Much Ado About Winona

Poor Winona Ryder. The Hollywood actress can't seem to get a break these days, and when she does, it's a bad one. On June 3, while returning from a court recess for her preliminary hearing on charges of second-degree burglary, grand theft, vandalism and possession of a drug without a prescription, Ryder was whacked in the arm with a television camera, amid a flurry of photographers, TV crews and paparazzi waiting to capture her inevitable fall from glory.

It turned out to be a fracture to her right arm -- the same arm she injured while filming the Adam Sandler vehicle, "Mr. Deeds," due for release June 28. Save for her top billing, Winona is noticeably absent in billboards and print ads promoting the movie.

Sony Pictures, which is distributing Mr. Deeds, may be anticipating the worst for their doe-eyed star, who was arrested Dec. 12, 2001 for allegedly stealing $4,760 worth of merchandise from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills and possessing painkillers without a prescription.

On Feb. 1, Ryder, 30, was charged with the multiple felonies, including possession of Oxycodone, a morphine derivative. Beverly Hills Superior Court Judge Elden S. Fox has ruled that there is sufficient evidence for Ryder on all four charges. Ryder's arraignment is scheduled for June 14. Fox reiterated that the media stay 10 feet away from Ryder, perhaps to prevent another camera run-in.

In the months leading to her June trial, the events of what actually went down have taken comic -- no, mythic -- turns. Police report that Ryder cut herself removing security tags from items she allegedly stole, leaving bloodstains in a dressing room. In a Mar. 12, 2002 article in the Los Angeles Times, Ann W. O'Neill wrote that she had viewed the 90-minute store surveillance tape of Ryder, and reported that everyone was making much ado about nothing.

"Whatever the camera might have 'seen' didn't end up on the tape. There is, however, plenty of footage of Ryder shopping, schlepping and losing her grip on the bags, which fall to the floor as sales staffers walk by. But the scissors never appear, there's no blood and the rest seems open to interpretation."

It's clear that the media -- American, Aussie, Brit and Canadian -- are savoring every detail of Ryder's trial. Everyone loves Stars Gone Bad articles, but Ryder may have unwittingly and quite preposterously become a poster actress for slapping celebrities hard when they stick their hand in the cookie jar. Blame it on living in the post-O.J. age.

One has to wonder what Saks was thinking when it decided to haul in Ryder, who had already purchased $3,700 worth of clothing that included, for inquiring fashionistas, $300 Gucci shoes, a Dolce & Gabbana leather jacket and two sleeveless Yves St. Laurent blouses. Was Saks in such dire need of a public relations boost to revamp their stodgy, old money, society matron image?

As John Powers wrote in his L.A. Weekly column of March 22, " ... why call the police instead of her agent or publicist? I would have thought that an old-school store like Saks, especially in Beverly Hills, would know better how to treat a star. Then again, maybe they think Ryder no longer is one. Would they have turned in Gwyneth Paltrow?"

For goodness sake, Ryder didn't kill anyone, or maim someone during her shopping spree. It was a minor brush with the law -- anyone could see that. It just so happened that she allegedly filched, according to People magazine, the kind of booty we mere mortals can only dream of -- the very thought of pilfering a pair of dreamy Manolo Blahnik $800 stiletto boots gives us palpitations.

In Ryder's alleged cache: a black, beaded Eric Javits hat (which she donned on an elevator ride with the price tag visible; later on the tape, the tag is missing), a plain black Javits hat, a pink Donna Karan top, a white Gucci dress, a black Gucci top, a white Gucci skirt, a cream Gucci top, two Marc Jacobs thermal tops, a white sleeveless Yves St. Laurent shirt and a black Natori handbag.