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10 Best Christmas Songs for Atheists

What do you do if you're an atheist who likes Christmas carols?

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6: We Wish You a Merry Christmas. I was going to include at least one wassailing song in this list. Wassailing songs are among the finest secular Christmas traditions, and the general concept is familiar to a lot of people, even if the specific examples of it aren't. But alas, every single one of them either (a) is entirely obscure outside folk-nerd circles, or (b) mentions God at least once. Even if it's just in an "And God bless you and send you a happy New Year" context. I couldn't find even one completely secular wassailing song that'd be familiar to anyone who doesn't go to Renaissance Faires. So I'm letting "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" stand in for the "going from door to door singing and begging for food" wassailing genre. It's reasonably pretty, it's fun to sing, a lot of people who don't go to Renaissance Faires know it. And it celebrates two great Christmas traditions: pestering the neighbors, and eating yourself sick.

5: Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Another in the "Christmas songs that are really about the entirely secular joys of snow and winter" oeuvre. I like this one because it's not about mucking around in the actual snow, so much as it is about staying the hell out of it. Canoodling in front of the fire where it's warm and dry -- there's a Christmas song for me! Plus it's about being in love at Christmas, which is a lovely theme... and one that, like the urban Christmas, is sadly under-represented. And it's another classic Christmas song written by Jewish songwriters, which always tickles me. Thumbs up.

4: Santa Baby. Yeah, yeah. Everyone loves to gripe about the commercialization of Christmas. I griped about it myself, just a few paragraphs ago. But it's hard not to love a song that revels in it so blatantly, and with such sensual, erotic joy. Cars, yachts, fur coats, platinum mines, real estates, jewelry, and cold hard cash, with the not- so- subtle implication of sexual favors being offered in return -- the reason for the season! Plus it has the class to get the name of the jewelry company right. (It's Tiffany, people, not Tiffany's!) And the only magical being it recognizes is an increasingly secular gift-giving saint with an apparent weakness for sultry, husky- voiced cabaret singers. (And who can blame him? Faced with Eartha Kitt batting her metaphorical eyes at me, I'd be pulling out my checkbook, too.)

3: Carol of the Bells. A trifle hard to sing in parts. But it's awfully darned pretty. No, strike that. It is stunning. It is lavishly, thrillingly beautiful. It has that quality of being both eerie and festive that's so central to so much great Christmas music... and it has it in trumps. It is freaking old -- the original Ukrainian folk tune it's based on may even be prehistoric -- and it sounds it. In the best possible way. It is richly evocative of ancient mysteries, conveying both the joy and the peace that so many Christmas carols are gassing on about. And it does it without a single mention of God or Jesus or any other mythological beings. Just a "Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas." I'm down with that.

2: Winter Wonderland. Yes, I know. Another modern one. Hey, what do you expect? Christmas got a whole lot more secular in the last century. But I unabashedly love this song, and I don't care who knows it. It has a lovely lilting saunter to it, a melody and rhythm that makes you physically feel like you're taking a brisk, slightly slippery winter walk with the snow crunching under your boots. It gets bonus points for being a ubiquitous, entirely non-controversial Christmas classic that doesn't mention the word "Christmas" even once. And it's another Christmas love song, which always makes me happy. I get all goopy and sentimental whenever I hear the lines, "To face unafraid/The plans that we've made." Sniff.

 
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