Online Community: Do We Need It? How Do We Make It Happen? Part 1

By Kevin Smokler, WireTap. Posted March 27, 2001.

Loucifer: My inner critic tells me I was a "bad kid" because I rebelled and said awful things to my parents. I believe it, and feel guilty about it -- but I don't really (intellectually) think I was a bad kid, and my parents don't think I was. What does your inner critic say to you? Do you believe it?

MeghanM: My inner critic can be quite the bitch at times. "You're fat," "I can't believe you dropped out of college, you're stupid, you're never going to amount to anything. Some liberated woman you are, wanting to have a partner to cook and clean for and have [children] with." Usually I try and tell the Voice to fuck off, but sometimes, it gets bad and I just lie on the bed and cry ... I know that it's driven by my own fears, both real and imagined, and I know that I shouldn't listen to it. Maybe one day it will go away altogether.

Cricket: Right now my inner critic is telling me it's all my fault that my boyfriend broke up with me.

MeghanM: Cricket ... It wasn't because of you. You rock. He sucked.

Cricket, Loucifer, and Meghan. They are used to giving personal, intimate advice and sharing their experiences under anonymous names and in front of a potentially large audience. They have been involved in dozens of conversations like "Your Inner Critic," covering everything from elections to underwear but they've never met. However, they don't view their relationships as make believe, either. Last year, Loucifer bought them all Christmas presents.

Welcome to the contradictory world of the message board. All around the web, young people are creating thriving communities on message boards, also known as "discussion forums" or just "boards." Squishy (linked to the online diary of LA-based writer and performer Pamela Ribon) has nearly 2000 members in cities all over the world. At 360hiphop.com up and coming MC's test out rhymes and network on the boards. At Marigold Zine, a Canadian feminist site that bills itself as "40% political rally, 60% slumber party," members mentor each other and collaborate on political activity and creative projects. At many boards, youth speak openly about how the message boards have given them support and understanding that they've never felt in "the real world."

"Here you're judged for your thoughts, not your looks," says Alexis Brett, 18, who posts on Marigold as "Carrot." "At school, I'm not one of the popular kids ... Because of Marigold, I now know a lot of really strong, excellent women that are friends, but also role models for me ... It's made me more confident because I see how cool they are and that they like me because I'm me."

"I'm too weird for a lot of people at my school. I'm not cool enough ... don't have the perfect look or personality," writes "Drew", 15, who posts at Squishy three to five times a day. He says on the boards, "I'm accepted in a way I'm never accepted anywhere else."

Message Boards consist of a sequential list of responses ("posts") to a given topic, arranged linearly so the entire conversation is visible to anyone who visits. Because they don't happen in real time, people often take longer to formulate their responses than with chat rooms or instant messaging, so the conversation is usually less flirty and superficial. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to find your best friend or the solution to your biggest problems on message boards. Much of the conversation is silly, harmless fun.

"Picture a group of people goofing around on a long bus ride," said Ribon, 25, of the boards at Squishy. The posters there respond to serious life questions (whether a woman should take her husband's name), but also write phony love letters to one another.

"It's no surprise that our most popular topics are Relationships and Hip-Hop, and not politics," said Mike Baker, 19, who moderates the boards at Youth In Control, an online project of Youth Radio. "But I think any conversation is good conversation. You post regularly and you feel like you have a piece of the site, a piece of the community."

On the surface, youth message boards seem like a natural fit. Members can instantly bond with one another while using a pseudonym and staying anonymous. Once you post, it's hard to be ignored because your opinion is up on the board. If emailing is like sending a letter, and Instant Messenger is similar to making a phone call online, then posting is like being the person speaking over a PA. Everyone can hear you and you are being recorded.

It's important to point out that a huge percentage of youth don't seem to care whether the boards they post on are specifically aimed at them. Visit BlackPlanet.com, for example, and you'll find thousands of postings by folks who are under 25.

A place for youth to talk online is one thing. Turning a set of boards from "noise" (unconnected strains of chatter flung back and forth) into a community is quite another. "The message board is a foundation on which people build community," says Kai Hagen, the community manager at Cafe Utne, the message boards of Utne Reader magazine. "Beyond that is a complex layer of additional human choices that influence how a community is created, who's invited, who moderates, how rudeness is dealt with ... All these have a fundamental effect on what happens after you open the door."

What youth members look for on their boards varies, but nearly all want a safe environment. They want it to be exciting and fun, yes, but also intimate enough for everyone to feel recognized. They vote with their keyboards, spending their time on sites that accomplish this. Yet even operators of thriving boards on popular sites are continually asked, "Can a message boards create real community? If so, what does it take to make this happen?

