6 Tricks to Sex After a Divorce
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Says Helfand, “You may actually feel more confident, assertive, and sexually aware than you did before getting married. Hopefully you were able to experiment in your marriage and learn more about yourself, your body reactions, your fantasies, etc.” But if not, now’s your chance to explore. “Begin to understand what sensations are exciting, what images or thoughts are stimulating, or what words are a turn-on,” says Helfand.
While you may not look as “young and tight as you did 10 years ago,” says marriage, family, and sex therapist Israel Helfand, you can “make up for it in confidence, wisdom and technique.” And this confidence, as well as a new partner, could make your sexual experiences more enjoyable than you ever thought possible.
What to Expect from Him
If you’re dating a divorced man, keep in mind that he’s most likely going through a similar, ahem, re-entry process. “Women need to realize that a divorced man may be shy to initiate sex,” Cathie Helfand says. “He may have some performance anxiety after years of little to no physical and sexual intimacy.”
Additionally, if a man has only slept with one woman for a number of years, he’s probably not used to condoms, which could cause a few, er, technical difficulties. Patience and understanding is key.
Whether you’re looking for a new relationship or are simply looking to get laid, the best thing you can do for yourself post-divorce is to move at your own pace. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself or your partner. “Go slowly,” says Gadoua, “and honor yourself. This means stopping if you start to feel uncomfortable.”
Lin stresses that it’s also important “not to isolate yourself from new sexual opportunities. Go out, socialize and meet new partners,” he says. “View the post-divorce period as a time of liberation and opportunities. An optimistic and open attitude will get you far.” Especially, of course, in the bedroom.