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Hard Times for Women Living on the Edge: Economic Anxieties Send Domestic-Abuse Rates Soaring

By Nick Turse, Tomdispatch.com. Posted May 11, 2009.


Even in good times, life for poor working women can be an obstacle-filled struggle to get by. In an economic crisis, it can be hell.

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Even in good times, life for poor working women can be an obstacle-filled struggle to get by. In bad times, it can be hell.

Now, throw domestic violence into the mix and the hardships grow exponentially -- as I discovered recently when I talked with "Tyrie" while she was at her job at a child care center in one of New York City's outer boroughs.

"This economy is hitting everybody really hard," the fortysomething woman, originally from Trinidad, tells me. But it's hitting her harder than many. Tyrie is a domestic-violence survivor whose personal suffering has been compounded by the global economic crisis. And she isn't alone.

"Clients are coming in more severely battered with more serious injuries," reports Catherine Shugrue dos Santos of Sanctuary for Families, New York state's largest nonprofit organization exclusively dedicated to dealing with domestic-violence victims and their children. "This leads us to believe that the intensity of the violence may be escalating. It also means that people may be waiting until the violence has escalated before they leave."

"Difficult financial times do not cause domestic violence," says Brian Namey from the National Network to End Domestic Violence. "But they can exacerbate it. When there are tough financial times, couples can be under greater pressure, have higher stress levels."

In fact, a 2004 study by the National Institute of Justice reported that women whose male partners experienced two or more periods of unemployment over five years were three times more likely to be abused.

The Domestic Violence No One Notices

When "domestic violence" is mentioned, people usually think of physical, emotional or sexual abuse, but experts say that another form of domestic violence has been on the increase since the global financial meltdown hit. They call it "economic abuse."

It not only goes largely unnoticed by most Americans, according to Shugrue dos Santos, but is "not sufficiently explored in the press." Namey concurs, adding, "Financial abuse is something that may not be on the radar for most people, but it is a serious problem."

Sanctuary for Families points to "Jen," a battered client who came to them last fall, just as the financial crisis was beginning to sweep the country. According to its staff, she represents an ever more typical case.

Speaking of her partner, she describes her dilemma: 

"Sometimes I think it would be easier just to go back to him. I know that he could possibly kill me but ... when we lived with him, he always had the refrigerator full, and I never had to worry about what my baby was going to eat or what we were going to wear. It's just really hard to watch my baby live like this. Sometimes I don't think it's worth it."

Jen is one of an increasing number of women caught between violence in the home and the violence of being penniless, powerless and alone in the world.

One way in which economic abuse occurs, Shugrue dos Santos explains, is when "as part of the power and control dynamic, the batterer tries to exert control over the finances of the family. We talk to many women, and even if they're the primary breadwinners in the family, they end up turning that money over to the batterer who either doesn't give them money or gives them an allowance."

There can be little question that the economic crisis is exerting new pressures on victims of domestic violence, exacerbating a whole constellation of interrelated issues that threaten to make their lives more precarious.

Staff members at Sanctuary for Families are finding, for instance, that batterers are ever more likely to fail to pay child and spousal support once their wives or partners leave them. Job loss in a swooning economy and less-forgiving landlords are just two other obvious factors that lead many of their clients to consider returning to abusers for financial security.

In addition, women like Jen are often kept in the dark about family finances and may even have their financial well-being and credit ruined by partners who mismanage their money, or use it as a form of punishment or a method of control. But there's also a larger kind of economic violence that only adds to the hardship of abusive relationships (or the possibility of leaving them) -- as Tyrie recently discovered when she took action against her abusive husband and found herself with mouths to feed in a world in which all sorts of economic supports were crumbling around her.


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See more stories tagged with: class, gender, violence, hunger, abuse, poverty, domestic violence, poor women

Nick Turse is the associate editor and research director of Tom Dispatch. His first book, The Complex: How the Military Invades Our Everyday Lives, an exploration of the new military-corporate complex in America, was recently published by Metropolitan Books. Visit his Web site at nickturse.com.

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Women commit just as much domestic violence as men.
Posted by: Honky the Nihilist IV on May 11, 2009 12:32 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
They’re just not as capable of getting the job done as a man. I guess the author didn’t want to clutter this article with factual information that would diminish women’s victimhood.

How does a $2.50 subway ride hurt poor women more than poor men? This just goes to show that it does not benefit the US to allow any immigrants in at this time.

