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Ex-Stripper Army Wife Talks Military Marriages, War, PTSD, and Secret Shoe Phones

By Diablo Cody, SMITH Magazine. Posted May 14, 2009.


A new book, "I Love a Man in Uniform," looks at the imperfect individuals behind the red, white, and blue facade.

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Diablo Cody wrote a smart book about being a stripper and then went on to get famous for her film Juno. Lily Burana wrote a smart book about being a stripper and then went on to marry a military officer. Clearly, Burana and Cody have a lot to talk about.

Burana’s new book I Love a Man in Uniform (read an excerpt) is part humor, part how-to, and part classic fish-out-of-water story. But it’s also a serious memoir about change and compromise, depression and post-traumatic-stress, loneliness and perseverance, and the imperfect individuals behind the red, white, and blue facade.

The book reads like a travelogue of an oft-misunderstood subculture, and it works so well because she begins her journey as much of an outsider as her readers. "Thus began the relationship between Army Guy and Anarchy Girl," Burana writes in her introduction. "Ours isn’t a red state-blue state relationship -- more like red state and smash the state."

Below, she answers Diablo Cody’s questions about anthropology, experimental psychological treatments, judgey faces, deviled eggs, and secret military telephones. The two will also appear together on May 15 in Los Angeles at a burlesque-themed benefit for Operation Bombshell, Burana’s nonprofit for military wives.

Diablo Cody: The details in your book are so vivid and specific that they read almost like travelogues. From dancing to the rodeo world to the Army, you have a way of infiltrating these fascinating little societies. Have you always had this anthropological bent? And is Army life the most mysterious subject you’ve tackled?

Lily Burana: I wouldn’t confuse an anthropological bent with natural-born nosiness. I like peering inside the world’s medicine cabinet. Wait -- I mean that metaphorically; you can still invite me to parties! I’m always interested in how a subculture fits together, what the language is, what things connote status or are considered embarrassments. I like that the world contains so many smaller, unique worlds. In some ways, I pretty much view what I do as a form of travel writing, giving readers a glimpse into a culture they may have little to no exposure to.

The Army is definitely the most mysterious, most intimidating subject I’ve delved into. Partly because the Army remains closed-off to the civilian world and it totally psyched me out to become part of it. I think I’d seen too many military movies with old men in uniforms pounding their fists on conference tables and yelling "YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HIGH THIS GOES! WE CAN DESTROY YOU!" So I came to it with the Hollywood-fueled paranoia that it was like the Mafia in green polyester. I was so scared, I was sure I’d lose a pinkie if I messed up somehow.

Writing about the military was intimidating to me because it is so well-documented by soldiers and pundits and veterans and historians and know-it-alls, and also because there’s so little written by and about Army wives. We have our own soapy show on LIFETIME -- and for what it is, it actually has gotten a lot of things right -- but books? Pfft. There are so few. For the first few months of writing, I had "model citizen disease" -- like it was totally up to me to do it right and write perfectly and be this unassailable goddess of military domesticity and a Pulitzer-Prize-grade pageant queen to boot.

Turns out, I had to fly by the seat of my pants, write like a sloppy fool, and just be willing to lose the crown and the sash as Mrs. Perfect Army Wife. And, lo and behold, the ragged edges are what people seem to be responding to most.

DC: Your PTSD journey really affected me as a reader. I wanted to know more. Can you tell me more about the treatment you pursued, and do you think your PTSD would have gone undiagnosed had you not met Mike?


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View:
Women are to be seen and not heard.
Posted by: Honky the Nihilist VI on May 14, 2009 12:05 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
That is especially the case when it comes to strippers, porn stars, and Miss America pageant contestants. Who cares what a former stripper who now lives vicariously through her husband’s standing in the army has to say?

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

slow news day?
Posted by: writer7 on May 14, 2009 2:34 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
just askin'...

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

American womanhood
Posted by: 876 on May 14, 2009 8:28 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This article perfectly illustrates the depravity and vapidity and idiocy of American women...Their husbands are involved in genocide all over the world and they're just happy he does it in a uniform.

