No, Not All Bi Women Love Threesomes: Silly Myths About Women and Bisexuality

Being bisexual means that you are attracted to members of both sexes, even if youâ€™re not sleeping with them. Here are some things bisexuality doesnâ€™t mean.

September 30, 2009 |

So you’re watching a blazing hot sex scene between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie -- and you can’t decide which one turns you on more. You have a boyfriend, but you just can’t stop fantasizing about your female roomie’s bangin’ curves. Are you bisexual? If you’ve ever wondered, read on.

It’s hard to get a handle on just how many women are bisexual. A study of American women 45 and under found that 2.8% thought of themselves as bisexual, although 11% of women had had a sexual experience with a member of the same sex during their lifetime. And it gets more complicated -- two-thirds of women who had had a sexual experience with another woman considered themselves to be heterosexual.

So what makes a woman bisexual? How can you tell whether you’re bisexual? And if you are, what does that mean?

Being bisexual means that you are attracted to members of both sexes, even if you’re not sleeping with them. (Many people find this term limiting, because it doesn’t include people who are transgendered, intersexual, or otherwise don’t fit easily into one of two sexes -- some people prefer to call themselves “queer” or one of many other terms, but “bisexual” is still the most commonly used term. )

Here are some things bisexuality doesn’t mean:

1. You’re just confused.

Lots of people assume that bisexuals are “just experimenting” or just don’t know what they want -- and that they’ll figure it out eventually. In fact, bisexuals are clear about what they want -- women and men! Some bisexuals settle with one person in a monogamous relationship; others prefer to have different relationships throughout their lives. Because bisexuality is not always treated as a “real” choice, it can be confusing for many people, and it may take a while to discover your sexuality. There is no one way to be bisexual -- but you can try lots of different ways while still being secure in your bisexuality. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself about what you want, so that you can then be honest with your partners (and any potential partners) about who you are.

2. You’re a lesbian who’s afraid to come out, or you’re “not really gay”.

Many people in the lesbian community are unfriendly toward or frustrated with bisexuals. They feel that bisexuals are unable to “let go” of heterosexuality, or that they use their bisexuality to avoid the homophobia and difficulty of coming out as lesbians. They also worry that bisexual partners will be unwilling to commit to a relationship with someone of the same sex. As a result, bisexuals are often treated as unwelcome or “not really gay.” In truth, bisexuals also face homophobia, and are often fierce fighters for gay rights. And again -- being honest and open with everyone you meet will go a long way toward giving you (and other bisexual women) credibility.

3. You want a threesome.

Because “bisexuals” are so common in porn, lots of men hear a woman say “I’m bisexual” and assume that anything she does with a woman is really about performing for men -- or that she’s automatically interested in a threesome. (With him, naturally.) They also may assume that a bisexual woman is “slutty” or willing to sleep with anyone. The truth is that our sexuality as bisexuals is about ourselves and the people we sleep with -- it’s not for someone else’s benefit (unless we decide that we want it to be). Do some bisexuals enjoy threesomes? You bet -- but we’ll let you know if we’re interested.