Never Met a Woman Before? New Poll Tells You What They're Like

For all those people out there who have never met a woman before, the Oxygen Network -- well known for their rigorous, academic analyses of modern-day gender issues -- just released a study that tells you exactly what to expect should you ever run into one.

For example, if you are an ugly millionaire, rest assured that 1 out of every 2 women you meet will want to marry you.

Some other essential information revealed by the study is that 25% of women would rather win America’s Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize, but that 75% would shave their heads to save the life of a stranger.

These are but a few of the powerful insights into contemporary womanhood made by Oxygen media’s expert study. Psychotherapist AND reality show judge Dr. Jenn Berman mused in the press release:

This survey proves an interesting dissection of today’s woman and how she relates her personal image with what she values in her life ... And as shown in several results women today are a complex combination of altruistic and materialistic, vain and insecure, loyal and self-serving. This survey highlights the dichotomy in all of us.

Since the entire thing is a p.r. stunt shilling the premier of some crappy new reality show, it’s probably unnecessary to belabor the absurdity of the study -- to bring up the point that their line of questioning would hardly trigger the type of deep self-analysis to which the study pretends; to harp on the fact that “woman” is crassly and unselfconsciously used to mean hetero woman; or that the survey questions are not revealed.

Except that it appears to have been taken more or less at face value by much of the media.