No, Not All Bi Women Love Threesomes: Silly Myths About Women and Bisexuality

Lots of people assume that bisexuals are “just experimenting” or just don’t know what they want -- and that they’ll figure it out eventually. In fact, bisexuals are clear about what they want -- women and men! Some bisexuals settle with one person in a monogamous relationship; others prefer to have different relationships throughout their lives. Because bisexuality is not always treated as a “real” choice, it can be confusing for many people, and it may take a while to discover your sexuality. There is no one way to be bisexual -- but you can try lots of different ways while still being secure in your bisexuality. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself about what you want, so that you can then be honest with your partners (and any potential partners) about who you are.

Many people in the lesbian community are unfriendly toward or frustrated with bisexuals. They feel that bisexuals are unable to “let go” of heterosexuality, or that they use their bisexuality to avoid the homophobia and difficulty of coming out as lesbians. They also worry that bisexual partners will be unwilling to commit to a relationship with someone of the same sex. As a result, bisexuals are often treated as unwelcome or “not really gay.” In truth, bisexuals also face homophobia, and are often fierce fighters for gay rights. And again -- being honest and open with everyone you meet will go a long way toward giving you (and other bisexual women) credibility.

Because “bisexuals” are so common in porn, lots of men hear a woman say “I’m bisexual” and assume that anything she does with a woman is really about performing for men -- or that she’s automatically interested in a threesome. (With him, naturally.) They also may assume that a bisexual woman is “slutty” or willing to sleep with anyone. The truth is that our sexuality as bisexuals is about ourselves and the people we sleep with -- it’s not for someone else’s benefit (unless we decide that we want it to be). Do some bisexuals enjoy threesomes? You bet -- but we’ll let you know if we’re interested.

If you’re interested in having sex with both men and women, chances are you’re bisexual. It’s normal if your attraction isn’t always perfectly balanced -- many bisexuals swing more toward one gender or the other over the course of a lifetime, a year or an evening. The sex researcher Alfred Kinsey invented the Kinsey Scale in 1948 as a way of understanding sexuality as a continuum, with strict heterosexuality on one side, strict homosexuality on the other side, and plenty of room in the middle for everyone and everything in between.