Stupid Sexist Trend Piece Alert: NY Mag Spills Ink on 'Hot Waitress Economic Index'

Shaker Bill in Birmingham sent me the link to this piece in New York Magazine entitled "The Hot Waitress Economic Index," in which the author purports to explain how you can measure the health of the American economy by how hot your waitress is.

In New York, we have our own economic indicators, often based on the degree to which people are being thwarted by the lack of opportunity. An old standby is the Overeducated Cabbie Index. The Squeegee Man Apparition Index is another good one....

The indicator I prefer is the Hot Waitress Index: The hotter the waitresses, the weaker the economy. In flush times, there is a robust market for hotness. Selling everything from condos to premium vodka is enhanced by proximity to pretty young people (of both sexes) who get paid for providing this service. That leaves more-punishing work, like waiting tables, to those with less striking genetic gifts. But not anymore.

His thesis is a combination of the ideas that: 1.) Restaurants struggling in a bad economy hire hot women to draw in business; and 2.) Jobs are so scarce that hot women who, in better economic conditions, make their living by scamming hostess, modeling, and high-end sex club work off well-placed friends, are settling for waitressing jobs.

But, hey -- don't get your panties all in a twist, ladies. It's not like he's endorsing the idea; he's just saying. In fact:

The other night, I had a waitress who looked like Winona Ryder in her Heathers heyday. Winona Jr. was lovely, and she didn't spill a thing on me. But I would've been far happier if she'd been a bald dude with a nose ring.

You'd think a guy who preferred his waitstaff decidedly more male might acknowledge the fundamental flaw in restaurateurs in New York hiring hot chicks to increase business.

Btw, if you find yourself offended by this article, I should let you know that a commenter there has helpfully suggested: "Finding this article offensive means that you find reality offensive." Because of course we all know that "reality" is never objectively offensive. Someone should have told the WWII Allied Troops, so they didn't bother wasting all that ammunition.