Romancing the Coconut

By Sharon Lerner, Village Voice. Posted August 1, 2002.

So your standoffish therapist isn't helping that much in the romance realm. "Well, what do you think?" she asks, smiling noncommittally, as if you'd be there if you knew why you were dating the guy who was afraid to take off his pants. Or maybe she throws out that other conversation stopper: "That's an interesting question." Really, why go round and round about interesting questions when you have immediate, pressing, and deeply annoying love problems to solve? And while we're being honest, why do all that problem solving yourself when you could have someone else do it for you?

Maybe they can't do all the heavy lifting, but an array of spiritual guides, coaches, and renegade romantic consultants are doing their damnedest to help fix your love life. Depending on your financial situation, skepticism level, and particular vexation, this varied bunch of practitioners will summon relief through "lucky oil," life-partner-envisioning sessions, or the energy of your very own body. And while your therapist may sidestep the sticky questions of what you should actually do about your dilemmas (way too directive), some of the guides listed here will not only tell you how you should solve your problems, but also draw on higher powers to help you with them.

Take Papo, for instance. A practitioner of his own special blend of Santería and espiritualismo, a belief that centers on communicating with the spirits of the dead, Papo's happy to dole out predictions, if he's feeling them. At age 10 the young psychic, who then lived in the Rockaways, started having visions of what would happen, including a dead-on premonition that his mother's workplace would burn down. (Papo swears he didn't set the fire.) Next, his mother's friends started coming to him for guidance. And he's been reading cards (brisca, the Mexican kind, not tarot), filling pumpkins with lucky oil, and lighting candles for a steady stream of clients ever since.

In almost 30 years on the job, Papo, who was born Carlos Altuz, has applied his intuition to illnesses, tax problems, and even a workers' compensation lawsuit. (After more than two years and several candle lightings and prayers, his client -- the plaintiff -- ultimately prevailed.) But this "spiritual psychiatrist," as Papo calls himself, says most of his clients journey to his East New York living room for his "white magic" love spells. Just bring him a picture of your beloved and an item of his or her clothing -- and pay about $25 -- and Papo will contact the appropriate spirits through the shell of a coconut to see that the arrows fly in the right direction. "The coconut has an oracle in it," he says. "The spirits do talk through it."

How does he hear them? "You have to believe," says Papo, smiling from his green velvet couch as his next appointment appears at the door.

At first the mood in Deborah Roth's peach-colored office seems slightly less mystical than at Papo's place. Talking on her headset telephone while thumbing through a binder, the interfaith minister, life transition coach, and relationship coach can seem all business. But beside her computer you may notice a container of yellow oil and roots. A towering blond who used to work in corporate personnel, Roth, it turns out, devised the love potion herself. (This one, which a couple will soon use to anoint one another at their wedding, contains cloves for protection and the root ylang-ylang, which Roth says she put in for "great sex.")

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