"Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am!": Why You Should Have More Quickies
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“That’s when creativity, openness and a sense of humor come in handy. Quickies, whether spontaneous or planned with mischief … are what’s needed to bring back the glow of the early days,” says Block, whose book makes for inspirational couples’ reading come bedtime. Those less enthused by prose — or too lazy to find their glasses — might find its alluring photography motivational.
Thank you, Ma’am (or Sir). May I have another?
It doesn’t take much to convince men of the merits of quickies, says Block. “It’s the ultimate guy thing.” But in his experience, women often report feeling left behind. Come on, Ladies, I beseech you: Do we really need to keep score all the time?
“A random lunch-hour lay in the parking garage is what jump-started our sex life,” says 43-year-old Jennifer, whose husband of 11 years works for the same company, in the same building — but on a different floor. “We don’t usually plan them, but if one of us is in the mood we might send a quick text, ‘Meet me in the car in ten minutes.’”
Having one of those vibrate into your pocket while the boss is droning on in the door of your cubicle, she says, is excruciating, “but ultimately makes it hotter.”
“We don’t worry about who comes when,” she says, adding that she’s thankful for the advent of window-tinting. “Who cares? It’s all fun.”
I agree; we can call it “good sex karma.” Let’s face it, simultaneous orgasm is stupefying precisely because for most couples it’s a fantastically rare occurrence. Don’t downplay the spirit of giving. It’s wonderful to bask in your partner’s afterglow. Give yourself a pat on the back for generosity and mad, mad skills — enjoy the knowledge that later, it’ll be your turn.
That said, Dr. Block points out that while women might have something of an anatomical hurdle to overcome where intercourse is concerned, “this doesn’t mean they’re incapable of reaching climax quickly.” In fact, he points out, citing a report by the famed Alfred Kinsey, “on average, both men and women can masturbate themselves to orgasm in about three minutes.”
Ergo, if the situation doesn’t allow for direct clitoral stimulation, women should feel free to take matters into their own hands. “I’ve found a little theatrics can even move things along,” says Hannah, 29, whose quickies with her longtime beau often begin with a mutually masturbatory peep show. “The faster I can get him off, the more time he can spend getting me off. For us, quickies don’t necessarily mean actual penetration, but sometimes we’ll cover three or four different sex acts, intercourse included, in less than 10 minutes, and both of us come. Not at the same time, but every time.”
Despite what preconceived notions you might have about the lives of sex writers, we don’t, generally speaking, get paid to don gilded togas and attend bacchanalias that culminate in an exhausted, oily heap of leather-beaten flesh. Or maybe my mailman’s been stealing my invitations. If so, I’m tipping him double this December.
“You see your partner. You want your partner. You fuck your partner. Beginning. Middle. And end,” says Tyler. “There’s no character development, no arch. Do you have a character arch every day? I don’t. But I do have a lot of hot sex.”
I’m not Sting. Tantric marathons are a luxury of time and rock stardom. But I can find ten minutes in my schedule, on any day of the week, for a wild ride on the edge of the bathroom sink or a hands-and-knees interlude in the walk-in closet. Even if my head does end up wedged in the laundry hamper.