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Fabulous Beekman Boys: What Happens When Two Gay Men From NYC Try Their Hand at Farming

Author James Frey reviews the first episode of this reality TV show and questions whether he'd be willing to give up life in the big city for a goat farm.

The reality series The Fabulous Beekman Boys , starring Josh and Brent, airs Wednesdays at 9pm EST on Planet Green. Learn where to tune in your area here.

Woohoo, woohoo, let's all go to the farm, woohoo! Welcome to my first weekly recap of The Fabulous Beekman Boys, where I summarize Josh and Brent's farmlife adventures and decide whether what I've seen makes it more or less likely that I leave New York for a simpler life. I'll be ranking events in the episode using a scale of five goats, with one goat being the worst, and meaning there's no way I'm following their example and leaving the city, and five goats meaning I'm calling a real estate agent to start looking for a house. I add up all the goats and whatever the average indicates where I am in my own decision making process at the end of every episode.

Snappy opening sequence. Nice theme music. Clearly Planet Green has taken great cares about and has spent some money on the show. If I were ever to have a reality show, I'd hope to have the same. Because I don't want to be on one, the ranking is mitigated. Three goats.

We immediately get a brief history of our heroes, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, an advertising creative director and former drag queen, and Brent Ridge, a physician and former VP at Martha Stewart Omnimedia. They bought a farm, which is called Beekman Farm, and has a huge gorgeous Mansion on its grounds, in a small town in Upstate New York. Both were tired of city life, and wanted a place to escape. While there, they decide to try to make a living off the farm, in part because they need the money to keep the place, and in part because they've been inspired by Martha, who built an empire around her lifestyle. The farm is gorgeous, and empires are cool: five goats.

We meet Farmer John, a gay farmer who seems very sweet. He has a hundred goats, which are very cute, and seems to do much of the actual work on the farm. He also cries quite a bit, especially when talking about the goats. Farmer John, the goats and him doing all the work: five goats. Farmer John crying: one goat.

Josh and Brent acquire two piglets, who they say they plan on eating later in the season, though I can't imagine any of them killing and butchering them. While trying to lead the piglets into their new pen, which looks like some kind of concrete WWII bunker, the piglets escape, and Josh and Brent look like exactly you would think two gay men from NYC would look like chasing piglets around a farm they have no idea how to run. They look ridiculous, and it's pretty funny. Eventually they catch the piglets and put them in a bunker, where they roll around in some mud and make some snorting noises. Piglets and the bacon when they're older: five goats. Chasing piglets around a farm: one goat.

Brent does an overall review of the farm. He wants the tractors parked in a specific way. Josh and Farmer John are required to park them exactly four feet apart, and raise their loaders to exactly the same level. Brent seems pretty anal, sort of exactly like a doctor who worked for Martha Stewart. Josh and Farmer John both snicker at him. I like tractors, and the idea of driving one around: four goats. Brent making me park to his specifications: one goat.

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