An Amazing Recipe to Knock Your Valentine's Socks Off

Valentine's Day is approaching faster than Cupid's arrow shot from a compound bow, and you may be sweating under the pressure of preparing a sweet something for your sweetheart. You want your creation to be as full of significance as flavor, as surprising as it is sweet and sexy. For the ultimate culinary embodiment of your feelings for your Valentine, you could do a lot worse than bake a chocolate mayonnaise beet cake.

No discussion of love could be complete without a discussion of mayonnaise. If there is any truth to the notion that opposites attract, then mayonnaise is metaphorical proof, representing the union and long-term relationship of opposites. Shakespeare is surely kicking himself in the grave for not thinking of it himself.

In mayo we have oil: refined and pure, an aristocrat among foods. And we have egg: the shit-smeared menstrual product of a chicken, that most clueless of fowl. When egg and oil meet, they quickly separate, as if intuitively aware that they don't belong together. Not every true love begins as love at first sight.

Little do they know that something exists in the heart of the egg, a yellow-brownish fatty substance that belongs to the broad category of plant and animal extracts known as lecithin. Specifically, the lecithin buried deep in the egg's yolk goes by the oh-so-sexy name of phosphatidylcholine, and it has the ability to bond egg and oil in blissful mayomony.

Lecithins such as phosphatidylcholine can act as emulsifiers, which stabilize mixtures of substances that would otherwise separate. Thus, with the assistance of phosphatidylcholine, the mixture of oil and egg stays together in a stable, enduring, and creamy relationship. Cynics will surely liken the emulsifier to a pair of handcuffs binding two disinterested substances against their will, but true romantics will recognize this bonding force as love.

It's not for such metaphorical reasons alone that mayo deserves its place in the mixing bowl when we prepare a special Valentine's Day chocolate beet cake. Those who balk, incredulous, at the addition of love crème obviously haven't read the recipes for too many chocolate cakes, because they all contain oil and eggs.

While glancing at an ingredient list can help overcome an aversion to mayo in cake, convincing the baker to include the earthy, bloody beet takes more of a leap of faith. This lover's leap will pay off.

As with love crème there is a strong metaphorical basis for adding beet to your chocolate Valentine's Day cake. Beet is the color of what courses through our hearts and veins, the color of lipstick, sports cars, and cherries. Like love, the beet stains our insides. Like love, the beet is bitter and sweet.

And as is the case with love crème there is also a solid culinary basis for including the beet in our cake. Sugar is derived from beets because beets are full of sugar. And sugar never hurt a cake. Meanwhile, the texture of shredded beets gives the cake body, much like the lift carrots bring to a carrot cake. While the beet's color can be off-putting in some contexts, in this cake hides behind the darker color of chocolate, and the beet's bitter side blends with the bitter chocolate, adding subtle complexity.

Start by grating 2 cups of red beets. Simmer the bloody shards in four cups of water for 20 minutes. Strain the beets and save the red water, pouring it into a saucepan to simmer at low heat until less than a quarter cup remains-just don't let it dry out and burn the pan. Set aside the reduced beet water.

Combine the following ingredients in a mixing bowl: 2 cups flour (I use all-purpose unbleached); 1 teaspoon baking soda; 1 teaspoon baking powder; 1/2 teaspoon salt; 1/2 cup cocoa powder; 1 cup sugar; 1/2 cup chocolate chips.