What U.S. History Would Look Like If It Were Written By Texas and Arizona

History is one part truth. History is also one part fable. It is a site of political contestation and struggle. As the state of Arizona (with its rules banning "Ethnic Studies") and the state of Texas (reimaging its U.S. history curriculum to conform with the Tea Party and Christian Nationalist perspective) have both embraced a more "conservative" view of history, it only seems fair and reasonable to take their efforts at face value. Theirs is not an assault on academic freedom. No, it is an effort to diversify and make more inclusive and "American" the curriculum taught to our children. Many, on both sides of the political divide, have treated these new guidelines with much derision and complaint. I suggest that the best way to understand the teaching of history as imagined by this brave new world is to work through the reality it offers. To that end, I present U.S. history as outlined in the politically correct guidelines offered by Arizona and Texas. Sometimes the old is indeed the new...welcome my friends to Tea Party USA.

The Essential Dates and Events of U.S. History as Approved by the States of Arizona and Texas

1607-- Jamestown founded. Capitalism, which can trace its roots to the Bible, is now firmly rooted in the New World.

1660-1800--Triangular Atlantic trade continues to bring wealth and prosperity to America while giving opportunities to new immigrants.

1776--War for Independence against the tyrannical, evil British empire. Colonists suffer oppression that is unprecedented in human history. Minutemen singlehandedly defeat the evil British Empire in 1783.

1788--The United States Constitution is signed as a document to stand for all time, inspired by God, and never to be changed.

1803-1848--America continues to expand westward into empty territories. American settlers make the land bloom with the help of friendly Indian tribes.

1823--America guarantees the freedom of all countries and people in the Western Hemisphere with the adoption of the Monroe Doctrine.

1848--Mexico, in an act of friendship following their humiliation at the Alamo by the great Republic of Texas, gives their territories to the United States.

1860s-1900s--The Gilded Age of prosperity. American capitalism provides opportunities for all people to grow wealthy, secure, and happy. Liberals and Progressives begin working against American freedom and capitalism by forming unions, demanding unfair compensation from their employers, limiting the rights of children to work in factories, and imposing restrictive regulations for the "safety" of employees. Many brave men die fighting Communist influenced unions as they riot in America's cities.

1861-1865--Civil War fought because of an overreaching, tyrannical federal government and its desire to limit the freedoms of all Americans. 620,000 people die including many brave and noble black Americans who fought on the side of the Confederacy. Northerners and Southerners eventually find common ground through Redemption and move forward as brothers and sisters in the USA.

1865-1870s--Democratic terrorists called the Ku Klux Klan begin a reign of terror in the South until brave Republicans defeat them.

1906--Using the Antiquities Act, Theodore Roosevelt establishes the National Park System. In one bold stroke Roosevelt establishes Socialist policies that steal land from the American people.

1913--More Socialism and class warfare ushered into the U.S. with the federal income tax system.

1917--America enters and wins World War 1 singlehandedly because the French are cowards.

1929--Great Depression begins. Tens of millions unemployed because of FDR's failed economic policies. His New Deal introduces the nanny state, prolongs America's economic collapse, and weakens the economy until Ronald Reagan renews America.