“My momma had 10 kids back in the days”
Ahh the diversity that immigrants bring.


a few sources:
1
2
3

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» I agree three Posted by: messedup
» RE: I agree three Posted by: babs
» RE: I agree three/four Posted by: Solar Wind
» I never claimed to take the high road. Posted by: Honky the Nihilist IV
» SUPER LOL ! GOOD ONE DUDE ! :) Posted by: FLYING DOOFUS
Trillions for Wall Street ...
Posted by: mmckinl on May 11, 2009 12:56 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Cuts for Social Programs ...

Is this what the last election was for?

Buying Brand Obama

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not just a poor woman's problem
Posted by: SekhmetsatRa on May 11, 2009 2:52 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Domestic Violence cuts across ALL SOCIAL CLASSES!!!!! I do mean ALL. support your local DV shelters. and yes, women DO abuse men as well. but the far greater majority of beatees(i hate the word "victim", it's overused) are women and children. DV has very little to do with drugs or alcohol and EVERYTHING to do with CONTROL. the batterers want to CONTROL and OWN the beatees body, mind and spirit. DV shelters offer more than one counseling session a day, and have couselors THERE, on premises 24-hours a day. so that excuse is BS. There are many many many programs for DV beatees. they just need to avail themselves of them.

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» Right... Posted by: MartianBachelor
Just women, huh? Come on now, there are just as many men too who are the victims of domestic abuse.
Posted by: John More on May 11, 2009 3:53 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
That's what has the rates soaring. The author could have factored in the domestic abuse rates for men and would have realized that the rates are soaring because they're coming from both sexes. This article sounds like a feminist put a gun to this author's head when he wrote it. Come on Nick, you can do better than that !

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I know what you mean. I myself consoled a few victims of domestic abuse.
Posted by: JenniferBedingfield on May 11, 2009 4:36 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Usually, it would be either one of my neighbors or one of my friends going through marriage breakups. Victims of domestic violence, men or women, are often abused to the point that they won't even feel like going back to their own home. Often times, they would say "Well, I got to go back home now" and then the next minute they would say "Oh wait, I don't even have a home" and I would tell them that they're welcome to stay and then try to help them out the best I could until they were ready to fight back their abusers or even take them down in court. Seeing them going through this kind of trauma is itself heartbreaking. I don't think that money is necessarily a factor though it can sway outcomes all too often. I've seen societies and times where even the worst economic times actually bring more people together and domestic violence actually goes down.

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This comment has been removed from the site due to non-compliance with AlterNet's community policies.
» don't be stupid, stupid Posted by: dover23
» typical rethug response Posted by: dover23
» RE: Edit to last post... Posted by: Quist
» Quist Posted by: dover23
Domestic & Sexual Violence is still about power & control
Posted by: Redrum on May 11, 2009 5:05 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This is a good article, but it still boils down to one thing: power & control. Even when the economy is good, power & control by abusers continues. Focus on this aspect with abusers, teach them about equality in relationships, and perhaps domestic and sexual violence rates go down.

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Abuse of women!
Posted by: Spiritgirl on May 11, 2009 6:33 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Yes, domestic violence does happen to men, however, the majority of the abused are women and children. The problem as one suggested isn't just that $2.50 subway ride that affects both women and men, the truth is that women are still paid .70 cents for every $1 a man makes! And when you make less, you are paying more as a percent of your income - and that's the point!

In this nation we pay lip-service to women and childrens' issues, but when it comes to actual policy to help them, well "let's just debate" about it some more! Over the last 30 years or so, we as a nation have forgotten about the "least of these", in our "individual, ownership" society - it is all about "me"!

As this economic crisis has hit this nation, this is the time to re-think our community values, to each other as society. NOW is the time to help ourselves. Be it help with daycare especially for single women, fairer wages for women, nationalized health-care, etc. We have to come together to make those politicians hear our collective voices, to make sure that our policies put people first, then business! We have to end the cycle of abuse on women, both in the home, and in society at large!

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This comment has been removed from the site due to non-compliance with AlterNet's community policies.
It's all the free time these poor guys have on their hands
Posted by: sausage on May 11, 2009 6:43 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Y'see, if these poor, out-of-work guys didn't have all this free time on their hands to read pornography--you know Playboy, Hustler...a little Internet porn--they wouldn't be beating their old ladies and kids.

