"Joe the Plumber": Some of My Best Friends Are Queer, but I Wouldn't Let Them Near My Kids

The 15 minutes of fame enjoyed by right-wing Everyman Sam Wurzelbacher, AKA "Joe the Plumber," seem to have stretched into an eternity, haven't they?

Yet I can't quite bring myself to wishing him away. He is such a perfect spokesman for the embittered white male whose resentment fuels the new conservative movement, and, as a man who admits to knowing next to nothing about politics, economics, foreign policy and all of the other issues about which he pontificates, his every utterance is a beautifully-wrapped gift of lunacy.

In a long, aimless interview with Christianity Today, old Samuel doesn't disappoint [via the Colorado Independent]:

In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?

At a state level, it's up to them. I don't want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it's wrong. People don't understand the dictionary—it's called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It's not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that.

That's so perfect: the only slur he can come up with is calling a white person -- a member of a long-persecuted minority in this country -- a "honky." Says a lot.

You know, God is pretty explicit in what we're supposed to do—what man and woman are for.

Women are for pleasing men, fetching beer, cleaning the house and bearing children. Men are for keeping women in line. Jeez -- don't need a Bible to tell you that.

Now, at the same time, we're supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I've had some friends that are actually homosexual.

I have friends who say they're homosexual, but I keep catching them sleeping with members of the opposite sex -- score one for Joe!

And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they're people, and they're going to do their thing.

Man, there is some compassionate conservatism. Some of his best friends are gay -- actually gay -- and while he wouldn't let them near his children, he understands that they're going to do their thing (ick!).

Read the rest -- it's full of equally wonderful insights.