Shrub's First 100 Days
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Q. So the Shrub has been President for approximately 100 days and the consensus is ...?
A. Excepting his frequent dips into the tar pit of toxic love, he isn't regarded to have done too badly.
Q. By whom?
A. His vast lists of corporate contributors mostly. And journalists amazed and stunned the front of his suits aren't stained with drool.
Q. See any lingering resentment over his unprecedented appointment by the Supreme Court?
A. Surprisingly little residual anguish. One would think there'd be some cacophonous strangled noises coming from either Berkeley or Madison, but so far, zip, zero, nada, squat, nothing.
Q. Perhaps they realize if it weren't for their obstinate pig headed unyielding support of Nader we would not be suffering this odious reign of Bush the Younger?
A. I think the word you're looking for is mulish.
Q. Apparently, they're still sticking to their "no difference at all between the two" chant?
A. Yeah. A bit harder to sell, reflecting on George's decree that there's nothing wrong with America a little more arsenic in the tap water couldn't cure.
Q. What's next?
A. Hard to say, but the odds against ketchup's imminent reinstatement as a vegetable have dropped precipitously.
Q. I hear some people are a bit miffed he pulled us out of the Kyoto Pact.
A. In the form of a question please.
Q. Oh, for crum's sake. All right. Aren't a large faction of us extremely pissed he rescinded compliance with Kyoto?
A. Thank you. Yes, but after he patiently explained how the fate of the planet pales in comparison to the health and welfare of a few US based oil companies most of the country, as they say, threw down with him.
Q. Are you saying Americans don't give a rat's ass about the rest of the world?
A. Let me think. Yes. And its understandable really. If you live in Iowa, your family and job are almost two thousand miles from the nearest foreign country which is Mexico. Explaining why most people in the midwest think NATO is the past tense of neato and foreign affairs have to do with New York City borough politics.
Q. Canada doesn't count?
A. Afraid not. Canada is just a wide Minnesota with a rail system.
Q. And how are relations with Congress going?
A. Too early to tell. But the Democrats seem to have folded faster than a sheet of 60 pound arctic ice poster paper at an origami competition in Tokyo.
Q. Isn't part of the problem the 50- 50 deadlock in the Senate?
A. Certainly, for those of you who live by numbers alone. Actually, both Senators from Louisiana are Democrats in name only, as is the Republican Senator from Rhode Island, which by the way is not really an island. So its really much more complicated. Especially when you throw in tons and tons of money. Which people unlike you and me do everyday.
Q. Whatever happened to John McCain and that whole Campaign Finance Reform deal?
A. Tabled. Committeed. Compromised. Amended. Mitch McConnelled. Buried. You know. The usual. We might see a watered down version with more holes in it than cheesecloth at a target range but let's not hold our breath.
Q. Any truth to the rumor George had the hole in his butt enlarged to accommodate Dick Cheney's hand?
A. Well, the gentleman does seem to have a heart attack every four days, then scampers back to work within 36 hours. One would be hard pressed not to wonder what's so gosh darned compelling.
Q. So, what's the deal, are we totally screwed here?
A. Not entirely. Think of all the non profit money raising records being smashed because of W. Besides, we made it through 8 years of Reagan didn't we?
Q. Who's asking the questions here bubblebutt?
Will Durst wonders if Alec Baldwin really did leave the country and if so, does he has a spare room over there in France?