Poverty and a faltering economy has nothing to do with anything. It's porn, pure and simple.

Unemployed guys should be reading the Bible.

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SAd
Posted by: GoKanuks on May 11, 2009 7:05 AM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Sad indeed. I think any man who hurts a woman should be dealt with in the harshest way possible. There simply is no excuse.

RT
Is your ISP watching?

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» Guitar Bill? Posted by: badkitty
OLDER WOMEN ARE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST IN THE WORKPLACE & ARE FAMILY VIOLENCE VICTIMS TOO
Posted by: joeocho88 on May 11, 2009 7:25 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
WOMEN over 50 are less likely to be hired for a job and have no way out of the abuse without financial resources because they had to spend everything they made JUST TO LIVE since they make a LOT LESS THAN MEN.
They have to go someplace.
THEY are only hired as a last resort, paid much less and get NO benefits like hospitalization insurance-- at least in Texas where I am from.
When they can't find work they have two options, to be taken in by family members where they are RESENTED and catch a lot of hell when the economy is BAD or they have to take their chances in a HOMELESS SHELTER. Either way, they will be kicked to the curb because American Society tends to discard women once they get over 40 --never mind that they are living longer... this is true of ALL ETHNIC GROUPS by the way. Whether or not a woman is gay or straight, it does not matter.
Also, if she has a profession like CPA, Attorney, Physician, RN, Educator, it is LESS likely to happen but not even THESE professions are exempt from DISCRIMINATION!
There needs to be MORE JOBS FOR EVERYBODY that pay a LIVING WAGE --enough to provide for the basics anyway. That way, people can EARN their way and PAY TAXES to enable more people to Train for jobs that exist and they can get a JOB and PAY TAXES...
This old cant about "Freeloaders--just get a job!" WILL NOT LONGER CUT IT. IT SEEMS THAT AVAILABLE TECHNOLOGY IS ELIMINATING QUITE A FEW JOBS --THAT WON'T BE COMING BACK! And not everybody can be in the medical profession or the high tech industry... especially those who never have the chance to retrain for those jobs.
Notice the people who are looking down on the women who can't find work are almost always MEN!
What do you do with the older women who never had the opportunity for an education and are too OLD for the workforce and too YOUNG for Social Security --assuming you can even get Social Security in the first place? What do you do with them?
The New World Order spokesmen like Henry Kissinger thinks they should be killed like 80 percent of the world's "USELESS EATERS"...
WHERE ARE ALL THESE JOBS BARACK OBAMA PROMISED US?
The only people I have seen who have ACTUALLY BENEFITTED from his administration so far were the financial industry and BIG INSURANCE industry friends and cronies of the Bush administration.
If a woman is YOUNG enough, she can always JOIN THE MILITARY because it is a lot harder to deny equal treatment to someone who has fought and served there.
Doesn't solve the Older Woman's problems, however and the homeless shelters here are filling up with women, many who are there because of death and divorce and ABUSE --throught no fault of their own. Thist article only talks about women with chldren but since the 1960s A LOT OF WOMEN DON'T HAVE CHILDREN FOR A SYSTEM THAT ONLY HELPS WOMEN WITH CHILDREN and is not into the new reality of women living longer with few relatives and even fewer resources!

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Now it seems that being progressive is anti-male.
Posted by: Quist on May 11, 2009 7:56 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The more articles I read on this site, the more it seems that the editors of this site believe that you cannot be male and progressive at the same time.

You also cannot be an omnivore, a responsible gun owner, you cannot enjoy any form of pornography (well, unless they say it is feminist erotica), you cannot be moderately religious or agnostic, or an independent that does not always blindly follow far left (or right) dogma. There is totally a vegan, anti-gun, feminist, anti-porn, and atheist bias and slant at this site.

This is coming from someone who is an atheist (I dont "believe" in anyone's idea of God); who thinks that we should have reasonable gun regulations and is concerned about all the idiots that own guns; who is not that into most porn and thinks some porn is just disgusting; who thinks that most people eat too much meat and not enough fruits and vegetables and is against the inhumane treatment of farm animals; someone who realizes that women are victimized throughout the globe; and someone who is progressively independent (I do not buy into one political, social, religious, or economical ideology). With that said...

