Screw You U

For a mere $1,100, I could be Dr. Silver. Oh wait, tack on a few hundred extra, because if I'm getting my doctorate, it might as well be magna cum laude. And I'd like to be on the Dean's List. And, well, dad always wanted a doctor in the family.

Now he can have one -- schooled or not. The concept of sitting through class, taking tests and learning has practically become obsolete in our morally bankrupt, educationally depraved society. Why waste time and money on college? For about $300, you can buy yourself a degree -- or three, if you want, from hundreds of Internet sites dedicated to fattening your status. And their wallets.

In the last two weeks, I've received three copies of the same email from a British-based company that calls itself the University Degree Program:

"Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power and the admiration of all. Diplomas from prestigious, non-accredited universities based on your present knowledge and life experience. No required tests, classes, books, or interviews. Bachelors, masters, MBA and doctorate (Ph.D.) diplomas available in the field of your choice. No one is turned down."

It definitely deserved a phone call.

After leaving a message on the firm's Texas-based answering machine, a representative called me three days later. "We give full credit for life experience," he said. "We take your word on your experience." He was pleasant enough but frustrated by my questions about the program. I explained that I simply wanted to see a pamphlet, something in writing, before making my decision. He insisted that they could provide nothing of the sort -- only the degree.

And, best yet: "Your graduation day corresponds to your experience -- to blend in," he told me, I guess meaning that if I wanted my degree dated 20 years ago, well, they wouldn't tell anyone if I wouldn't.

Guess they didn't realize I would.

Getting Edumacated

Degree mills are popping up everywhere, thanks to the Internet. But they're nothing new. In the late 1970s, the FBI launched DipScam (diploma scam), an operation run by a team of agents who investigated such institutions in the United States. The team closed numerous schools, sending their operators off for a stint in the Big House. But when Special Agent Allen Ezell -- head of the operation -- retired in 1992, DipScam was through.

So, with no special task force, there's even less oversight now than during the mail-order-ministers heyday.

One vocal activist and former member of DipScam is Dr. John Bear, co-author of Bear's Guide to Earning College Degrees Nontraditionally and College Degrees by Mail and Modem, among other books.

According to Bear, 481 new Internet degree mills have set up shop this year -- that's an almost 50 percent increase since last year. And it's only going to get worse.

"The essence of the problem is: Are the people who buy these things really being fooled, or are they buying them for their own nefarious purposes?" Bear asks. He fears the latter.

One of the main reasons these businesses continue to flourish lies in the difficulty of legally defining just what a degree or diploma mill is. While some of these places simply ask for money, others may require a dissertation before awarding a doctorate. The situation gets sticky when there's actual course work done. Who's to say that someone's work doesn't merit recognition?

Bear also blames the media. Many nationally respected newspapers and magazines have no qualms about running degree mill ads. And the Internet makes it even easier. Bear doesn't see the problem decreasing any time soon.

"Public attention and awareness is the only hope I see," he says, "at least to the point of asking a few questions."

Education Here is Bad -- But Not That Bad

Nevada has few problems with fake degrees -- at least on the granting end of it, according to David Perlman, administrator for the Nevada Commission on Post Secondary Education. "Nevada law doesn't allow degree-granting institutions unless they're accredited," he says.