*******

Glitter695: My boyfriend's stepfather...he's drinking again, AGAIN!! Yesterday, his stepfather he got mad at Bob cuz he didn't hook up the phone. He ranted and yelled until Bob went out the door, and while he was going out the door, he said FU! What do you think we (he) should do? He's so sad and it makes me so sad to see him like that.

LilBlueSmurf: My ex bf's father was the exact same way. Although he didn't live w/ them at the time, his father would make sure to call him almost every nite to tell him what a failure he was ... My mom suggested Alateen to me, b/c my bf (at the time) was really depressed by all of this. He would drink as well, and smoke pot and cut his arms up... I had my first support group type session when I was in the hospital for depression. They made me go (to "heal" me or something), but they would never make me say anything. It was nice knowing that I wasn't the only one dealing w/ those problems. Ask your bf if he's willing to give it a shot. You could go w/ him. They like people who are able to support others. And you are definitely one of those people.

Glitter695: I talked to Bob's mom yesterday I told her that everything goes wrong when (we will use the name Billy) Billy starts drinking. I said "you all have to help each other if you want the family to be healthy." And I said that "he shouldn't be able to take advantage of you guys." She understood what I was saying. I'm glad. We will see what happens, now won't we?

Glitter695 is 17 and has been posting on the message boards at Scarleteen for 6 months. Scarleteen is a site dedicated to frank sexuality education and boasts a large constituency of message board users. Every so often, founder Heather Corinna (Miz Scarlet) selects dedicated board members to become "Advocates." Advocates can monitor discussions, delete offensive postings and advise Corinna on issues the boards should tackle. Glitter695 became an advocate in January.

"Miz Scarlet is a great teacher," she says. "I always know her advice comes from the heart." Glitter695 goes on to say that she advocates personal responsibility to her peers, even though some are still "hush hush" about sex. She says she now believes that "communication is the key to any relationship."

"I'm like a surrogate big sister who actually knows the answers and doesn't just say, 'I love you but read a book,'" says Corinna, who conceptualized Scarleteen in 1998. She was already running the adult erotica site Scarletletters, but said she had nowhere to send minors who needed answers about sexuality in a judgment-free but engaging way. Message boards were added in April of 2000 because Corinna was closing down the site for weeks at a time to answer thousands of email questions. While the boards at Scarletletters are rather quiet unless Corinna actively promotes discussion, those at Scarleteen crackle all the time. "I've seen kids come in here who didn't know their ass from their elbow and six months later, they are the biggest advocates for being responsible ... At the boards, no one needs to know who you are. You don't need to sit in class with 30 other kids passing notes and giggling to get the information you need." Corinna emphasizes that what members get from the site's educational resources is then spread to a much wider audience via the message boards.

Corinna adds that she has to take extra precautions so the information given is accurate and members feel safe asking for it. She responds to nearly every topic. No one under thirteen can post and member's email addresses are excluded to assure safety and privacy. She also maintains her own rules about topics, and sees it as her responsibility to keep things from getting too graphic. "They sometimes think of me as the "evil overlord," she says, laughing. "Its hard to have distance because I really care about what happens to everyone who posts here. But to be credible, I can't be their peer."

"Heather has to worry about a lot of stuff I don't," laughs Audra Estrones Williams, 24, who edits Marigold. Marigolders (an 80-20 female-to-male split, largely in their 20's and younger) meet at picnics and slumber parties all over Canada. Many communicate daily with each other in between.

"I wanted to be part of a community," says Williams. "We probably meet more in person than [people from] most other boards but that's the way I envisioned it from the beginning." For her younger members, she notes that "they probably like hanging out somewhere where it's cool to be smart, cool to be aware."

"My parents hate it. They still believe the stigma that only creepy people meet on the Internet," says Alexis Brett who says she's grown up posting on message boards. "But this is a really nice, supporting environment for me. Of course, Audra is a huge part of that."

"I guess you could say I have two different social lives and they don't really interact," says Alexis Brett, speaking of her friends from school and from Marigold. She's off to college next year and quickly adds how much more ready she feels because she has both groups.

Williams admits that her presence, both off the boards and on, keeps "Team Marigold," as it's sometimes called, a cohesive unit. Posters joke and call her "the iron lady." But she's also received emails, while on vacation or simply absent, that show that many youth don't feel comfortable posting unless she's there. But she stresses, it's a challenge not to let it go to your head. "I want them to know that I'm just as big of a dork as anyone. If I want to be friends with the people here, I can't be all cool and together and above it all."

Check out Part 2 for more about commercial sites like Bolt, linking queer youth, and the importance of a safe environment.

Kevin Smokler is the publisher of Central Booking.com, an online community for lovers of books and reading.

              

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