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My ex-date married a military guy now in Afghanistan despite my nicety.
Posted by: Ranjit Kumar on May 14, 2009 9:36 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Being nice and reasonable to women doesn't always work with them. They always think that men have to be macho and then they blame them for it. I'm a 33 yr old single who's used to such arrogance in the women's world. It's amazing how little they realize that all those cosmetics that they proudly put on to show off along with most of their clothes especially nylons is manufactured with the very same source our soldiers are ordered to fight to steal, OIL ! No offense to women but ever since WWII, most everything that women wear guzzles more crude oil than what men wear. Thankfully, more women in the East are switching to petroleum free clothing faster than women out here in the West.

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American Womanhood is not defined by you
Posted by: mviscid on May 14, 2009 9:49 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I see the misogynists are out in full force again. It's funny. Every time Alternet hosts articles primarily about women y'all can't seem to help but blow your wads.

Curious, curious...

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Sorry, this comment has been removed from the system.
Why does alternet publish this sort of tabloid material?
Posted by: logansafi on May 14, 2009 9:58 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Is alternet trying to borrow a page from Rupert Murdoch? This tabloid crap (Meow)is just so without any redeeming value! Notice how I threw that stupid 'Meow' in there just like was thrown into this piece (of s---)? What does this sort of material count for? About ZRO in my book.

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ex-MI guy
Posted by: tatamchwh on May 14, 2009 1:01 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
During my four decades with MI on both active and reserve duty, I witnessed the military turn from being a cross-section of American society to being a right-wing self-righteous collection. This account of one woman's experience(s) gives me a little hope that the now-lost variety might still have some representation in our future forces. Because if our forces remain a one-dimensional reflection of society at large, we're in real trouble.

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Mindfulness meditation might work better
Posted by: maxsmart on May 14, 2009 3:21 PM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Then your eyes don't have to track anything and your mind doesn't have to be under control at all. You see and label your thoughts thinking and then go back to being there where you are breathing and sitting with good posture but relaxed and hearing and gazing unfocused and not judging your thoughts just seeing them and then coming back to the present moment gently again and again, not trying to do anything more than that or make it mean anything more than that.

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none so blind...
Posted by: art guerrilla on May 14, 2009 6:47 PM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
unrepentant and unrestrained militarism and worship of warriors has become so pervasive and accepted in our society that *EVEN LEFT WING SITES* feel obligated to venerate the know-nothing cannon fodder who self-righteously hopscotch around the world killing brownish people at will for the furtherance of kapitalist imperialism...
the eensy-weensy, teeny-tiny little factoids that kampers refuse to recognize are:
1. the military has one purpose and one purpose only: to kill and destroy our 'enemies'... their purpose *isn't* to give brown kids bubble gum...
('enemies' being WHOEVER the state points our AMORAL murderers at: they don't give a shit who they are murdering, nor for what reason, they just kill who they are told to kill...)
2. we spend more on killing than on living; we spend more on our war machine than the whole rest of the world put together ! ! ! *THAT* is the hallmark of a 'peace-loving' people ? ? ? *snort*
3. WE -NOT al qaeda, NOT the taliban, NOT moose limb terrorists- have military bases the world over, REGARDLESS of whether the restless natives want us there or not...
but that is for their own good, right ? *snicker*
4. kneejerk supporters of the military are inured to violence, inured to the countless innocents (you know, collateral damage) we murder on a daily basis, and absolutely full-up to the brim with disgusting amerikan exceptionalism...
peace through war, right killers ?
know-nothing super-patriot killers who murder whoever unka sammie points them at... absolutely NOTHING to respect about that...

art guerrilla
aka ann archy

art guerrilla@windstream.net

eof

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very good~
Posted by: nonyio on May 15, 2009 12:19 AM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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Diablo AKA?
Posted by: Jaffe on May 17, 2009 10:10 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Here's something you probably don't know. This stripper-chick thing is a ruse.

Some of us suspected that Condi Rice was playing a role as Secretary of State and official condoner of waterboarding.

She was: The only water she's into is pee pee. Condi, once president of Stanford University, was cutting it as a hard-core stripper, sucking up quarters with her vulva, going the whole nine.

Dummy Bush knew nothing about it, but shit-eating Defense Sec Rumsfeld knew and approved. Rumsfeld himself was doubling as a serial killer in the DC-Virginia environs.

After failing at rape because of impotence (even Viagra didn't help) he shot at a number of under-age girls with a Glock semi, but he usually missed because he was an asshole and a lousy shot.

Condi as Diablo didn't miss. She was super sexy with that tell-tale space between her upper front teeth.

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