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GOP Hitman Andrew Breitbart's Confessional Memoir: I Wouldn't Be a Foul, Raging Jerk If I Had Made It in Hollywood

Andrew Breitbart serves up thin gruel in his clownish memoir-manifesto, "Righteous Indignation."

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The only success Breitbart had in the film world was in wooing the daughter of a famous movie star. This led him to rejoice that “Not only was I working in Hollywood, I was dating the daughter of Orson Bean.” It was Orson who introduced Breitbart to the Rush Limbaugh radio program and set him on his current course. Other than that, his Movieville escapades were a bust. 
Having found an outlet for his rage by listening to AM talk radio, Breitbart quickly turned on his former idols, developing an all-consuming bitterness. In seeking excuses for his stagnating career, he endeavored mightily to absolve himself by concluding that, “Leftists without credentials in Hollywood made it because they were leftists.” The entirety of his justification for having failed was that his (still inchoate) politics were unpopular, not him. As he describes it, the bitter conservative paranoia he felt during this time is redolent of John Carpenter’s sci-fi classic They Live . “The [Media-Democrat] Complex surrounded me 24/7 in the form of attractive people making millions of dollars whose moral relativism, historical revisionism, and collective cultural nihilism put them in the same boat as the martyrs of radical Islam.” 
For Breitbart, these “attractive people” who make our films are really no different from those who would detonate a nuclear bomb in Santa Monica. The troubled Breitbart has turned political disagreements into deranged holy war. And he does mean war. His hatred for the left is matched only by his love of violent martial metaphors. Every other page of Righteous Indignation invites the reader to envision the author as a new media fighting general—a Patton or MacArthur ordering cyber-sieges on the turreted citadels of “attractive” liberal power. He speaks of being “morally obligated” by his “patriotic duty” to “take up those weapons at my disposal” because he is “well-trained and well-positioned for this battle.” It is amusingly easy to imagine the author playing on the carpet with Entertainment Tonight action-figures and making his own sound effects. Here he is attempting to put his work into some sort of world-historical context:  

Make no mistake: America is in a media war. It is an extension of the Cold War that never ended but shifted to an electronic front. The war between freedom and statism ended geographically when the Berlin Wall fell. But the existential battle never ceased. When the Soviet Union disintegrated, the battle simply took a different form.   

Yes, Andrew, the Cold War simply took a different form. From tens of thousands of thermonuclear hair-triggers and divisions of heavy armor, to Real Time with Bill Maher and Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld. From half of Europe living under totalitarian rule, to Alec and Stephen Baldwin.  

Breitbart is despondent that so few of his fellow conservatives share his monomania, or grasp why new media is the key to destroying the left—“the ruthless, relentless, shameless enemy we face.” The only reason liberals continue to win the culture war, he says, is because they intuitively grasp that media and entertainment are the ultimate high ground. He bemoans that the people who most “get it” include Oprah, Bono and Obama. Writes Breitbart: “Corey Feldman gets it.” 

If an out-of-nowhere Corey Feldman reference seems odd, it shouldn’t. Breitbart’s worldview as articulated in Righteous Indignation is the adolescent media determinism of a not-too-bright, spurned L.A. striver who never left Brentwood. The book reads like something a younger Corey Feldman might have spilled onto the page after snorting a methamphetamine caterpillar off an old copy of The Gutenberg Galaxy . “The left is the media,” writes a spastic Breitbart. “Narrative is everything.” 

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