Are Obama and Petraeus in a Horror Movie?

If a childhood full of horror movies has taught me anything, it's this: No matter where you are, no matter how many circles you make with that flashlight bouncing around in your trembling paw, the bad stuff is invariably behind you. It's like a law of physics. That deformed mutant with a hook for a hand or a snake tongue is waiting to grab you while your back is turned. Always.

So as I watch Barack Obama and David Petraeus - the bumbling protagonists of this newest chapter of gorey American history - I can't help but want to scream at my TV screen. Discussing the torture issue, Petraeus today told FOX news that he believes it's time to "quit arguing about the past, probably - take the rearview mirrors off this bus and look to the future." Obama, for his part, has been sharing the sentiment. "I ... have a belief that we need to look forward, as opposed to looking backwards," he told ABC in January.

But where exactly are we going? And who the hell wants to ride in a bus with no rear view mirrors? Maybe there is a line between taking note of history's lessons and completely blowing them off. But come on. Obama and Petraeus are doing the political equivalent of embarking on a cross-country trip without even bringing a road map.

Or, more appropriately, they're acting like boastful chainsaw fodder in some nightmarish scare flick. 

"Noooo! Turn around, stupid! It's right behind you!"