'I Was a Birthday Present for an 82-Year-Old Grandmother'
Continued from previous page
At a certain point I can tell she’s got something on her mind that she can’t quite talk about. Her monologue stops and she hems and haws and tuts a little. I don’t know what the hell to do. I’m scared to death of what she wants. But I want to give her what she wants. I really want to please her. She’s been so nice to me. And I want to succeed at this job. Be an American. Be a man. I’m scared to death of what she’s going to ask me to do. Does she want to ride me? Will I be able to achieve liftoff with her lying naked on top of me? I believe I can. I know I can’t. Does she want to do something weird to me? Something bizarre that old people do that I don’t know about?
Finally she gets up her nerve and she says: “I’ve had this fantasy for a long time. I’ve never talked to anyone about this before, but I figure, what the heck, if not now, when? If not here, where?”
The suspense is killing me. I just know I’m not going to be able to perform.
“I’ve always wanted someone to kiss me...” she motions with her head down towards her nether regions, “down there.”
Is that it? Thank you, Lord, for delivering me from the wilderness. That’s all she wants? I can do that with my eyes closed. In fact many times I have. And then I think, can you imagine wanting to have someone go down on you for sixty years? Having a husband and not being able to ask him to do that? I went down on Kristy the first time we had sex. I’ve performed cunnilingus with every girlfriend I’ve ever had. It seems like one of the most basic sexual things you can do. My mind is officially boggled.
But I feel such relief. The world, which was weighing so heavily on my shoulders, has been lifted. I assure Dot that I would be more than happy to make her dream come true.
She gets under the covers. She doesn’t take her clothes off. This is getting better and better.
Here are the best jobs in order.
1. All they want to do is talk.
2. All they want to do is talk while I’m naked.
3. All they want to do is talk while I’m naked and playing with myself. And when I say playing with myself of course I mean masturbating.
So this is the fourth best job there is, as far as I’m concerned. Which is very high up on the list. Extremely low maintenance. Actually, anything that doesn't involve erection is good.
Dot wiggles and wriggles under the covers. I guess she's taking her old lady underpants off. She doesn’t tell me to take my clothes off, so I don’t. I crawl under the covers. I suspect there will be wrinkly grandmother flesh. But what do I care? Cunnilingus is cunnilingus. Luckily I was trained in this art by the first girlfriend I ever had. She was much older than I was and rigorously demanding, although in a very sweet way.
So it takes a while for me to burrow myself in, but eventually I find myself between her legs. It’s very dark in there. Like a cave. I like it. And when I get myself up there it smells good. Fresh. Manicured. Everything is quite smooth leading up to the area. Which is a very pleasant surprise to me.