...I am concerned that the movement or ideal that is being illustrated much to often at this site is extreme, divisive, unrealistic, subjective (not objective), emotional, partisan, close-minded, irrational, dogmatic, and extremely biased. To me, being progressive has nothing to do with dogma or belief, it has to do with the search for truth...and a pursuit of fairness, empathy, balance, reason, reasonable equality, reasonable freedom, understanding ecology, happiness, and the betterment of "our" society and environment. This can only be done if we are unbiased, critical thinking, independent thinking, aware, open-minded (but not so open that your brain falls out), reasonable, courageous, articulate, persuasive, logical, empathetic, understanding, rational, scientific, responsible, and sensible. We will fail IMO if the progressive movement is fueled by the pursuit of dogmatic, divisive, petty, unsubstantiated, indoctrinated, hypocritical, and/or contentious beliefs.

We should be much better than the extreme, irrational, apathetic, hypocritical, unreasonable, violent, idiotic, divisive, contentious, and/or dangerous ideologies that have a chokehold on our world.

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Suck it up ladies
Posted by: messedup on May 11, 2009 9:07 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
You don't have to live with the man you know. I chose to live alone so I would not have to deal with it. I've tried having room mates, one time, even a man and woman. They sure did like fighting, never again.

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» RE: Suck it up ladies Posted by: babs
Female Abusers, and Economic abuse?
Posted by: 605dave on May 11, 2009 9:28 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
As many others have pointed out here, domestic violence cuts both ways. In my ten year marriage I was repeated attacked and hit by my wife. So every time I see an article that refers to domestic violence and never mentions men, it stings. It tells me that domestic violence directed at men is acceptable. It tells me that I was right to not have called the police, that no one would take me seriously anyway.

Also, if you are going to talk about financial abuse why don't we talk about the women who live off their husbands? How many times have you seen a woman with a designer bag talking shit on her husband? How many wives spend like there's no tomorrow, then turn around and belittle and ignore their partners? Quite a few actually.

I do believe that domestic violence is a big issue. But until we recognize that domestic violence includes various forms of abuse women inflict on men, it will be difficult to truly move forward.

Finally, to be clear, I am not suggesting that women are responsible for abuse or bring it on themselves. Simply that all abuse is wrong regardless of the gender of the abuser.

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» RE: Female Abusers, and Economic abuse? Posted by: Romantic Violence
Sorry, this comment has been removed from the system.
» See what I mean? Posted by: Honky the Nihilist V
» RE: See what I mean? Posted by: maxpayne
A man's world....
Posted by: maddasein on May 11, 2009 11:43 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Ok, this is a response to those who are getting upset that the article didn't include information on women attacking their male partners. Well, it didn't mention gay and lesbian domestic violence either. And trust me, I have seen some heinous violence in the lesbian community. But I digress.... domestic violence does indeed affect women and children in greater numbers. This is because of so many other societal factors that go beyond merely the gender of the victim

First, women are on average are still making much less in wages than men. Some girls are still being taught from very early on that they should find a husband to take care of them and that men are just naturally stronger and smarter and therefore should be in control. So think about it this way, take a woman who has been a stay at home mom for years with several children who decides to leave an abusive husband and takes her kids for fear that they may also be abused. What is she to do if she has no real job skills and several mouths to feed? I am not saying that this cannot be applied to men, but rather that we still live in a pretty patriarchal society and women are many times at a greater disadvantage than men. Because of these disadvantages they will likely stay with the abusive partner longer or return to them once they've left.

I must say as a woman, it is still a difficult world for us even in 2009. I have faced sexual harrassment in the workplace many times as well as sexual discrimination, and hate that I have to worry for my safety should I dare go out walking by myself.

I just wish sometimes that we could discuss issues that clearly affect women to a higher degree without people getting their panties in a wad because it didn't also include men. If an article comes out about the problems faced by women of color I don't get all upset that it didn't include stats about white women because there are some things that disproportionately affect a person of color more just as in the case of violence against women.

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DerRotBaron
Posted by: DerRotBaron on May 11, 2009 12:54 PM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
When we cracked the numbers a couple of decades ago, women were almost as likely instigate and chronically propagate domestic violence as men. We discovered that women were almost three times as likely as men to enlist a potentially lethal weapon in domestic violence as men, and that as a national average, 76% of the perps listed on the child abuse registries were women. Cracked as sexual abuse perps, women were above one fourth, approaching one third.

