News & Politics

Corporate Showcase Busts

A recent arrest of an off-brand, father-and-son outfit reeks of fishyness. Are these busts for show or excuses for parading white collar workers?
They actually arrested somebody. You believe this? The SEC conducted a semi-real and supposedly genuine raid arresting a couple of Philadelphia father and son mooks who ran some cable outfit allegedly hiding $2 billion in expenses from investors. Now, don't get your dividends in a reverse split here, these obviously aren't your high priced corporate big time heavy weight political contributors. No, just some off-brand white guys sans the political pressure to keep from being marched past the cameras handcuffed. If these had been real hard core connected schtarkers, we all know they would have been escorted through the basement and out the back loading dock into a waiting van where federal marshals would have handed them bottles of cold Icelandic spring water, with little crocheted hand booties to keep their fingers warm and dry. But these guys either pissed somebody off, are in the process of installation as national white collar crime scapegoats, or they spoke of the marshal's mother in a disparaging manner. The feds got to really have a hard-on not to throw you a coat to cover the handcuffs. I know, its summer. Not a lot of Burberrys available. But still. Paper towels. A beach ball. Let em carry a billowing philodendron. Something.

And how come the cameras were there? When do you ever get to see the guys walk through the glass doors all the way to the bubble top? Who called that in? The arrestees' lawyer? Let me think. No. Doubt that. That's the problem with the press. You can never figure out which information was spoon fed to them by ogres with a grudge or whether that primrose path they're leading you down was one they were brought to blindfolded. They want you to think they're just investigating muckraking fools and tracked down this bust through a series of astute analyses and fancy footwork, when probably the total extent of their exertion was picking up a phone. Call me cynical, but I just don't trust these showcase busts. Makes me want to find out more about the non showcase examples that went down previously. You know what I'm talking about. Enron and Worldcom. Mostly Enron. What the Vice Presidential knew and what he didn't know. And how come nobody's talking about that any more. Reminds me of what my magician friend is wont to say: "it's all misdirection."

Will Durst is going to Edinburgh where it's cold and wet. Just like home.