just kidding. You're right. You're totally right.

Other stuff. Bachman Turner Overdrive's "Taking Care of Business." Obviously. Car chase. A car spin-out while everyone inside screams. Don't let anyone tell you that doesn't get funnier the forty-seventh time you've seen it. Cops. Jason Bateman is asked to explain why he was doing 61 in a 25mph zone. "I was drag racing," he says. "In a Prius?" asks Officer Ron "Tater Salad" White. "I don't win a lot," says Jason Bateman.

BAM! Comedy gold.