The numbers have been cracked again, unreciprocated domestic violence: 24% women, 27% men. Reciprocated DV is instigated at about the same ratios, men enjoying a slight advantage. Felony assault arrests in the last couple of years were a women majority, national totals around 835,000 per annum.

Identify the gender specific training programs for emergency medical personnel to recognize men as victims of DV? How many shelter programs set aside a significant proportion of their beds for men and their children who are subject to DV? Courts that provide temp custody of children, and ultimately permanent custody to their functioning male parents at reasonable rates? And, courts that make an effort to preserve financial assets for children under the direction of their male parents?

The image of a woman huddled with a clinched fist with this article is dysfunctional propaganda. Domestic violence is a serious problem in the US, and everywhere. It does cross and compress all social lines and distinctions, including cheap gender stereotypes. We will not adequately address DV, or ever develop adequate policy, with this sort of poor reality testing and stereotypes. DV is very much an issue of power and control.

As the total population grows there will be inevitable increases in conflict and violence at every level of human society, and in all gender identities. We can only minimize that to a given degree, with socialization practices. That containment of violence will never happen to the extent possible in a society that destroys social infrastructure and the basic unit of socialization for radical individualism and greed. Of course "economic" stress will increase violence at all levels and strata of society, all ages, particularly in the absence of, or increasing dysfunction of local social infrastructure.

It may be worth note that the US has the fastest growing total population of any large economy on the planet. Will casting gender stereotypes that don't fit social reality improve our ability to address violence at the domestic level, or any other level?

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» Links.... Posted by: maddasein
as the old saying goes...
Posted by: avabird on May 11, 2009 1:07 PM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
women are the worlds niggers....

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Women Paying Alimony to Men
Posted by: Lilly on May 11, 2009 1:08 PM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
A situation has come to my attention through the experience of a friend. A woman who has put her husband through school, sometimes multiple times, and whose husband then either fails to find a job in this economy or who maybe doesn't look too hard, is now required to provide alimony or rehabilitative support in the event of divorce. Hearing this from my friend I thought it was some crazy fluke but she has now linked several articles to me---it's happening all around. Laws put in place to protect the stay-at-home mom whose husband, after 20-30 years of marriage, decides to fly away with a chickie, is now being turned against women married to ne'er-do-well men. The man has no income, so he not only gets a payoff from his working wife but he isn't required to pay child support.

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» I love it. Posted by: Honky the Nihilist IV
I've said this before
Posted by: willymack on May 11, 2009 1:57 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
And it bears repeating. It doesn't take much of a man to knock a woman about. Let me put it another way. Any man who beats a woman up is no man at all.

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At a complete loss
Posted by: maddy on May 11, 2009 4:26 PM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I seriously don't know what to think or do when I read message boards like these. Talk about national Up is Down Day.

Yes, there is one grand conspiracy that conceals a truth: women are just as likely or more likely to abuse men. And when women abuse men, it is qualitatively no different than the reverse.

The field of sociology?--with, what, its mounds upon mounds and decades upon decades of research--is simply biased in its methodologies.

All those nonprofits and social programs to protect women and children from deadly abusers? Those just discriminate against men who are also abused.

Law enforcement? They're part of this conspiracy too, wasting their time pursing all those men who rape, and batter, and murder women who "let them down." Cuz, really, women murder just as often as men--remember, the sociological data is just biased.

By the way, this was sarcasm in case you didn't pick up on that.

While we're speaking of pathological levels of denial and misogyny, let's add some points about basic reasoning to this little mix. First of all: exploing the suffering of one group does not negate the suffering of another. Spare me the zero sum game logic. Yes, individual men may be abused by individual women, but STATISTICALLY the numbers are not even close and QUALITIVELY the abuse itself is different. As just one obvious point: the leading cause of death for a pregnant woman in the US is HOMICIDE at the hands of her boyfriend or spouse.

Second point of Reasoning 101: Pointing out this statistical reality of male abuse of women DOES NOT MEAN that all men are rapists, batterers, or murderers. However, when an individual man feels compelled to justify that violence ("No, she did it first!") rather than flatly denouncing any act of violence regardless of the gender of the victim, hello REPUGNANCE. You cannot claim the moral high ground when you defend such acts, no matter who commits them.

And, third point of Reasoning 101: Pointing out that economic hardship compounds domestic violence is not, logicially, the erasure of the violence suffered by middle class or rich folks. Again, to return to the field of sociology, you wouldn't have to read up that much to have to learn that the quickest route to poverty is to be a single mother. Exploring the multiple dimensions of that struggle is not stereotypical, nor does it erase the suffering of others. Unless, of course you 1. Cannot process complex information beyond zero sum game logic, or 2. are so rooted in denial and or misogyny that refuse to learn at all because of how threatening it is to see the reality around you.

Hmmm...which is it I wonder??

PS. I'm still waiting for the news stories about roving bands of armed women who publically stone or anally rape men who have the audacity to try to appear in public or try to learn to read or get assaulted by another woman and bring shame to their family. I'm also still waiting for the news stories of the angry white woman who goes into her church and starts shooting people who have different political views than she does. I'm also holding my breathe to learn about the new Christian denomination that denies men property rights or autonomy and requires them to remain in the house tending to broods of poor children. OH WAIT, I'm SORRY: the news media is also a coconspirator, keeping us from seeing the TRUTH.

Seriously, what does one DO with this level of denial????

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» maddy... Posted by: maddasein
» RE: maddy... Posted by: SekhmetsatRa
» RE: maddy... Posted by: maddasein
Guitar Bill?
Posted by: badkitty on May 11, 2009 9:08 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
No warning???

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» RE: Guitar Bill? Posted by: badkitty
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good piece, stuff worth keeping in mind
Posted by: DaBear on May 12, 2009 11:05 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
While I get tired of the divide and conquer tactics by the RWA trolls who still infest Alternet's comment boards, it's important for me a male and as a lower income guy who ends up talking with a lot of folks in our hood about this shit, to keep my eyes and ears peeled for women who are taking the hit hard. Other men in my hood are noticing that too and we're starting to form up local help-outs to anyone in need in our hood. BUt men have got to know how women experience economic hits differently than we do, and understand how they hit us the same. When you're helping someone out who's really in the suck, you gotta know how to offer the best help you can and that may look different when it's a sister rather than a brother. This shit's important.

Ain't no way the owning class is gonna let up until we're dead or they are. So we gotta defend ourselves by helping each other, because they sure as hell ain't gonna stop class warfare on us.

When you're poor, you're all poor-—income challenged men have just as much shit to tolerate as women, but women and men alike deal with different qualities of that shit—the article makes a good angle on the shit too many of our sisters have to deal with... the bottom line is still that we're all stuck eatin' da shit shoved at us by the owning class. They must be the focus of our anger and resistance not each other!

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Economic Abuse huh?
Posted by: marjani on May 13, 2009 3:01 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
That's what they're calling it nowadays. Because my husband, even as we speak, has decided to abandon me in an apartment that he says he can't afford any more. He informed me that HE will be moving out and told me good luck. For someone who has no money, he deposited nearly $4k in his checking account this month and that doesn't include the money he gets under the table in cash. I have been begging friends for money for food and I get his checking statement and he spent $840 at Wal-Mart, as well as smaller checks for amounts between $35-$290 dollars for other things. Yet he told the apt complex in which we live that he has suffered a MAJOR loss of income. My estimate is that he must have been making more than $10k a month and is now making only $7-$8k. I had to apply for food stamps in the meantime, plus he refused to renew the lease...meaning I will be homeless as of July 11.

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Big surprise here . . .
Posted by: Walks-in-Storms on May 14, 2009 6:33 AM   
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For decades, women were proclaiming that the new male ideal was a guy who could show his feelings. Real men cried in public and showed his emotions openl. The strong, John Wayne type just wasn't sexy, all the new Playmate types shrilled.

Now "men" are doing what they feel like - beating the crap out of his woman - and the girls are furious. Feminists, of course, have forgotten it all - conveniently.

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Domestic violence made a feminist of me
Posted by: abstractedaway on May 14, 2009 1:18 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
As I am a guy, this sounds incongruous. However, when I was young and vulnerable, my mother chose a real psychopath to make my stepfather and then proceeded to passively enable him. She complained a great deal about it, but did nothing, and we paid the price in many lost years afterwards.

It's not just the women who suffer, even in the traditional scenario of a violent husband. Children get abused at the very least by proxy in that psychological climate - and they get targeted too.

That's why I think society needs to encourage strength and independence in women. They're most likely to get the kids to raise, and when they fall in with abusers, they are not the only victims. Dependency is an awful reason to stay in a bad relationship. Don't go there!

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